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Last night I found out that Mom completely canceled her free home care service. She was reluctant from the beginning but her case worker and I had had convinced her to at least let them do shopping and errands and vacuum. Our hope was that Mom would get to know the person and over time allow her to do more. Nope. Mom said she does not want a stranger in the house.. This makes no sense because she and Dad have a parade of nurses and OT coming and going all week long. She actually seems to look forward to those visits. She also canceled her meals on wheels and I found out she is not going to use the free medical cab service being provided, her reason is she does not want to go out without money. Huh? She expects us siblings to fill all these rolls plus pay for expenses which is not possible. Most of you know my parents refuse to use their own assets.

To add to the fun there is sibling discord going on again. My sister had a Realtor come in and asses the the property my parents own next door to their house. I had vowed to myself to stay out of the financial stuff as long as my parents were resistant and in control of their own decisions. But when my sister told me the Realtor was advocating that my parents sell the house for half of market value, to a contractor who plans to flip it, I got concerned. It sounded off to me and when I told my sister she got angry and told me I could always get another assessment. I lined up a meeting with another Realtor but my sister told me the time was not convenient for her son (he lives in the house). To be courteous I said I would reschedule which set her off even more. She said I was just repeating what she already did. Again huh???! She is the one who suggested I do this. It hit me how crazy this all is since we don't even know if my folks are going to cooperate with any attempts to help them liquidate. I asked Mom if she and Dad were in agreement with selling and she said probably but I shouldn't do anything to upset my sister. Ugh I can't seem to do anything right so why am trying?

I am to the point where I just want to disengage completely, visit every other week and just phone calls. I live 45 minutes away and work full time so any time/effort I expend needs to be productive or at least emotionally supportive. It's neither at this point.

When the time comes that my folks are no longer in control of their decisions I might reconsider but we shall see. Right now I REALLY need to stop jumping back in the fray. I need to listen to the advice I give others. It's so hard though with my mothers attempts to manipulate and the tug of our crazy family dynamics.

You know, I never understood people who were not there for family. Now I know there can be a lot more to peoples situations than meets the eye.

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Thanks freqflyer. The first thing I did was call the Realtor Board in my state. I was sure they would say it was illegal. Instead they said if my parents sign a contract agreeing to this there would be nothing illegal. Can you believe that!?

As for an inheritance H*ll no. I want them to liquidate it all and use the money to live on, take care of themselves and when the time comes, to pay for quality assisted living or nursing home care.

All my parents ever cared about was money. They ran a small business, worked 7 days a week and were the most miserly people I've ever known. We went for 6 months once without hot water in our house because Dad would not pay a plumber but they always had money to buy property or to sink into the business. I do understand that they could not help it, it's a sickness, but I want no part of their money... too many bad memories and issues around that.

Thanks Babalou, I am back in therapy, all this stuff is too much for me to handle alone.
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Trying my best (and I know you are) are you poa? If you're not, are you depending in any way on a sizeable inheritance from your parents? In your shoes, I would phone and be noncommittal and when mom manipulates, put your fingers in your ears and sing LET IT GO. Therapy also helps.
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Tryingmybest, you did the right thing about wanting to have another Realtor preview the house and give a fair market value of the home. Another is to have the house "appraised" by a licensed real estate Appraiser, cost around $350 plus or minus, depending on your area.

Yikes, that first Realtor, who wanted to sell the house for half the market value to a contractor, could lose his/her license and be heavily fined by the Board of Realtors in your area by doing that when dealing with senior citizens.

For your own curiously, you can go onto the websites for Zillow.com to get a "guess-a-ment" on what the house is worth. Like I said, it's just an guess, Zillow doesn't know if the house has been remodeled or would be sold *as is*. An *appraisal* would be your parent's best bet.
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