Spouse's sibling has P.O.A. Mid 90s y.o. parent still lives alone, very likely on borderline, resists home care-makes excuses re: refusal. Has 50+ year history of "What will the neighbors think?" Refuses microwave, refuses to use a walker (has one collecting dust). It's not a matter of education to use walker, it's apparently fear with a large dose of pride and stubbornness. Wants to use cane w/ one hand & hang on to either spouse or his sib (who now requests my spouses' help getting parent to M.D. appt.). My spouse wants to go back w/ them at upcoming M.D. visit. to meet w/ M.D.Spouse already said to parent my spouse wanted to go back w/ them, but I fear he made a mistake by telling parent he wants to get a prescription for a wheelchair and/or a walker. His parent then changed acceptance of my spouse going back to meet the doctor.
Doctor's ethnic origin has kids taking care of parents to the grave & has told parent several times--"You don't want to go to a nursing home." Sibling has found out cost of nursing home & has vested interest in getting monetary gifts (also an ongoing issue over lifetime of both sib and parents) and in 1/2 of parent's money in bank.
I feel for my spouse. Both sib and parent have been not nice to my spouse, but spouse feels an obligation to help. Spouse is frustrated that parent refuses help. Should spouse just wipe their hands and give up, as spouse may do if issues remain unresolved? (I personally would at this stage of affairs have done an end run around both parent and sib if I were in spouse's shoes and have gotten a message to the M.D. or staff at this point in time, but that's just me. Spouse knows their family dynamics better than I and what are the repercussions of not discussing things w/ their family, but I think at some point, sib and/or spouse need to put their foot down). Advice or comments would be appreciated.