Now i cant get her to go for her doctors appt, or to pick up scripts at the pharmacy, I dont have anyone to help me nor do i have any money to hire someone, due to i am on disbility myself. desperate dont know what to do..
What diagnoses does she have if any? In the beginning stages of Alzheimers, one sign is they feel like someone is watching them or doing things to hurt them. She could also have an infection of some kind that could cause reversible dementia or delerium. Need more information to give anymore advice.
I am so sorry that you and your mom are going through this. Did she tell u the exact amount she thought she had in the envelope compared to what was in it? Does she have a bank receipt from a recent withdrawal? Obviously she used the money or placed it somewhere else, if she has less in the envelope than what the bank withdrawal slip shows. My mother accused me of stealing her paper towels, beer, and denture cleanser (no one in my family wears dentures but her). Nothing I could say or my sister could say to her would dissuade her. My mother has not been officially diagnosed, but obviously if she can think her own daughter can steal denture cleanser from her, she's no longer of sound mental health. My sister handles all of my mother's affairs now, because I am afraid of my mother making more false accusations against me. And, she told my sister that if I went over to my mom's house, she would use deadly force against me. Unfortunately, I must stay away. I wish you good luck in resolving this issue with your mom, and I hope your mom gets better.
If you did not take it, tell her so and try to help her "remember" what she spent it on. My mom writes on the outside of her money envelopes the date and what she used the money for. Yes, I said "envelopes". She has several stashes. Bless her heart. You have to smile because getting upset doesn't help.
ayagba1 is right, the best you can do is document somehow, writing on the envelopes, putting receipts in the envelope if you use money on things for her. My mom really cares less about the money, however, she recently told me that someone is stealing her dishtowels! It is so hard to even comprehend what is going on in their minds so try to go with the flow, because it will change 5 minutes from now.
What works best for me with My Mom's "NEW REALITY'' is just that "her reality"!!! If she thinks it's raining outside and it is really a sunny and beautiful day .... trying to get her to believe it's sunny only starts an argument (disagreeing) so I say oh no I forgot my umbrella. Sometimes I am not her daughter to her and if I call her Mom all Heck breaks loose. So I have to figure out who I am to her at that time and I go with it. You'd have better luck trying to explain to the wall where her money went than to get her to understand. So say "Yes... I took your Money, I am bad and I went to jail for that." or something to that effect. Don't take it personally she just cannot remember and you are there so your the one to blame.
"aging justice system" should have read "senior-conscientious" probably. The point is there are a lot of checks and balances in place to protect our aging population--thank goodness. But that means everyone is suspect when it comes to watching out for the "best interest" of the seniors who need care givers.
From your question it is not clear of your Mom's condition. Has she had a diagnosis of any behavioral health issues. This is a sign of mental health issues. This needs to be addressed if you have not done so yet.
@...icecream....except I would not say I took it even in jest if if were not true....one never really knows about our aging justice system...don't want to be caught on the wrong side on a humbug...
Many moons ago Mom's 30-something y/o gangbanging, homeless boyfriend would escorted her to cash SSI checks; or she'd come by whatever "spot" he happened to be at so he could protect her from thieves lurking around cashiers. He had a drug problem, but she was so whipped by his unconditional love the poor thing couldn't see the forest for the trees. So she'd treat him to McDonald's, gifts for his "mother" (other women in his life), parking tickets (he didn't even have a driver's license), and "pocket change" (from the looks of his addictive behaviors, I'd say at least $100). She said he made her feel special, and no other man in the world -- including my Dad -- loved her to the point of being jealous other men would steal her away, whispering sweet nothings on the phone every night, and making sure she was safe. Sometimes he'd sneak behind the building and slide through her bedroom window to kiss her goodnight. Little did she know he was only protecting his "stash" ($) and his "stuff" (her). ... Isn't it amazing how love -- or just being in love with the idea of being in love -- can make you do the silliest things? ... Then, feeling used and idiotic, you can explain it away with some romantic horsehockey like "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
I warned her about him, but she'd always say I was trying to destroy her happiness; that I was an "envidioso" who wanted to tear her down to feel good about the fact I didn't have a woman in my life. (I couldn't get one to hang around long enough after they met her.) I said he was a cokehead, she said he had allergies. We went back and forth until I yelled "When all your money is gone I don't want to hear s__t."
