Should I just cut strings with sister in law?

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This will take some explaining. My brother passed in Feb and left all money etc to his wife who is very controlling/ My brothers and my mom has Alzheimer and I moved her in with me 4 mths ago . My brother knew I would take care of her. My sil and I have never gotten along. Brother told on 3 different occasions he was leaving money for mom and quoted 160 thousand dollars before he passed. H e is much better off than me. I have always taken care of myself and even helped mom the best I could, since her only income is 950 a month social security. I am retired nurse and have been divorced most of my life and no children which I regret now, but just want to say I bought most of furniture in her little 1994 trailer and got her new carpet before she moved in with me because just wanted it to look better for her.
My sil even told me after brother passed you know Mike left some money for you and your mom, then I heard nothing, so I went to her house with friend to ask what was up since I would have to be making decisions for mom. She stated she misspoke and she meant after she died if there was anything left, then went on to say I was family and if I ever really needed anything they would help. I had hinted to possible personal care home but said I couldn't afford it and she had never said anything about offering. Well we had words again and she wasn't going to talk to me so that meant no help with mom at as far as taking her to her house for one night before this and then went to Scotland for a month,etc the villages and panama city while I have been looking after mom. She would call mom and that was it and sent mom a letter saying she missed having cup of tea with her,etc. I sent her a short note and told her if she wanted to see mom I would need 24 hrs notice and time etc. because I have had to arrange sitters and take my mom to daycare, etc to get a break.
Well. she calls yesterday and asks to speak to mom, I say well I have question, Did my brother leave any money to help with personal care home because I have idea of Nursing home and she is not that bad yet. She says to me in hateful voice if I had listened to her at house I would know, but All I heard was I wasn't getting lump sum. Thenb she goes on to say well you sold her trailer and she gets social security, so after you use that I will pay half. She wants me to use money 7 thousand dollars which is only thing mom had and mom tried to get me to put in my name way back.Dont get me wrong, I would use money toward mom because if goes in Personal care home I would still have doctors bills since she only has medicare and there is the matter of clothes getting hair done, etc.
If she goes into Nursing Home she will qualify for Medicaid and be covered as far as doctors and the nursing home. Now I don't want to ask her for anything. I have heart problems and enough stress with mom, but I feel she is being controlling and stingy. I will have my social security and money saved in 403 to live off of.My brother had at least 800 thousand in stocks,etc and house and land which will go to her children--not my brothers biological. Her daughter is around 50 and has not worked for last 4-5 yrs. I am 61 and worked 31 yrs as nurse and had to leave because of heart and back problems and moms condition.
Do you think I can make it without her. She also made comment when we had words that if I kept talking to her like that, she wouldn't help at all. I don't want to ask her for anything. I wish she would move to the villages.

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You have every right to cut her out of your life but it depends what the will says-even if you get money for your Mom you can still detach from her-why have someone in your life who gets you upset with your medicial history-replace her with someone who makes you happy-he should have provided for your Mom before her kids but what he did as far as a will is what he wanted-it is too bad he said differently to you and your Mom-any legal action will cost you money-I so hope she will reconsider and give some of the money for your Mom's care.
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You are entitled to feel rooked, ripped off, blindsided. But it's hard to know whether to blame your brother or your SIL. Seems to me, with his assets and knowing you would be caring for your mom on limited funds, he should have protected you and your mom better by making sure his will covered you. But he didn't. Maybe his wife acted all concerned and trustworthy and he didn't feel it was necessary, he thought or she let him to believe that she would do the right thing by you and your mom. She was either lying then (to him) or lying now (to you) out of sheer, unadulterated greed. SO, Who Am I kidding, she's a greedy BEE-AWCH anyway you slice it!

And as margarets & igloo have written, there may or may not be anything you can do about it.

So, hey, everybody, "nn10" 's profile says she's from Georgia. Can't she look up some Georgia probate case law to see how the court leans in her state?

