I hope my question doesn't come across as "uncaring" or otherwise. I am in such a dilemma without a solution and just know that someone out there can help.
My father was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia and when it first came to (although I think he's had it all his life in very minor ways), I did everything from taking him to the doctors, mental health institutions, let him stay at my house until he got better, managed his eating, gave him his medication - caregiving! I have six siblings who helped very little if any.
During the course of time that he stayed with me (off an on for six months, then consistently for one month without any breaks - I also work 40 hours telecommuting and have 2 young children, 4 and 6, on summer break), at the worse of his illness, he would talk to the walls, talk to himslef, hit the wall, not bathe for weeks, follow me where ever I went and phone me to come home at certain times. Initially, I told him and the siblings that I can do 4 days on but I needed 3 days off. When no siblings would take him and he refused to go home 3 days, I called an end to it. I had lost one contract with my job, I was in fear of his hygiene (still am) and I was plain exhausted. We got into an argument after I insisted that he give up his apartment, live in a senior center nearby so that I could limit my driving time. He totaled his car in the apt parking lot and requires that he be taken back and forth 45 minutes per way (with my two children). Just recently, he asked me to take him home so that he could bathe, feed the cat, etc., I did and took the kids to a mall next door. I gave him 3 hours while we waited, came back and he said he did nothing but sit on the couch (so no bathing). He has refused moving to a senior center (because only old people live there - he's 74). So, I told him that he will have to leave. He took a taxi home and it has only been 2 days and already he's calling me to pick him up so that he can stay with us again. I have gotten him to a point where he is 80% better and he can take care of himself with the medication. Since he was 55, he has not taken care of himself in any way. The children have all paid for his living in a fund. He's bailed on bills only to have such crappy credit that if he ended up in a senior home, we'd have to co-sign for him, if that is even allowed. I've worked since I was 13 because he overspent and couldn't care for the family. In college, I worked 2 full-time jobs so that one paycheck could go to him to pay for the mortgage. I did this for 2 years. I gave my tax refunds and he happily took them. My argument is that I have very little 'good memories' of how well he treated us. None of the children do in fact. He's simply not done his job and all his life has expected us to carry him on our backs. This is another one of those situations. He is able to take care of himself and/or take one of my alternatives (we even pay for his apt today) and move to a senior center nearby so that I can take him there 3 days and he can stay with us 4 days, if that. Problem is: it's all about him and nothing about us. I really do not want him back here. What do I do? Just talked to him yesterday night and said I might let him back home. I really can't do it, if only for hygiene reasons. Help. (Please know that I am one who always puts others ahead of myself, but I am having a very hard time wanting to do this.) Thank you, in advance.