How can I deal with Mom when she doesn't know me but hates me?

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Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's six years ago and Dad has been caring for her ever since. Now he needs help and I moved in to take some of the load off his shoulders. She's 87 and he's 85. Mom acts like she doesn't know me, and no matter how many people (Dad, me, my sisters, nurses) have talked to her, she insists I am not her daughter. If I so much as say good morning, she gets furious, calls me names, says she hates me, accuses me of indecent activities, and always looks like she wants to kill me. Her anger is extreme. I passed her one evening in the hallway and she was lovingly stroking a very sharp pair of scissors. I'm not afraid of her, but I do sleep behind a locked door at night. I cook, clean, do laundry, grocery shop, and make repairs around the house. If I have to leave, they will end up in a nursing facility; their doctor told me it was time. I honestly cannot treat Mom with unwonted kindness, but I am always polite and respectful. Does anyone know of a way we might get through to her and convince her I am their daughter?

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I am so sorry you are going through this nextphase. Unfortunately you will not be able to convince your mother you are indeed her daughter. It is very sad and my heart goes out to you and your family but a care facility will be best for everyone.
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No, I don't think there is a way to get through to her about your identity. And how awful it must be for her to be forced to accept this hateful stranger into her home! (Looking at it from her perspective.)

It sounds like it is time for your parents to be cared for in a care center, as the doctor suggests.

My heart goes out to you. This has to be extremely hard on you.
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She most likely will not be able to be convinced that you are her daughter. I am so sorry, I cannot imagine the heartache that must be accompanied by your own Mother not knowing who you are. I think the doctor is right - it is time for a nursing home - at least for your Mother. I worked in a dementia unit at a hospital and please be careful with your own safety. A demented mind can easily mistake you for an intruder and stab you with scissors. Take care of yourself!!
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