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My 100 yr old mother and 62 yr old brother are heavily co-dependent. When it was decided three months ago that Mom had to go to a nursing home instead of the planned move to assisted living, it meant that my brother no longer got half Mom's pension each month, and no longer had the free place to crash when he didn't feel like going home. I as the power of attorney cut off the payments to him which were bankrupting my mother, and the bro got so furious I was afraid for my safety. Since then, I had to hire a security guard to protect me while emptying Mom's house which had sold; the nursing home reported my bro to the police, and my bro threatened mom's doctor to the point the doctor refused to see Mom with bro again.
At this point, Mom is not allowed out of the nursing home because brother has announced his intention of stealing her away to his home. (My brother is chronically depressed, alcoholic, on disability, and his home looks like something you'd see in a hoarders reality show.) However she has been transferred to another nursing home closer to bro's house. They both want this, so I'm hoping it will reduce the anger. I'd just like to know if anyone else has dealt with a similar situation, and how you managed it.

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Yeah it's the estranged sister and her greedy siblings that are worrying me. They seen to have taken full control over my Mum's welfare. They have even started with my own daughter who has mental health issues who visits these know-all bullies. I feel sick to the point of rage but know I must put things into perspective and let it go for my own health's sake. It is hard and I think constantly about all the fall outs and nasty issues that has happened. Just hope my Mum is ok really although we were not close emotionally I would not want her to be suffering. I don't think they look after her properly and it is obvious they take money from her for doing it.
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You may be able to seek guardianship rather than just rely on POA status. If I were you I would check into what is involved and the cost, if you can handle it go ahead and do it.

It is sad but it is frightening what can happen to families in situations where money or inheritance are involved. Personally I have had some worries about a sibiling, parent and ex husband doing harm to me. I felt stupid as though I must be making things up in my mind, one day my 22 year old daughter told me that she had fears of sibling and parent possibly harming her and me. I was shocked as we had NEVER discussed this before.... I guess I was not just imagining things if she has the same worries.

Money will make even normally sane individuals go crazy if they feel they are being robbed. Your brother does not really care about the welfare of your Mom he just needs her money. It is an unfortunate situtation.
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Well, I always thought I had it bad as an only child married to an only child with both our parents in elder care. My MIL 101, has been sent out to the ER about twice a week for awhile now & is not doing as well. Hard to say if it is the care at the place which has changed ownership or if it is aging, she doesn't have dementia or any other incurable disease except aging & my dad on NH medicaid is sent out/dumped often from place to place or to the hospital. To have caring siblings would be a godsend. I guess I am lucky not to be in this boat you all are in. I finally have something to be thankful for.
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Wow, this makes me very thankful for the family I have...God bless you all!
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I thought my situation with my sibling was bad. His record for assault keeps him at bay to some extent. He'll get in my face, but won't put a hand on me, he knows I'll file charges and he doesn't want to risk jail. I carry pepper spray and a recorder too. I wouldn't get a restraining order, I think it'll provoke worse behavior. I like the idea of getting a letter from your mother's doctor indicating that she is not capable of making her own decisions due to her illness' Other wise I think you are doing what you can and doing it the right way. Stand your ground. Hugs to you.
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Document dates, times, incidents. Get the authorities involved and have the Health Department check the welfare of the brother. At some point he will lose control and need a complete psychiatric eval in handcuffs.
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Thank you so much for this. My brother lives miles away and can't be bothered and my estranged sister and her unruly brood started visiting again, when my step-father died - pretty self evident I would say after nearly 20yrs of not seeing or caring for my Mum. I have felt very saddened by their evil ways of shutting me out and have now convinced my Mum that I am evil too and have said I have bullied her when all along it is they that are doing the bullying. Hard to sit and watch them doing this to her, but she believes in them now and that is what hurts! Helpless now and just waiting for the inevitable .....
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poppycat33, so sorry that you have to go through this. I have found that when it comes to people believing they are entitled to what their parents have, they become accusatory and violent. It's sad, but some feel this way.
I'm glad you saw what it was doing to yourself and backed away from it. Sometimes that is the healthiest thing to do.

I am thankful that I live in an out of the way area. It is far away from the evil niece and nephew. Plus they have no idea what my physical address is. I'm always afraid that someone will show up and take my mom.
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Yes!
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I can't believe what I am reading!! I have been banned from hospital visiting me dying Mum. My husband has been threatened by my Sisters thug Sons to hit him and smash our windows. All because I asked who were the keyholders as my Mum wanted her bank books etc. I used to be my Mum's carer and suffered verbal abuse and sibling rivalry throughout - I had to stop it as I worked full time and became exhausted and emotionally drained with family conflict. We have washed our hands of it for personal survival sake. The hurt is too much as I really looked after my Mum well and I don't know what is happening.
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you need a restraining order NOW!! for the both of you. my brothers in prison right now for elder abuse on dad. when he gets out he has vowed to kill me. it just gets better and better.i cant get a restraining order for myself until he beats me up and im trying to avoid that
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You might want to get a letter from her doctor stating that she cannot make financial or medical decisions on her own (that is if she has dementia). This will prevent your brother from taking a lawyer into the nursing home to have your mom sign paperwork. I don't know if she has dementia or not.
I have several violent relatives. And, I had to carry a mace gun, and wanted a real gun, when I was emptying out and fixing up my mom's house for sale. It is not a good feeling but as long as you document things thoroughly, report any physical altercations to the police, you will have a record of it all on file for use later on.
It's unfortunate that some of us have to fear for our safety but for some of us it is our reality.
Stay safe and always be aware of your surroundings. That's good advice in any situation.
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The POA thing is definitely an issue. He was taking my mother to another lawyer for that exact reason. Thankfully the lawyer was an ethical one, and insisted on a full mental assessment before agreeing to act for my mother and/or allowing her to write up a new POA.
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You are a brave and good person for doing the right thing and risking the wrath of the "entitled" brother! Hold firm to the appropriate boundaries and limits, and be sure that it is well documented that Mom cannot validly change the POA or brother will definitely try and possibly succeed in talking her into it.
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