Mom is 87 and lives alone. She needs more care but refuses help, I'm contemplating taking her in. Am I crazy?


In the greater metro area the costs for asst. living is $6K-$8K per month. Mom will blow through her savings very quickly. So, this is not an option for her. I have the room but she really needs a lot of daily attention.

Signed, empty nester +1

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I don't think it's a good decision to take her in, especially if she's resistant. Hats off to her for wanting to be independent. In theory, I think it sounds like a great idea, however in practice, it permeates your life and basically will begin to feel like you've given up your life as her wants/needs will begin to dominate your life. I'd work towards getting some support to go in maybe a couple of times a week to check in and provide some support (ie: deliver meals, grocery shopping, dr's appts., check in on meds-be sure no slippage in what she is/isn't taking), give her a lifeline necklace for the ability to call an ambulance if she fell or something happened where she needed to call for immediate assistance. If she values her freedom, she'd probably rather live independently as long she can. Just my two cents.
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Could Mom come and "visit" you for a few weeks, so you'd get a better idea of what this would really be like?

What has your relationship with Mom been like up to now?

Before she even moves in (if that is your decision) arrange for regular respite care. You need to get away from caregiving periodically. No one can be a 24/7/365 caregiver and retain their sanity. And it is perfectly appropriate for you to spend Mom's money on respite care for her.
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Weeellll, I don't know. I came on here because I am part time care giver to my Mom and fully expected to be full time at some point in the future HOWEVER since I have been on here for a few months(5) and have been reading the posts and stories I realize it is a much bigger decision than I anticipated. Not to scare you -just go in with your eyes open -read the posts on here- as many as you can. But also remember that people come on here to vent so you WILL get worst case scenarios and stories. Very few people come on a forum to post how happy they are. Just human nature.

No, really, I don't think it is crazy but I do think that some caretakers wished they had made a different decision , chose a different path than bringing their loved one into their own home. You can still be a great care giver without taking them in, IMO. I would research all the possibilities. Good luck!!!
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Not at all. It will not be easy. There are many resources that can help you. Make sure you use them so that you don't get burned out. Adult Day Care is a great way for her to socialize and stay as active as possible. My mom attends Stay For A Day in Orange City. Home Health is another option.
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