Mom is 93, widowed 9 years, not in bad physical health other than a-fib and inability to take blood thinners, getting forgetful and repetitive. Her basic problems are eating (she won't) deafness (won't get a hearing aid) and attitude (she wants to die already.) She wanted to go live with her sister (80) and sell her house, which I made happen for her. Once at her sister's awhile she quit eating completely, and 5 days later passed out and fell down. Hospital showed she had a minor heart attack, sent her to rehab facility to get her eating again. Rehab bounced her for not co-operating, sent her to the nursing home area at 11,000.00+ per month. She resumed eating after 19 days. Now she wants to go "home" (sold) or back to sister, who is not up to take her back. She has 3 sibs and several others who visit in my aunt's town. I live 4 hrs away, in "BFE", miles from nowhere, in a hilly forest area. My home is heated with wood and a deep steep 40 foot ravine defines 3 sides of my yard. My husband has mental health issues and altho he loves Mom, I fear the stress will get to him and he will rage and holler in front of her. I just had major back surgery and my rehab period was interrupted by the crisis, so I'm also a mess...and so is my house, which I'm in no condition to get clean enough to Mom's standards right now. On top of all, we are night people. So, here's the Q. Will we be more successful to take an apt in my Aunt's town and move in there and take care of her with the help of some home health aides OR bring her to my home which is unconventional and not quite up to her standards. (BTW, she will not like either option.) Additional info - We "don't understand each other" (her) and I love her but have rarely felt close to her. I have the POA and am executer, there is a son 2000 miles away, also in poor health and can't be counted on for much unless it is critical comments. She's a Kevorkian fan and has a strict advance directive and DNR in place. I HAVE to care for her, at 11 grand a month her savings won't outlive her, I think. But the cost of an apt and etc would be on her, as I would have no job but care, and we can barely afford one household. However, it would be much less than the nursing home is. Plus an apt would be neutral territory. I'm going to hate giving up my rural life for a small ugly city, and it might jeopordize my marriage if it goes on too long. I have to make the decision - bring her here or get her an apt and move 4 hrs away for what could be 6 months or 4 years. Please give me your educated opinions on this decision. I take apt one day and home the next, and honestly, the apt seems best due to the stress it would cause at home. But then I made the mistake of helping her get moved back to her hometown, and hindsight says I should have cared for her in her paid-off home...HELP!! I'm chasing my tail, and don't feel confident to make a good decision. Home or apt?