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My parents passed on leaving five daughters.One which was handicapped.being the youngest (57) the responsibility fell on me my husband we moved her out of state to live with us . later two of the sisters have moved close by to help.

I always have to ask them to take her to drs.appts or take her for a weekend or just take her to their house for a day or outing or a movie
It always comes back down to me to do everything.
I have been doing this going on eight years and It is wearing on my health and my marriage leaving me tense and angry. When I suggest her to move in with other sisters they flat say no it will destroy There marriage. I really want to get help for her before she gets much worse .I feel taken advantaged of

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If your sister can go to a group home, you will recover over time, and be of more help to your sister by being strong and fresh when you visit her or take her on outings. I took care of Mom for three years and was essential ground to a pulp by it, and vilified by my own Mother every day. Now I show up at the assisted living facility a couple of times a week to make sure that all is well, and I have become the life of the day room during each visit. Last Sunday I brought palms with me in case the residents wanted any and ended up demonstrating how to make palm crosses to the LifeGuidence and the LifeAssist sides of the facility for three hours. During this time, I danced alone around the room to the Big Band and polka music that was playing, and joked with the residents. Eventually the activities director queued up staff members to do any entertainments they could to keep the fun going. Connect with a social worker from the office on the disabled, and find a placement for your sister. Get well yourself, and then share yourself in a new way by visiting your sister frequently and making life more fun for the residents. Give your husband a great big kiss, tell him how wonderful he is, and let him know that life will improve.
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MY MOM WAS WORKING AT WALGREE AND TAKINGING CARE OF MY DAD WHO DIE 9-11-2012. PAPERS READY TO TRUN (ON THE LAW IN TEXASTHE FML). BUT HE GOT SICK. MY BROTHER WIFE IS TAKING CARE OF HER 90 PLUS AND SHE HAVE BI-POLAR, AND HER SISTER WILL NOT HELP BUT WILL TELL THIS AND THAT. SO SHE HAS SO DEPRESS HERSELF. THEY WILL NOT PUT HER MOTHER DIE IN A NURSING HOME SO SHE DID WANT LET HER DAD DIE.
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Call each of your sisters and tell them you are going to be looking for alternative housing and care for your disabled sister but that you thought you should ask each one of them first if they would like to have her move in and live with them instead of going where YOU choose for her to go. If they aren't helping now they will not be giving you any grief about future plans for your sister because that may open the door to having a conversation about any help they may give. There are group homes and adult foster homes as well as nursing homes for special people like your sister. The people who work there are experienced in caring for adults with disabilities. Contact a social worker and talk about the different options out there. Medicaid may be able to help her out with cost. I have worked with these special people and they are a joy to be around. Plus you have the reassurance of knowing that she is being cared for and if something should happen to you she will continue to be cared for in a setting that is familiar to her instead of moving her into a strange place when you are no longer there to care for her. Call Elder Care or Social Services in your area and they will put you in contact with a social worker. Good Luck!!
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This is interesting, in that it's NOT an aging parent that the kids never got along with or never liked growing up, but their sister instead. My first thought was that the siblings would be glad to help 'one of their own' so to speak, but I guess that shoots that idea all to pieces. Maybe it all comes down to a persons character in the first place. Maybe some people just don't have the ability to think beyond themselves by being caring and unselfish to begin with. So the family member that HAS the ability to care for someone other than themselves, becomes the 'weakest link' in the other family members eyes and is taken advantage of. Does that make any sense? Well it did when it first occurred to me. Anyway Gail54321, you've done a good thing for your sister when no one else would. So it's time for a break, no harm no foul. Would getting your siblings together and having a logical discussion be the thing? Keep out the hostility you have towards them for not taking some of the responsibility out of the conversation, and just be matter of fact. The fact is, you need 'time off for good behavior' from the care giving thing, so come up with a plan as a FAMILY to decide what to do. Kudos to you who stepped in when no one else would. You are NOT the 'weakest link', you are the link that held the family together. ♥
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Deefer12 is giving you good advice. Someone told me "For things to change, something has to change."
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I don't know why, but in most cases, caregiving tends to fall on one person in the family, and the rest just fade away! I have 6 sibs and am caring for Mom for 5 years now without their help. This is a story you will read over and over on this site. It makes for lots of anger and resentment and that takes a huge toll on your health and well being. Caregiving is hard enough, but that added stress of knowing there are others that could and should be helping is a major factor in the life of a caregiver.
I chose to stop obsessing about get help from my sibs a few years ago. I don't call them when Mom is sick or has a visit to the ER. They are her children and they know where she lives. If they do not want to visit or call, then I'm not going to make the effort to contact them.
You need to give up on the idea that they will help you out. Either make peace with yourself about it and move on with your caregiving, or if you can't deal with it anymore, then start to look for alternatives for your sister. Talk to your sisters and tell them you need to do this and have them help you through the process so that they are a part of the decision. If they refuse to help, then do it on your own if need be.
It sounds like you are ready to make a decision here. Think things through and know what you want to do, then get together with your sisters and come up with a plan. It's your life too!
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