I did hear it. The once playful relationship between her and my sons ended when she began accusing them of going into her stash, followed by the "hussies" I dated (which never came to the house) and the so-called "Bible-thumpers" I let in at 7 in the morning for breakfast and spiritual support. ... Even my pitbulls were blamed for eating her money. All 3 kept their distance as well.
A month later I installed an alarm system. Her strungout boyfriend, aka "Corso," "Icepick" and "Junior," was arrested coming out of the apartment; twice. She asked me for $ to bail him out. Not a dime. He was sent Upstate. Poor love-sick woman wrote every day, he wrote 3x ... in pencil.
To this day, she's convinced my kids and I stole her $; and that I set her boyfriend up just to destroy her "marriage." My sisters believe her, but never met that "andrajoso" that came out of jail and told her a santero told him someone close cast a "brujo" (spell) to keep them apart. ... Yep. I did that too.
You didn't take the money, and the more you explain yourself the guiltier you look in her eyes. Remain firm, but definitely make use of the strategies AgingCare family have suggested. Predicaments like yours don't go away easily, particularly if the person has a mental health issue. So take what you want to get what you need to restore some peace.
Push comes to shove, insist she put all her money in the bank; where it'll be "safe" and her expenses can be tracked.
If she thinks it's raining outside and it is really a sunny and beautiful day .... trying to get her to believe it's sunny only starts an argument (disagreeing) so I say oh no I forgot my umbrella. Sometimes I am not her daughter to her and if I call her Mom all Heck breaks loose. So I have to figure out who I am to her at that time and I go with it. You'd have better luck trying to explain to the wall where her money went than to get her to understand. So say "Yes... I took your Money, I am bad and I went to jail for that." or something to that effect. Don't take it personally she just cannot remember and you are there so your the one to blame.
Many moons ago Mom's 30-something y/o gangbanging, homeless boyfriend would escorted her to cash SSI checks; or she'd come by whatever "spot" he happened to be at so he could protect her from thieves lurking around cashiers. He had a drug problem, but she was so whipped by his unconditional love the poor thing couldn't see the forest for the trees. So she'd treat him to McDonald's, gifts for his "mother" (other women in his life), parking tickets (he didn't even have a driver's license), and "pocket change" (from the looks of his addictive behaviors, I'd say at least $100). She said he made her feel special, and no other man in the world -- including my Dad -- loved her to the point of being jealous other men would steal her away, whispering sweet nothings on the phone every night, and making sure she was safe. Sometimes he'd sneak behind the building and slide through her bedroom window to kiss her goodnight. Little did she know he was only protecting his "stash" ($) and his "stuff" (her). ... Isn't it amazing how love -- or just being in love with the idea of being in love -- can make you do the silliest things? ... Then, feeling used and idiotic, you can explain it away with some romantic horsehockey like "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
I warned her about him, but she'd always say I was trying to destroy her happiness; that I was an "envidioso" who wanted to tear her down to feel good about the fact I didn't have a woman in my life. (I couldn't get one to hang around long enough after they met her.) I said he was a cokehead, she said he had allergies. We went back and forth until I yelled "When all your money is gone I don't want to hear s__t."
I did hear it. The once playful relationship between her and my sons ended when she began accusing them of going into her stash, followed by the "hussies" I dated (which never came to the house) and the so-called "Bible-thumpers" I let in at 7 in the morning for breakfast and spiritual support. ... Even my pitbulls were blamed for eating her money. All 3 kept their distance as well.
A month later I installed an alarm system. Her strungout boyfriend, aka "Corso," "Icepick" and "Junior," was arrested coming out of the apartment; twice. She asked me for $ to bail him out. Not a dime. He was sent Upstate. Poor love-sick woman wrote every day, he wrote 3x ... in pencil.
To this day, she's convinced my kids and I stole her $; and that I set her boyfriend up just to destroy her "marriage." My sisters believe her, but never met that "andrajoso" that came out of jail and told her a santero told him someone close cast a "brujo" (spell) to keep them apart. ... Yep. I did that too.
You didn't take the money, and the more you explain yourself the guiltier you look in her eyes. Remain firm, but definitely make use of the strategies AgingCare family have suggested. Predicaments like yours don't go away easily, particularly if the person has a mental health issue. So take what you want to get what you need to restore some peace.
Push comes to shove, insist she put all her money in the bank; where it'll be "safe" and her expenses can be tracked.
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