Also nn10, you could gather up all your documentation, including any benefits your brother might have paid prior to his passing for you or your mother's welfare, (whi,h MIGHT imply INTENT), and make a consultation appointment with an attorney experienced in both probate an elder care. You should be able to receive a 30 minute free consultation, so you have to go in VERY prepared, and try to leave a lot of emotions at the door.
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Igloo, again, it depends on the laws etc of the jurisdiction. If the law does not provide for will variation or "implied contracts", end of story.

What you are talking about is something else altogether, basically stirring up trouble in order to be bought off to make it go away. Even that won't work in some places, because the court will not allow a claimant to drain the estate of assets that rightfully belong to the beneficiaries. I've read articles written by lawyers about this very issue.
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Nice - well I'd say she is a "bad witch" & that is VERY different than just a regular witch. A bad witch is by & large a good thing. She holds all the legal power so if you want to challenge her, you have to be extremely creative and willing to go the extra time & $ to make things happen. If you are not up to this, it won't work.

Purplesushi has given very good advice.

Marg - yeah a will is will. But what I have seen done & successfully, is people presenting a claim against the estate to get some of the assets of the estate. (I've been executrix twice, 1 was simple but the other was complex, 4 full year run & lots of time in probate sitting & listening to the dramarama that probate can be). You don't go after the will (the will is pretty well a fixed instrument) but instead do a claim against the estate. Like say Sonny made payments for his girlfriends kids tuition & also gave his sister money for their mom's caregiver. Sonny did this off & on regular for years before his death. Girlfriend & Sissy file a claim for future costs. The court could find there is an implied contract for Sonny to do this. Now girlfriend & Sissy had their kids/parents in a school/facility where they owe $ which was fully expected to come from Sonny. Girlfriend/Sissy can file a claim against the estate for the costs to fulfill those contracts. For a large estate, paying Girlfriend/Sissy $$ to get them gone and sign off a release from any other claims against the estate and never ever being able to have to think about again, is worth doing. It sounds like there is a significant amount of assets, so there would be $ to do this. But you have to prove and provide documentation to make it work.
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Sad as it is, your brother left it all to his wife - legally she does NOT have an obligation to honor any "promises" your brother made unless those "promises" were in his will. If he were serious about leaving money for his mother, he should've included her in his will. Your sister in law is no longer a part of your family legally, and has no obligation (legally) to provide money for your mother. If she qualifies for medicaid, get her on it, and take care of her without having your sister in law involved. It sounds like she has no intention of helping you out in reality, so just ignore her and move on.
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I guess I was really asking your opinion on how it would make you feel? Am I reading this wrong or is she a bitch for wanting me to put the 7 thousand into the pot from moms trailer? I don't want to ask her for anything
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Just a caveat re: igloo's advice - It depends on the laws in your jurisdiction. Are you in the UK? Anyway, many places have zero provision in law to vary a will. Those that do, it's usually for the offspring of the deceased person, not parents or other relatives. So you could have a tough time claiming on the estate for your mother. Again, it depends on the laws that apply, and the process could be very different from what igloo describes.
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If it's not in writing in the will, then it's going to be difficulty no matter what someone promised verbally. But you can go to probate court.

I would imagine she is going to have to do probate as this sounds like a good sized estate. You can go to any of the hearings and present your mothers situation for consideration by the probate judge. Probate is all open hearing courtroom so no secrets. She/her attorney will have to publish in the paper when the hearing are going to be held. This is be in the legal notices of the classified of the local paper. This is required to be done - some state require 3 postings other states only 2.
You go and file a claim against the estate for potential cost of your mother's care.
You need to have your documents together to show the cost now and the future cost of her care in a facility (like a future admission contract - the NH will do one for you) Could get dismissed but more likely judge will award some of the estate to mom, and it would go into some sort of trust with you and SIL as trustee's.
Good luck.
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Never mind all this horse trading, all that matters is what the will actually says. If you are a beneficiary, you have an automatic right to a copy of the will. If you are not a beneficiary, you can cut contact with your toxic SIL - what would be in it for you anyway?
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