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First off let me start, I'm 23 years old, I was 22 when my grandmother came to me concerned her children where attempting to move her into a home, she was 75 at the time, she passed away this Past September. I'm a Medical Assistant, and have been extremely close with my grandmother, she took me in when I was 3, and raised me as her son. My father is her youngest of four children. I went part time from my job in January of 2017, and officially had to quit to care for her full time in July/August of 2017. She lived here with us from July to her death September 16, 2017. I was not only her POA at the time but her full time caregiver. She was hospitalized 3 times due to severe UT Infections, her body had become antibiotic resistant. The over load in bacteria is what claimed her life. APS was involved twice, bank statements have been submitted twice i've been cleared of negligence twice. My father is now claiming that I stole from my grandmother, and that she was incompetent. To my knowledge and to two of aunts knowledge that statements are not valid. The issue at hand is my grandmother gave me money to use as a down payment on a home for me and her to move into. She refused to live her remainder days in a nursing facility, and could not return the home she owned due to health concerns, mold and etc. None of her children were willing to move into her home with her, and none of children offered for her to come home with them at the time. She refused to put more money into the home she lived due to a rather large tax situation that she fell into from not filing income tax for the past 6 years, she was concerned about losing money and landing in a situation that would require to stay in a nursing home. I and my family, my 2 year old and fiance were renting a small house and where in preparation of transitioning into a home that we were going to purchase from my fiances grandparents requiring no home owner deposit. However my fiances grandparents received a cash offer for the home and in this market and their age it was an opportunity they could not risk so the home was sold and we were back on the hunt for a home (my grandmother was in rehab at this point recovering from a UTI) after 26 days she was clear to leave, but had no place to go. Me and her decided to pay for an additional month, so she could continue making progress on her strength and health, and me and my fiance could continue to the hunt for a home for us all to move into. Once we found a home, we began paperwork, credit checks etc. At the time I was unaware that a POA isn't allowed to accept money. This is my fault. My ignorance. However, we never once hid the fact that my grandmother utilized this money in this way, every one of her kids were aware of it. And to this day, the two aunts who were involved in this process agree, and vouch. They do not agree my grandmother was wrong for what she did, they know it was her wish, they had conversations with her about it. My father at the time said similar things. However, after her death, and after finding that she didn't leave her home to him in the will, he and the estranged sister are pursuing me for the money my grandmother gave to us for the deposit on this home. I have no criminal record, and in my heart I felt I was doing the right thing. It was opportunity to keep my grandmother out of a facility, and an opportunity for her money to go somewhere meaningful. This gift did not leave her insolvent, between the remaining of her savings and Social Security we were still in a position to keep up tax drafts, pay bills and compensate me for loss wages (Assist the home in its debt) of the year and a half I was POA and Caring for my grandmother, two months of which I was a full time caregiver with no (Shift change, release work or help) I received about 5,000.00, a lot of people are considering this pay for the time ive put in with my grandmother as insufficient and thats why two of my aunts are not pursing the money used for the deposit on this home. I received 10,000.00 to make the home ours. That money was used for the deposit, as well buying her a bed, a tv, a walker, wedges, etc. My issue is I have no proof. I trusted bank statements to do the talking should something need to be explained, I trusted adult protective services when they green lighted my care for my grandmother. (The money from her to me reflected in the statements submitted to APS) My grandmother always told me I was doing a great job, we had many, many beautiful moments leading up to her transition. I'm not sure what my purpose was anymore coming here, support I guess? Or scrutiny. I feel like a young idiot who bit off way more than he could chew and its going to land me with a criminal record (per my dad) ive never been to court, or sued or prosecuted. Ive always been an independent self providing person, my grandmother has always helped family with things like this so it never seemed wrong. Any advice?

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Dear Trey,

I know you loved your grandmother and tried to do the best you could for her. I'm sorry to hear about what has happened. I'm not sure if you can consult with an attorney about your options or a social worker.
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Let me preface with: I am not an attorney. I would document everything that you can thru memory and keep copies of everything you can lay your hands on. Plus get written statements from the aunts who can vouch for your grandmother's verbal statements of her wishes. Then sit back and wait. Unless there are creditors due large sums, I think family is your only concern. And... he (dad or anyone else) would have to get an attorney to take his case. That's my two-cents, but as I said --I'm not an attorney.
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Trey, would doctor's testify that grandma was of sound mind and that she needed the care? Grandma has every right to use her money as she sees fit, if competent. Aunt's will help a lot with their statements. Who is executor of her will? Was anything ever written, a contract, about what services you were to provide and how much you were to be paid?
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Thanks for the advice, I spoke with an attorney today and I’ll be seeing him Wednesday just to make sure all my ducks are in line. There was no preset documented contract or agreement in regards to the funds it was a simple conversation with my grandmother and a get it done soon type of discussion (she was ready to get out of the nursing facility) ... the lawyer believes I don’t have much to be concerned with, we will get things together soon and wait for the law suit to happen.

