What happens when someone doesn't want to take care of a loved one?


like the person don't want to take care of her mother and put the care on someone else who can't do it cause they're sick ,too

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I read stuff about hiring and aid or finding assisted living. I could not afford to hire an aid. Assisted living was too expensive. If your parent qualifies for Medicaid that would work. In order to get that your parent needs to be medically necessary for Medicaid and qualify financially. My mother didn't qualify for Medicaid because a nursing home wasn't medically necessary. She went into assisted living but didn't like it so she moved in with me.
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I agree with calling social services If their is not a family member that can step up to the plate. That way you can get the ball rolling to get someone to find her some help. In addition, it will help relieve the person that is sick so that he or she does not have to deal with and neither should you have to deal with the care-giving anymore if you do not wish to keep up with the responsibilty. A person can only do and take so much pressure and it may be best for the person that needs the special care too, the mom and for y'all. Good Luck and let us know how it goes.
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What happens is you find another way to provide the care. Just because you can't do the physical labor of sheltering and caring for the person doesn't mean you can't provide the care another way. Hiring an aid, finding am assisted living situation, taking turns among the family members -- all are ways to deliver needed care, and all can work in concert, or as stand alone situations. For example, maybe you find an aid AND now, and ASL for the longer term. Maybe you start with just a few hours, to do what needs doing, and work toward more hours when and if that demand needs to be met.
But the first step is helping everyone involved change their view of what "care taking" is. It needn't mean living with the person. Keeping them safe can happen lots of ways. Good luck to you!
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I always thought I would take care of Mom when she got older and couldln't take care of herself. It couldn't happen because my husband wanted no part of it. We hired an aide and she is a saint. When I see what she goes thru taking care of my mother there is no way I could have done it. She has to place suppositories in her and blend all her food and practically hand bathe her.
G-d Bless these people. I love my Mom but could never handle her like the aide does. Sometimes I feel guilty about it but I have a brother who lives far away and it doesn't bother him one way or the other. He says I worry too much!
I still do all the shopping for her, pay all her bills and make sure she has everything she needs. I keep in close contact with the Hospice people that come to see her. I pray I am doing enough.
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I don't think there are any rules regarding who should take care of a loved one, or even any social conventions. For instance, it is not the oldest or the youngest or the unmarried one, or the one who doesn't have a job, etc. Ideally when there is more than one child they work together to figure out what is best for Mother or Father and what is practical in their family.

If there are no family members who are willing and able to take care of an elder, our society tries very hard to see that they get decent care regardless. Somebody has to get the ball rolling by contacting Social Services in the loved one's county and explaining the situation.

There is no shame in saying, "I care about this person, but I am not able to care for her personally, because of my own health issues." In fact, it is very wise to recognize our own limitations before a totally unworkable situation gets set up.
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