I can't even begin to comprehend that he is gone. During the last 3 years he was ventilator dependent and paralyzed, and had 24 hours nursing care in the home. On February 9th, my 100 year old mother died. She lived in a different town and I went up there to arrange her funeral and clean out her room in assisted living. I was gone for a week. I was back no more than 2 days when my sister-in-law (in same town as mom) died and back I went. I was gone for 3 days this time. I returned on a Monday. The following Saturday my husband was very ill and I said we had to go to the emergency room. He told me, the EMTs and the ER doc that he was refusing treatment and wanted to die. For the next 24 hours I stayed by him as the vent was disconnected and he finally breathed his last. Now I was planning a funeral again in town, then a whirlwind trip out of state to bury him in the cemetery at the little country church where he grew up. Now I am home a week with thank yous to write from Mom and his funeral, rattling around an empty house, unemployed since December, and just feeling lost. Yesterday all I did was sit in a chair and stare all day. I'm scared this could become my norm. How do I get through all this crazy season of loss?