Is this a symptom of caregiver burnout, depression in myself etc. It is so very uncomfortable and embarrassing when asked how I'm faring with my husband and I can hardly get words out without tears.
My SIL used to vent about our MIL. We would say the awful things about her. But because we could vent to each other, we never said those things to her. If we had not had each other to talk to, one of us, would probably have had a nervous breakfront, or said something very hurtful to her. I am so thankful we were there for each other.
Yes, being on the verge of tears all the time could be an indication of depression. Here is another possibility: you may be in mourning. This man whom you love very much and are now taking care of is not the man you fell in love with and married. This is not how you envisioned your life together. So you've had a loss. But it is a kind of hidden loss. There is no announcement in the paper. Friends aren't sending flowers and showing up with a hug and some food. Your grief is private, and you may even feel guilty or embarrassed for having the grief. Or maybe you don't even recognize that that is what is going on. I don't know your husband's prognosis. Maybe he will recover fully and you'll get back the life you envisioned with him. I hope so. But right now you are experiencing a very sad loss. Allow yourself some grief.
Or I may be way off base. For all I know you had a bad marriage and now you are stuck with caring for someone you were planning to divorce. You've still lost the life you were planning for yourself and that is still sad.
Or maybe this is caregiver burnout and the depression that often accompanies that.
Whatever the explanation is I think you would do well to see a specialist for medical treatment and also a therapist for counselling. You deserve it! Would you be comfortable with the doctor who is treating your husband? Get your own doctor if that would feel better. You are in a very hard situation. You deserve all the help you can get.
Please come back and tell us how you are doing and what steps you are taking to take care of yourself.
Sorry you are feeling down, Suszisews and thanks for JessieBelle's comment as have been feeling the same way as well. Seem to be going from grumpy to wanting to cry and holding it in most of the time and not easy or healty either. Hope your hubby is understanding and supportive of you. Please take care and give yourself a break.
How you are feeling is not unusual. It is, in a way, better than becoming numb. Numb is easier to handle, but when we get numb about one thing, it carries over to others. So feel your feelings and know they are yours. Also find someone you can talk to about how you feel. It doesn't have to be a therapist, but just someone you can trust with your feelings.
If you are like me, the more you try to suppress feelings, the more intense they become. I remember watching ET The Extraterrestrial many years ago. I was trying to be stoic and not show any emotions. Well, at the end of the movie, I broke down in tears far more emotional than the movie called for. I know it was because I was trying not to show emotions, and I was so afraid of showing emotions, that when they came out they were way out of proportion.
The same thing happens when I talk sometimes. I can be saying something that is not so emotional, but then I have to stop because for some reason tears well up in the deepest part of me. Never have figured that one out.
So you are not alone in feeling the tears coming when you talk about your husband. Is his depression getting better? The nice thing about typing about it is that you can cry and we will never know. :')
Or I may be way off base. For all I know you had a bad marriage and now you are stuck with caring for someone you were planning to divorce. You've still lost the life you were planning for yourself and that is still sad.
Or maybe this is caregiver burnout and the depression that often accompanies that.
Whatever the explanation is I think you would do well to see a specialist for medical treatment and also a therapist for counselling. You deserve it! Would you be comfortable with the doctor who is treating your husband? Get your own doctor if that would feel better. You are in a very hard situation. You deserve all the help you can get.
Please come back and tell us how you are doing and what steps you are taking to take care of yourself.
If you are like me, the more you try to suppress feelings, the more intense they become. I remember watching ET The Extraterrestrial many years ago. I was trying to be stoic and not show any emotions. Well, at the end of the movie, I broke down in tears far more emotional than the movie called for. I know it was because I was trying not to show emotions, and I was so afraid of showing emotions, that when they came out they were way out of proportion.
The same thing happens when I talk sometimes. I can be saying something that is not so emotional, but then I have to stop because for some reason tears well up in the deepest part of me. Never have figured that one out.
So you are not alone in feeling the tears coming when you talk about your husband. Is his depression getting better? The nice thing about typing about it is that you can cry and we will never know. :')