Can't sleep, overeat, irritable with Mother, feel sorry for myself! Am I burned out?

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I am an only child. Have 5 stepsisters and 1 stepbrother. Don't really expect a lot of help from them. The youngest which was at home when Mom married their Dad does try to be helpful. Several of them visit her. I keep contemplating putting her in assisted living. As much for her sake as for mine. She does not see well because of macular degeneration so she can't read which she always loved to do. She doesn't hear well so tv is not too interesting to her. She does not eat well and has lost a lot of weight. She doesn't get any exercise. She just sits in her chair all day, existing. Maybe if she were in assisted living she would be more entertained and have other people around other than my husband and me. I can't live my own life because I can't leave her alone. Since she can't hear she always has to have everything repeated. She wants to know what everyone said even if they weren't talking to her. She wants to know everything that is going on etc. She totally gets on my nerves and I speak hatefully to her. We have always been very close and this makes me feel terribly guilty. But when I think of putting her in to assisted living I feel guilty too. My husband has been a saint in helping and putting up with her but he gets very impatient too. What a revolting development this turned out to be! Every day is the same. Kind of like the movie "Groundhog's Day"! I feel very depressed, overeat, can't get motivated and have a rough time sleeping. Then I feel guilty because I feel like I feel more sorry for myself than I do her. I don't think I resent her so much as I resent what has happened to this once strong, funny, self-sufficient lady. She never complains about her plight. (although everyday is about her pills, her ails, and doing things in her time!) Guess that is enough venting for today. I do love her very much. Things will work out.

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Thank you so much you wonderful people. Your understanding brought tears to my eyes. It is so great to hear thoughts from people that know what I am going through.
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Of course you are burned out - Taking care of elderly parents is like hitting your head against the wall- it doesn't stop hurting until you stop. After 3 years of beating my head against the wall, I have gained 30 pounds, can't sleep at night and go to my car and scream until I can't continue. I have lost my friends, any personal life and I am afraid I've lost my sanity. I am one tough person and a person that can juggle lots of stuff. This situation has beaten me. It can be overwhelming.
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Oh I understand, and I know everyone else does too to a greater or lesser degree. It is very good to vent, so just vent vent vent, sometimes there is no answer but to just purge it out of you, and hopefully this is a safe place to do it. It is okay, you are okay and you will be okay. Groundhogs day, yes, I was thinking this the other day. The most important thing I'd say for right now is to to lose the guilt, however you can, for your sanity you must let it go. Forget the overeating, the irritability, it is the guilt that is at the bottom of it all, underneath all the guilt is anger and the real issue is fear, fear of losing something, or not getting something. The step siblings don't figure into the equation really with your mother, this is your kettle of fish, so don't muddy the waters with expectations and remember you are entitled to your feelings, right, wrong or indifferent, you are the one judging yourself with a stern hand. Try to lay off you and accept yourself as the imperfect but loving work in progress that you are. Each one of us, whether we admit or not, realize or not, has had at one time or the other the very same feelings you have. So, try to go with the flow and the lighter you make your judgments on yourself the easier your day will go.
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I believe most people here know exactly what you're talking about. I like that you mention lack of motivation. Sometimes I have so much to do that I don't know where to begin, so many times I don't even try to begin. It is just too much! The medicines, repeating everything, cooking certain things, etc., just make every day seem like a long routine that doesn't have any purpose other than needing to be done. Trying to keep up with my own work, while doing everything else here in the house and yard wears me out -- even if it is only thinking about what I need to do. Motivation totally gone. Rewards are zero, since each day it just begins again. I understand why housewives of the olden days used to get so depressed.

I feel better just having written. Guess I better get the recycling and garbage out before starting dinner. My mother said that we need to go visit my brother this weekend. All I can think is WHY would I want to do that. It is a long drive in traffic to reach somewhere I can't wait to leave. And I know the only reason I have to do these things is that no one else can be bothered to even visit her. Oops, now I feel unmotivated again.
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