Mom is 79 years old, hard of hearing and has dementia. The ONLY people in our family are me, my 2 adult children and my mom. I am the only caregiver and it is wearing me out/making me hate my life and my mother. Of course I am a terrible person and lousy daughter for feeling this way.
Since my mother does not drive and has no friends and refuses to go anywhere without me, she has a very dull and lonely life. Her only goal every day is to see me. Yeah, I know, I should be grateful and happy and everything else, but I'm not. Every conversation has to be said twice as she refuses to wear the hearing aid and because she has dementia (and along with it a not so sunny disposition), it feels like torture every day I see her. It is quite easy for me to have to spend 25-30 hours a week with her.
Because of all this, I had to hire a caregiver. However, my mother still calls me when she is with the caregiver to see if we can get together. I hate myself for being such an uncaring daughter that I DREAD spending any time with her. How much fun is repeating yourself over and over again to someone who won't wear their hearing aid, then having to repeat it five more times because they keep forgetting because of the dementia and then having to figure out how not to piss off my mother as she gets very angry if my way of thinking infringes upon her (right) way of thinking? It ain't much fun.
I know she is my responsibility but I feel like I am going to explode under this weight. If only I had a sister or brother or a family member or she had a friend or if she would go to the senior center or invite a neighbor over, or... well, you get the point.
Sorry to ramble on, but I needed to give you the background info before asking the question, which is should I go for 4 days "off" instead. I am salivating at the thought of not having to shout loudly, repeat myself consistently, and listen to my mother's constant complaining. I made a list of advantages and disadvantages. There is only one under each, but it is a very strong approval/disapproval.
Advantage: I need a break
This means that instead of seeing her on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays, I will instead see her on Mondays, Fridays and Saturdays (3 whole days inbetween there where she won't see me. Oh God). Truthfully though, no matter how much time I spend with her, it's never enough. She's never happy!
PLEASE HELP. I don't know what to do? I feel that my mother's happiness and what SHE wants is more important than what I want because she has no one else, but at the same time she is strangling me with her dependency.
(a very unloving, selfish daughter)