My mother is bedridden after a pelvic fracture (August) My 87 year old father was taking care of her at home since Nov 1 until his health conditions flared up (spinal stenosis) in mid-Feb so he is currently in rehab. My brothers (2) and I have been alternating spending the night at their home since mid-Feb. We have hospice care 7 days a week in the AM, plus private care until 6 PM. The bills are getting exhorbitant, but we are grateful for their care. I am working extremely hard to get Mom, and now Dad, into skilled nursing care. Application has been filed for mom, dad next. I am the quarterback in all things related to this.
The issue is that my brother, who lives about an hour away, has spent the majority of weeknights in Feb, March and now April, with my mother, and visiting my father. (My other brother is 3.5 hours away, is helping on weekends, and I was there 3x in March). He is experiencing major burnout, from paying bills, dealing with my parents, and not being able to focus on his work. He has frequent melt downs, from stress. Normally he is calm, but I think having his world disrupted has lead to I don't know what. I am so grateful that he's there, I know he appreciates what I'm doing but he has extreme meltdowns and he threatens to leave. He is usually apologetic afterward, but being the referee with my two brothers adds to my stress too. I would love some advice.
You and siblings are doing the best anyone could, but this has to end before one or all of you have strokes. Then what?
Hurry and file that application for dad. Be the squeaky wheel that gets attention from wherever you've filed. Don't just wait. Call every day. Send emails, visit their office, whatever you have to do to expedite the matter.
Also, maybe you shouldn't be the referee. How'd you get that job? Why do you do it? Your time could be better spent finding more helpers and hiring them.
I hope you get this concluded soon and can go back to normal life.
You say you and the other brother are helping but then in the next paragraph it is clear that brother is the one doing most of the overnights since the middle of February, plus he works a job and is elderly himself.
What would happen if brother died tomorrow? How would you and other sibling take care of mom? I can bet mom would be moved faster into a SNF if this happened, so get it done now. I don't think your brother can handle another few weeks of this or longer.
If you are waiting on mom to be approved for medicaid before finding a skilled nursing facility for her you don't need to. Many facilities have medicaid pending and will accept a person before all the paper work is officially approved and done.
Facility to facility transfers are the most easily accomplished. Is rehab helping with finding a LTC facility for dad?
Does he have a spouse and family? If so, they are suffering and he is struggling to keep them the priority. Do you and your other brother have spouses and families? If so, they are your priorities, not your parents. This is what they saved their money for, to pay for their care and NOT to burn out their children. And none of you should be paying for any of their care out of your own pockets.
I wish you well in getting your parents into a facility. You've all done yeoman's work -- bless you for doing so.