I’ve done so incredibly much over the last year and half for my grandmother with 0 help from the two who are now pursuing this claim. (Clean up a Tax mess, budget over spending, renew expired policies, and finally care for her 24-7 until she passed away here in the home she chose).

I hope everything works out safely, not only for the sake of my grandmother and the family that’s being drug along through this. But my son and fiancé, she continued working nearly 6 days a week so we wouldn’t need to utilize any extra money from my grandmother because of the money given to us for the home. My aunt and father fail to realize it’d have cost so incredibly much more to hire a live in, or worse leave her at the nursing home against her wishes.

Regardless the outcome. Whether I end up in some horrible hole or not. I know I did everything exactly the way my grandmother wanted. She was happy, she was safe, she was clean and for the first time in 56 years she got to live in a house not eat up with mold or infested with cock roaches (why she wasn’t allowed to return home- Dad lived there with her for 3 years in the mess and then moved into his own small clean home with his gf and left her there) ... my heart feels no guilt or shame, and I intend to return plenty of the money we received in due time in a beautiful and giving way. But not to them. Whether it’s a small fund for the great grandchildren, or an actual burial plot for her cremated remains this tax season. The money will come. And I know she’ll appreciate it. Over all I hate that my son has lost a grandparent that he adored over greed and selfishness.

Thanks all.
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I feel for your having done the job no one else wanted to do and, as is so often the case, "no good deed goes unpunished". You would have been fine up to misusing your POA. Good luck, but you did bite off more than you can chew.
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It happens in every family. Kudos to you for making her remaining life better. The lawyer will probably tell you that you were allowed to collect rent and get a salary. Your biggest concern will be whether the tax lien is satisfied. Maybe get notarized statements from the aunts while you still can? It's a sorry dad that will take from his son, but that is probably why your gmother was raising you.
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I was my mom's ex of her estate. I had never even had a speeding ticket never been to see a lawyer and found myself at the lawyer every week because the others ganged up except my two sisters to try to sue me every month because they thought my mom should have more assets then she did . I prevailed through each case.only going to court one time and that got throwed out.they would try filling suit on my birthday, anvrsery,Christmas ,every special day.thay lost and wound up with a $12.000 lawyer fee they wanted me to pay because there lawyer found out they had no money to pay. Just giveing you a heads up on what to expect. Get a good lawyer and do exactly what he tells you. And don't talk to the other's about the case had one sibling who was a spy and only found out at first court visit. Just a heads up to what to expect. It's just jealousy and greed.I went through 14 years of it.
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See an elder care attorney. My Dad's was wonderful.
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Gtmerkley--THEY sued you [unsuccessfully] but then expected YOU to pay their legal fees?? Of all the nerve!!
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The same happens in other families, don`t feel too guilty about this. First thing you should do is get a lawyer to fight your case, I wish you luck.
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So sorry you had to go through all that at such a young age. I hope that your attorney can help ease your mind and the stress of dealing with difficult (greedy) relatives. Death does strange things to people. It seems to tear families apart more than bring them together. You sound like you are well grounded thanks to your grandmother. I'm sure she was very proud of you.
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Trey, I'm only going to address one aspect; there's a lot going on in your life right now, and I just want to offer a suggestion on the issue of a suit against you.

Your thread title indicates you're being sued, but in your last post you mention waiting for the suit to happen. So I assume that thus far your father has threatened but not taken action?

If so, you have the option of a few pre-emptive actions.

1. Ask your attorney whether your father's accusations rise to the level of slander or libel. If so, discuss whether a cease and desist letter from your attorney would be appropriate.

2. If your father does sue, raise with your attorney the issue of countersuing for emotional pain, slander and libel which have damaged your reputation, etc. If you countersue, include in your request for relief reimbursement not only for damages but for out of pocket costs.

I've suggested this to someone else in your situation some time ago, and another very wise poster felt my suggestion was inappropriate. That might happen again. Each of us has different opinions.

I've found that sometimes using a big legal stick is more effective than trying to reason with people. If I were in your position, I'd find an experienced, aggressive attorney who would also aggressively represent my interests.

3. People use the threat of suit to intimidate, threaten, and inflict emotional terror on others. Turn that against your father; he might be surprised and back off.

I love the AF motto: "eyes on the olive branch, arrows at the ready." So get out your legal arrows and defend yourself.

And BTW, I hope you're documenting, listing, dating and doing a thorough job of cataloguing all the threats, as well as the specific expenditures and your father's failure to provide care for GM.

