Usually I do what I can and let things work them selves out. This week however has been hell. I have 6 elders that I am the basic care giver for although my husband doesn't feel like it's my/our job. Even though 5 are his family. This week I had one in the nursing home with a broken leg (80yr old hubby taking care of her), one finally diagnosed 5 yrs late with dementia ( 80yr. old hubby taking care of her), finally my Mother in Law was sent to the hospital with internal bleeding (Hep C). Luckily it was a small bleed and she can now go home. I also hold down 2 jobs, have two teenagers, a husband and 100yr old house. Every one wonders why I'm stressed and worried about what they next few years will bring. I can barely handle the here and now. My husband says I should stop thinking of my self as their caregiver and only help when needed ( which is more and more). That they are capable of taking care of themselves. I wasn't brought up this way.

Am I to invested? Do I need to back off? His siblings live in other states or are no help at all because 78yr old mom is still taking care of them. She calls me for everything.

Again, this has been a week from you know where. Maybe I just need to vent.

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I'll try to do as you have suggested. Bless their pointy little heads my 80 yr old guys are very head strong and stubborn. They may not take kindly to this sort of intrusion. Although I know my husband's father and his wife don't even have a will. I'm sure the others do although it would be pulling teeth to get them to tell me where it is.

All are on limited incomes even though Dad still works as a driver to afford his wife's meds. Maybe if we go slowly. We can accomplish it with some sanity.

Helpful Answer (1)

cdo4fun has laid out some excellent advice for you. There is nothing like the voice of experience talking!

Your husband is right. You simply can't be the caregiver for that many people! And you are right too, to want to help these people who need help. cdo4fun's approach honors the wisdom of both of you. Step back from the constant hands-on activity, but arrange for someone else to do it.

I seriously doubt that everyone wonders why you're stressed. More likely those in the know are wondering what holds you together!

Vent all you want. And also take some steps to find out what these folks are eligible for, and help them get it.
Helpful Answer (2)

You have a alot on your plate. If you want to be the best help to them make sure they have nets in place. Who qualifys for in home care, assisted living or other insurance. Help them help them selves get seinior services in there. This way you are still helping but not having to do it physically with a heavy emotional toll. I'ts alot to take care of everything and everyone. I had two at the sametime and it was way too much. It was awkward at first relinquishing not being there everytime for both of them. But i set up home health and they have a caregiver come in 3 days a week to do laundry, take them to doctors, clean and help with bath. the aides have my phone number and know if they see anything strange to contact me immediately, so I can step it up to another level if need be. this way you can still care without all of the burden and guilt of not being there every minute. I have to devote all my time now to my mom and I just wasnt able to spread myself so thin anymore. But i still have the piece of mind that the other one is still getting the attention they need. And i can have a more personal relationship with them as a friend and not a dependent. Help get their paperwork in order as well, what do they want to happen will, care plan of last wishes etc. I wish you well and hope you can start getting the much needed relief you need.
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