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I mean at home until they pass. I have been taking care of mom with daycare for almost two years now. Brother passed left all his money to wife. I am 63 and tired, but mom can still walk some and uses Bsc. I placed her in nursing home 6 months ago for 3 days and brought her home. It made me physically sick too walk in the place. I couldn't get them to give her fluids just meals. I live in ga and the nursing homes are horrible, all understaffed. I feel like I am in a dilemma. She gets 1000 month for me to work with and no assets. Do you think I can manage at home until she passes?she is 88 and in prett.y good shape physically

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Thankyou for all your responses. I wasn't clear on the income. Mom gets 1000 a month. I worked for 31 yrs at hospital as nurse and now get disability for my back. I am concerned when she csn no longer attend daycare and paying for help etc. she will qualify for medicaid in nursing home, but not at home. I had hospice and t hey signed off. I liked the idea of dollar store cushions to protect chairs.I am just tired pureeing meals etc and no emotional support etc. I have one great male friend but not same as family. My brother who died was well off but left everything to wife and she is a greedy narcissist person. I guess I'll just do what I can day yo day. The idea of nursing home just makes me nauseated, especially as I am retired nurse and want things done right. It's sad that state mandates how much help is needed. Evidently not someone who has worked in health field.the government doesn't understand that it would be very simple to give pts adequate fluid to avoid utis and hospitslizations . Also just more cnas yo keep pts clean and dry and avoid decubitusetc. It is sad the way our elderly are not cared for
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I think all nursing homes are understaffed.
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Nicenurse, Olmaandme has given you some good suggestions. They may not apply to your situation, but pick the ones that fit!

I am glad Mom has been going to a day program. Did you resume that when she returned from the nursing home? Do you do part-time work during the hours she is gone?

It sounds like income is one of the biggest problems for you. Is that right? Two people living on $12,000 a year is a challenge!

Is Mom on Medicaid? Are they paying for the day care? Does Mom get at least one meal a day there? Is your household eligible for food stamps? Are you in subsidized housing? If Mom has a Medicaid case worker, discuss your situation with that person, and be sure you are taking advantage of every benefit. For example, if Mom is incontinent they pay for supplies. (At least in this state. Talk to the case worker for specifics about your state.)

As to whether you can care for her to the very end, that is hard to predict. Dementia gets worse over time. Always. (Unless the person dies of something else first.) It is not typical that someone with dementia can be cared for by a single person in a private home through the final stages. Usually it takes three shifts of people with the right resources readily available to keep the patient safe and calm and comfortable. Some people do manage to keep their loved ones home. It depends on how the dementia progresses and what other health issues come up.

My husband's dementia was moderate up until the final several months, and then as he got physically worse and worse he was cognitively stable and did not have difficult behaviors. With the help of a PCA, a hospital bed, and at the end, hospice care, I was able to have him at home with me the entire 10 years he had dementia.

My mother was living with my sister, who did an awesome job of caring for her, but developed health issues that were beyond Sis to handle. Mom (94) is now in a nursing home. She will never walk again, and she is a two-person transfer with a sit-to-stand machine. Among my three sisters and I we visit every day. We see her dementia getting worse, but she is content and well-cared-for.

So I wouldn't predict whether you'll be able to keep Mom home with you to the end. Lots of factors enter into that.

What are your plans for your own future? When Mom dies and you no longer have her $1,000, what will you do to support yourself? Will you be eligible in a few years for your own SS check? Any assets or other sources of income? Are you working at all now?

Hugs to you. What you are attempting is hard. Keep in touch and let us know how things progress for you.
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I'm 64,my mother 94 and "physically" in good shape other than a chronic urinary infection.It's been difficult but I find organization and schedule is the key.
Everything I need is close at hand in any room; bedroom-Bed changes, clothes) bathroom (gloves,foamy soap, towels, baby wipes, irrigation bottles for cleansing the undercarriage quickly,bags for disposables etc.
Schedule is never varied; not hers or mine.Why? I believe that the mind, despite it's growing impairment registers the "habit". I find my mother experiences less agitation as well which makes my life a lot easier!
The organization and schedules (for me) make the days routines faster, more efficient and leave me with a little time between to myself.
Little inexpensive tricks:I found an old garage alarm at the thrift store, installed it over her bedroom door.It alerts me to movement outside the room ($2)
I use little deadbolts installed out of her reach (if I go to shower or powder room) to prevent wandering outside ( $1 each at the restore)I "childproofed" electrical outlets, no drugs,cleansers or sharp objects that can easily found etc.Took away unnecessary furniture hazards in room and padded corners on those she is attached to etc.
I use dollar store chair pads on her furniture as they wash easily and protect her favorite chair from unpleasant odors.
My only real prob has been bed changing.I have a bad back.Her mattress is extremely heavy and generally I had to change it at least twice a night.Night-time or maxi strength diapers weren't cutting it so I added an extra night sticky pad to the diaper.It's worked.Now with regular set in stone toileting visits she is rarely wets through or soils the bed.
I am careful about the drugs she has been prescribed (she suffers from sciatica and tic delaroux) as often they adversely affect her disposition and have caused other problems.I do my own homework on drugs and the elderly. Many drugs were not shown to only marginally help or have adverse effects on the elderly that do not show up in a younger person as with mood elevating drugs.
If you set your mind to this,you can do it even on a meager income and I speak from experience.
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At 63, I highly doubt it, but you can die trying.
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