And avoid speaking with your father by phone b/c phone conversations are hard to document unless you've stated you're complying with federal statutes and notifying (your father) that the conversation will be recorded.
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Join the club of others who are also held accountable for mishandling funds and abusing POA. Now that your grandma passed, someone else close to her will have to be chosen by the court as her fiduciary over her estate. I can promise you that if there's proof you're being sued it won't be you but it will be someone else chosen by the court. Estates are opened through probate. Hopefully whoever her fiduciary is will call their state bar association and get a lawyer. Hopefully it's whoever found proof of miss handling of the funds. I'm dealing with the very same thing as my dad's fiduciary because his live-in POA took advantage of him in his old age and what makes it even worse is he had Alzheimer's. This may or may not surprise you, but mishandling of elderlys' money happens far more common than you may think. The only reason why my situation has been going on for as long as it has is because it took me months to even find a lawyer despite contacting several others. I probably could have had this all straightened out by now if I would've found a lawyer sooner and now in Ohio it takes right around nine months approximately if not longer to settle an estate. I think you better do your homework and find out about elder financial abuse, there are multiple videos out there uploaded by actual lawyers who handle these types of cases every day. As your grandma's former POA, you'll be required to cough up an accounting at some point to prove where all of grandma's money went and why. If she had any assets, someone will also be looking into any homes or cars and anything else money related she may have had so you better be ready to cough up anything the court asks of you. A fiduciary usually has full powers giving them authority to also ask for records from the past POA. If the fiduciary has a lawyer then the lawyer has access most people don't. I'm sure the family wouldn't be coming after you unless there was proof something really was amiss, which is the only reason way you can get a lawyer these days, if the case is winnable and the lawyer is not overloaded with other cases and just too busy. Providing they actually can help will determine on whether or not you can even find a lawyer right away and it may take a while. Sifting through all the lawyers who aren't just in it for the money is a challenge when all they want is an upfront fee and you're on low income like Social Security. When you have a big huge case where fraud was suspected and even proven by the family of their deceased elders, that's when people know they need legal counsel to help them straighten it out. Now if the case is against you, you'll also need a lawyer who can't help you because chances are likely they're going to come up with a plan for repayment if you're found guilty and the plaintiff has proven it with documentation or proof. That's when you don't have a leg to stand on and your lawyer will have to handle you as the guilty party and you will have to repay what was stolen or misappropriated.

