I need a break. For 6 years I took care of my mother who had lewy's dementia. No help from any of 5 siblings, including the one who lives 4 miles from us. Home health, doctors, medicines, SNIFs, emergency rooms, a woman who came in to help so I could go into office 3 days/week. I work full time but work a lot from home. My mom died at home one morning 1.5 years ago. Now I have my 85 year old father who is increasingly showing memory issues, which started after my mother died. He is very difficult to get along with. Complains about everything, primarily me. I still work full time. But this past couple of days I am very very tired. Pretty much pay for everything including the caregiver who comes in 3 days/week. And still work full-time. My sister who lives 4 miles from us only comes once/month to take my dad to my mom's grave and she is back in 1 hour. This condo my dad and I live in belongs to my dad and mom. My sister is only interested in my dad's money (substantial) and she gets 1/2 in a will he signed in 2014. I get nothing which I have learned to accept. My dad cannot be left alone for 24 hours or live by himself even though he thinks he can. Yes I know about respite care but my dad won't go. My sister won't take him. I am rapidly reaching the end of my rope and don't want to end up broke and homeless. I don't expect an answer but it does help to write it down.

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Hi A10
I am sorry your post hasn’t gotten more answers. First let me say that I’m sorry you are in this situation.
Give us a few more details. I get that you are very tired. That you are worried about your future and that you have no help. Does anyone have POA? Is your income sufficient to pay for your own home? Will you inherit the condo or does that go to the sibs as well?
As the will is written now, are you saying that you are expected to continue to live with your father, pay his bills and then his estate goes to your sister and other siblings?
You need a good lawyer. You have nothing to lose the way you present your situation and perhaps something to gain. Please don’t remain in this very toxic situation. You also need a therapist.
Explore guardianship of your father. This way you could place him in an ALF with his own income. You can be paid to manage his care. The siblings will be notified. Great. If they want guardianship come and get it.
Your parents have left you in a difficult situation that ruins your life. Don’t waste your time feeling bad for yourself. Take action.
Also look into a care contract. Too late for all the work you have done but good for going forward.
What I am suggesting may sound hard but what you are doing is soul crushing.
Take care and come here to vent anytime.
I’m so glad you are able to work. You do have that to build on.
Hugs A10
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to 97yroldmom

Call a family meeting, even if you need to write letters (send them return receipt requested), use Skype or FaceTime and tell your uninvolved siblings that you have reached the end of your rope and/or feelings of duty and commitment to taking care of parents. You need a life and time exclusively of your own. You will, with or without their help or approval, be looking for a facility for Dad. He will be self-pay until he meets Medicaid requirements. His “substantial” funds will quickly go “poof!” If you have POA this will be much easier than if you don’t. Consult with an attorney regarding the condo. If your name is on the deed, you could most likely stay there. But if it isnt, it may have to be sold and the profits used for Dad’s care. Dad will be furious and uncooperative, but this is the time you rethink the Noble Promise to devote your adult life to their care and think of your own health and well-being. In addition, you might be surprised when, faced with the evaporation of their inheritance, your sibs step up for Dad’s care.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Ahmijoy

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