How do you care for your parent when they have always had some form of mental illness?

gvergirl

well said and thats the spirit you can do it I can do it an so can everyone else that has had to deal with this kind of parent/parents. It is ot our responsibility to do their bidding 24/7 and I am sorry but every one gets old and dies I have a great life it can be better, it is going to get better and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it. These are the good old days so don't waste them on someone who won't even admit they have PROBLEM And think you can fix everything in there life that didn't go according to their wishes. If mine tells me one more time what a great mother she was she may leave this world sooner than she thinks NOT but oh how I wish sometimes God forgive me.

gvergrl,
You say that "We need to understand in order to be satisfied with it, and move on."
I must confess that I still don't understand it after 50+ years of trying. The only thing I do understand is that I had a childhood worth forgetting and a lot of emotional scars that haunted me throughout my life. What helped me most--especially during my mother and father's final years was taking that first step:"Admitting that I was powerless over the effects of alcoholism and family dysfunction and that my life had become unmanageable" Then I was ready to turn it over and that is when I really began to recover and get healthy. Before that point I had tried everything, short of self-destruction, to find peace. This included all manor of forced solutions like trying to please at the cost of my own identity, being the perfect son etc. Agreeing with neighbors and relatives when they told me what a wonderful person my father was and how good of him to take care of my mother. Then I did nothing as he verbally abused my mother when she was in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's. Yes I understood it. Yes I understood that it was a crazy and unhealthy environment. And being raised Catholic, I tried to reconcile all this with the Commandment "Honor thy father and thy mother" which locked me into inaction. I did not want to piss off God and my parents at the same time. (Yes that is how I "understood" the commandment. Then someone sent by God explained to me that we honor our parents simply by admitting that they gave us life--nothing else is required. Wow--did that unlock a large portion of my personality!) My wife-who comes from a similar background--said to me as we were going to my father's wake: "It is going to be hard hearing all his friends and neighbors telling you how wonderful he was...don't you wish just one person would say 'He was a mean ol SOB, but were probably going to miss him'" That got me through it because I knew I had at least one person in this world who knew the truth. And I said before in this forum that although I may never understand it, I can honor my father because he gave me life and I can forgive him because he really did do the best he could with what he had.

There you go ez...what works for one person does not have to work for another.

Please folks read the post about forgiveness that I posted. Don't let what society dictates what is politically correct or religions dictate what you must do for yourself. You do what is right for you. So much has been taken away or for granted about your life, it's time that you get to be the phoenix and rise from the ashes.

Many of this I feel is because of the heavy 'quilt complex' these types of parents but on us, or what society pressures to put on us due they are parents, but abusers in the eyes of society will always be abusers don't loose sight of that.

Dear friends, I just got back from mom's follow up appointment with the Geriatric Assessment Specialty Clinic. They washed their hands, saying there was nothing more they could do, and that it's a psychiatric issue. Mom has an appointment with a Psychiatrist on Monday. Being in the room with her, two pharmacist and the doctor for 2 1/2 hours was difficult. She poured out her anger, and wrath on me, spewing and sputtering, and accusing, and kept repeating herself, over and over about "all that's been taken away," and it's all my (her daughter) fault. I'm the problem, according to mom.

It was so difficult, and extremely emotionally painful for me to have all that vengeance directed toward me. The Pharmacist told me she felt sorry for me. She said, "Good luck." I felt so dejected, not knowing what to expect, but hoping for so much more. I felt relieved that I was driving home, alone, and her with hired transport. An uglier scene I have not seen. Not looking forward to the appointment with the unknown Psychiatrist on Monday. I feel like crying, but can't. The relief is just not coming. I feel like I'm hemmorraghing inside. How can one be so vindictively evil toward their own child?

I just hope for a professional to listen to our whole lifelong struggle, and offer some type of hope and help. So far, I have only disclosed a portion, but if they only knew...

Sounds as if these people you met with today say through your mom's thin veneer and saw the truth. What you need is someone with answers. Hope the psychiatric visit is the key. Praying for you. Good luck.
Linda

SECRET SIS, what can I SAY, geez nothing but a big friggin SIGH. Oh my gawd...see there is no help out there when it gets to mental issues. That's what I went through the 4 weeks I was off, so many phone calls for assistance and there is none. The Pyschiatrist WILL HELP, it will do the trick, he will prescribe psych meds now, but the trick is WILL SHE TAKE THEM?