In Ohio I can honestly say that if your POA over someone else and use your powers to benefit yourself, the law will definitely come after you if it's proven and the paperwork is found because signatures are definitely compared by experts in the field. This is how the POA over my dad was busted when she used her POA powers to change the life insurance beneficiary to herself right before dad died. In Ohio this is not allowed and POA's who do this in Ohio can get in very hot water. Another thing I can warn you of is if you were to inherit something from your grandma and you happen to have done something very bad to her, you can very well be disqualified from inheriting whatever you were set to inherit from her. Every situation differs but one thing that will be found out is whether or not your grandma was even competent and able to make very important decisions. The fiduciary can subpoena records relevant to the case but this is best done with the help of a lawyer. Lawyers are absolutely needed in estate cases. That's because having a lawyer will prevent mistakes made by the fiduciary and prevent them from being sued over those mistakes. A final thing I must warn you of is prepare to cough up some serious money for the estate. If you really mishandled or stole anything from grandma you'll be required to pay the estate. Don't be surprised if there's a lien put on your bank account, your home or even your car depending on how much money is being recovered. Just remember not to try to hide money or assets because the judge will be able to use his power to take appropriate action if you dispose of anything during this time. If you hide or attempt to dispose of any assets, there'll be a record of it and the plaintiffs lawyer will find it and so will the judge if the judge deems necessary to also look into the matter when not dealing with another case in court. Don't be surprised if you're being subpoenaed to appear. Not appearing is not only in contempt of court but also gives a default judgment win to the plaintiff. If this happens, you'll definitely get an automatic judgment against you and you'll definitely have to pay the judgment. One thing you mentioned that really stands against you is you have absolutely no proof of where grandma's money went and why. I think it would've been in your best interest to do your homework about your state laws on POA before getting into this situation. Sadly, so many people end up getting in trouble over mishandling someone else's money. You may have bitten off more than you can chew because you're so young and now you're looking at a criminal record. Let this be a very expensive lesson learned on your part because it will cost you big-time. I don't know how long something like this will stay on your record if you're convicted but it will blackball you from jobs requiring handling money  because businesses will see you as I'm trustworthy to handle money if you've been convicted and they find out about it. This is especially true if you happen to get hired at a bank and don't disclose this particular situation and they find out about it later. They won't be happy with you and you'll probably be fired on the spot if they hire you unknowingly and find out later you have something on your record. They're less likely to want to hire you even if you're honest  if the job really requires handling money. Working at a bank requires handling lots of money daily, and no bank will hire someone who's not trustworthy to handle money if they have something on their record because if you were proven to have mishandled someone else's money, you're sure not handling money for a company. One thing to remember is that if you're found guilty you may also have to pay all legal fees besides just the estate. Paying all legal fees includes not just yours but also the plaintiff's legal fees
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I feel for you guy. I'll have to tell you our story sometime, it has a few similarities. First thing's first, how did she give you this money? Second thing you need to know is how difficult it is to prove competency or lack of, even if she had been diagnosed with dementia, which you didn't mention. She had every right to spend her money her way, especially if it was to her benefit. You have witnesses of her intent with her money. You'll have to get yourself an attorney, and know that prosecuting a case like this will likely cost them 15k you say you received. If APS has cleared you, you are unlikely to get a criminal record since they investigate and submit that info to a DA who decides if it's enough to take you to court, which doesn't happen often. If you have your aunts as witnesses, get them on tape saying so, or a sworn notarized witness statement. Then it's time to get an attorney, and tell them everything you know, even if you think it'll hurt your case. Prepare for a long fight. The legal system takes Years. For me the false accusations started almost a yr ago, and, after proving each one to be false, they still haven't filed anything with the court. Just lots of money defending myself. It's not about the money, for me at least, I refuse to allow people to lie about me, and my honor and integrity is worth the fight. Just be prepared for a yr, or several, of misery, while you make your case.
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Trey, darlin',
You are a good person, and a fine grandson--a credit to the woman who raised you.
If I understand your post, you got $15,000 from your grandmother with her knowledge and agreement to spend on what she wanted, and two of your aunts agree with that. Unless she was mentally incompetent, you had every right--indeed, as POA you had an obligation--to do what she wanted done with her money.
Unless your dad and his accomplice can prove you used this money against your grandmother's best interest when she was incompetent, they are in the wrong.
Keep knowing you did what was right for the woman who loved and raised you. Don't be afraid of the greedy ones, and don't be frightened by posts here that warn of awful things.
Let your attorney help you. My guess is that your dad and aunt won't have a case that an attorney will take once they get the facts.
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Seek out an elder law attorney.
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Sorry to say this all to common with families. Once a member dies; everyone wants their inheritance. I am glad you got an attorney, document everything you can. Make a list of people who can vouch what you did for grandma: doctors, social workers, rehab staff, neigbors etc.

I agree with Garden Artist - a lot of people will threaten with law suits. My husband had a situation where he was accused and threatened of legal actions of something he didn't do. He hired an attorney, those making the false accusations would not cooperate with the attorney and all charges were dropped.

I also agree not to speak to family members that are harassing you; tell them everything will be handled by your attorney. Sorry you have to go through this. My deadbeat loser sister, who hasn't seen mom in over 30 years told adult protective services that I was abusing my mother. I was investigated and - no charges were found. There is hope! Good luck - I wish you the best.
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It has happened to many. I was accused of verbally abusing my grandmother because I wrote down the dementia symptoms she was showing and gave them to her doctor. She told her sons she was fine, and that I was trying to make her look bad, and APS got called. I spoke to APS, and that was the end of it. Their attorney told them they didn't have a case, so they found a new attorney and didn't tell him the parts where we had spent 9 months proving every accusation to be false. So now I get to send all of this to the new guy. Still no lawsuit. This started in January. *sigh* This is all because Grandma offered to sell us her house after we put in a ton of work (in the neighborhood of 30% value) The home had 2 kinds of termites, 5 kinds of black mold, a leaky roof, flash floods annually, needs a new foundation, a new septic system, new wiring and plumbing, and had no insulation on 50% of it. She no longer remembers any of that, and swears the house was in perfect condition. Her sons were so uninvolved (a max of 10hour spent with her a year despite living close by) they too swear the house was in perfect shape. She paid her attorney to draft the contract, and it was notarized. Now she swears it was something else. She no longer remembers the contract, the 2 yrs of work, and she's telling confabulated stories that I can prove are false. Still they refuse to have her evaluated siting that they believe she's fine because she says she is. She's almost 90. So we trudge through, knowing we did nothing wrong, but having to cope with the accusations anyways. Someone mentioned before the Libel/slander suits that can come with these situations. I'm in one of those now too. A cousin began slandering us by name on social media, and now she's being named in a libel suit. I'm a little older than you, but I've never done anything wrong in my life (not even a speeding ticket) but when it comes to family making accusations, there is no getting around it. Stand your ground kid. Do it because they'll know who you are at your core, and never mess with you again. (((hugs))) Deep breath, it'll be ok.
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