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I'm the sole caregiver for my 85 year old grandmother. She is very demanding & difficult, passive aggressive, verbally abusive and has to be the center of attention at all times. She is able to live independently without any outside help but she refuses to do so. She expects to be waited on hand and foot. I see her twice a week right now for a few hours each time and I feel like I'm having to walk down death row every time I'm expected at her house. I've been caring for her for 2 years and I'm so burned out. She can be sweet at times but usually only reserves that for everyone else outside of our family but people over time have come to understand her personality. She has zero friends! I feel so guilty for feeling the way that I do because she's the last link I have to my dad, who died when I was 11. Usually I can emotionally distance myself from her but lately it's become too much. My mom, who is only 60, fell and broke her hip last week and had to have a hip replacement. I've been going to her house every day for a few hours to help because my stepfather owns a business and works constantly. I'm a young mother to two young children. We have animals & property to care for. I have my own mental health issues that get in the way of my own daily living and pushing myself just to get out of bed and care about the day is a chore. I'm sorry to whine because I know it could be worse but I am just so overwhelmed and I don't know where to turn. Is it selfish to find someone else to care for my nan? I love her like crazy but I just can't deal with all of the stress anymore. :( Thanks for listening.

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It is NOT selfish....it is necessary! Your kids need you the most and YOU and THEY should be your priority. Get someone else! You have enough on your plate. Visit her once a month and check on her but DON'T let her deplete you.Good luck!
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Thank you, Phoenix 20! :)
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Perseverance, unfortunately there isn't anyone else. My mom & I are the only family members she has left and my mom is unable to even care for herself right now. My brother lives in Boston (I'm in Idaho) and my stepsiblings live in CA.
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The difference between caring for your former clients and your Nan is that she is family. I have worked in the health care field as well, and it is easier to remain detached when there is little to no emotional attachment to the person (s) you are caring for.

When my grandmother was living at home with her youngest daughter, she told my aunt that the only reason she gave birth to her girls was so they would take care of her in her old age. Ouch.

And believe it or not, people tend to show their true colors to close family members/ spouses because there is some level of trust that you will not leave them. Learned that while a counselor for drug/ alcohol addicted teens.

Maintain your boundaries and do what you must to remain healthy (eat right, sleep well, surround yourself with a strong support network).
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Contact a volunteer center, senior center, church group (you get the idea) to see if they can visit your grandma... Your body is trying to tell you to slow down. You have lots of responsibilities, and many people are tugging at you for attention (mom, kids, hubby, grandma). You need to breathe and get some rest. Are there other relatives who can step up to visit grandma?
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Oops, I'm so tired. Sorry! To clarify, my grandmother has no major health issues. I was just using that as a comparison.
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I forgot to mention: I was a CNA for 6 years and took care of people afflicted with Alzheimer's disease. I'm trained in this but for some reason, taking care of Nan has been so much harder than anyone I've taken care of before!
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