My mom isn't fighting the meds but she is not so good at taking them, no matter what system I devised. Today I called over there around 11:00 because the visiting pyschotherapist wanted to visit her. Well the phone was busy, but it stayed that way. He called me when he was at her doorstep at 2:30 and no matter how many times he rang the door bell no answer. So oh Shit, gotta go over there. So I went over there, and the key I had for the front door wouldn't work all of a sudden. I tried to get into the back gate and I guess she heard the commotion and let me in. The phone was off the hook due to the tangled up cord laid over the receiver so it did not hang up properly. I asked her didn't you hear the door bell? She was sleeping in the patio and did not hear it. Oy Vey! I noticed she did not take her dinnertime meds for Monday nor Tuesday...didnt the friggin homecare worker notice that? She notates every thing else so busily on a note pad but always misses that. Guess I have to send another email to her supervisor about that. I guess she only concentrated on the meds for the day she was there. My mom seems to be slowing down a lot, but it may be the meds keeping her that way.

Secret Sis, the trick for you now...who is going to make sure she takes those meds....that was my biggest dilema and still is.

Wow, that post by neonwocky, i think, was an eye opener. i realize that my mom exhibits some of those traits. She was not really physically abusive although she sure liked to give those whippin's, like every Sunday, because my sister and i made her mad in church. We only went to church for a little over a year when i was a kid, but geez, i hated it because i knew what was to follow when we got home.
I started cleaning the house when i was about 11 years old. Because she was to tired.
I learned to live with any choice i made, because she had no sympathy for me. it didn't matter what it was. i can remember sitting at the table in the dark choking down cold lima beans or whatever because "you dished it out now you eat it".
Hearing her bitterly complain about someone and than later watching her smile and laugh with them and act like she just loves them.
Of course there was the hysteric's too if i ever said anything against her. In her world she is perfect.
And controlling with fear. There were things that i never asked for because i just knew better. That was a given, and you know when it dawned on me as an adult, i was amazed, because as a kid i never reasoned it; that was normal, but as an adult, i realized, that isn't normal.
Like i said before, when i moved my mom into my house about two yrs ago, i started to have memories of my childhood that i had strangely forgotten. i realize now that it is a survival mechanism. But i still wonder exactly what she did to me to make me so afraid of making her angry. i still bend over backwards to not make her angry.
My brother, the oldest, is her favorite. My sister and i just "knew" that and never questioned it. That's just how it was.
We learned early not to tattle on him because we got the worst of it. If he broke one of our toys, " well what did you do to him to make him so angry". He is still her golden boy,a disgusting momma's boy, at 60 yrs of age.
Oh my, i had best stop this, i think i could go on for a very long time but to who's benefit. I am so thankful for you wonderful fellow suffer'ers of mama drama trauma. Peace

Thank you, Linda.

I'm hoping too, but not holding my breath. Mom was a raving mental case today. Don't mean to sound disrespectful, but can't find adequate words to describe it. And it puts me into a state of confusion. I'm only just now (6 hours later) feeling the cloud of condemnation lift. Mental illness is very serious, and I've never encountered it like this before. Her's is escalating. The home health lady I contracted to do the transport for mom's appointments told me it will snowball and get worse, reinforcing the prediction I'd already received from the 1st clinic visit.

You know, I don't know this Psychiatrist, and don't know anyone who does. I have encountered so many physicians who didn't help or provide answers or resources, that I'm skeptical. The appointment is Monday. What do I have to lose? Time and $$$$ I will learn whether or not they can "help" or not, but there is no cure, correct?

I think I know why mom is fighting me. I think it's because she's trying to run from the past, and I know it, full of abuse, and she wants me out of the picture thinking no one else will know. Or she thinks I'm trying to have her committed, and am lying to do so. She says she's fine, and doesn't need a Guardian. They say she does, but I've yet to see it in writing by a Physician. That would help if we end up back in court. All I can do is pray that someone PLEASE help me deal with mom. I feel like I was drowning today. I start second guessing myself. I just want someone to put it in writing, so I can see with my eyes that this is real, serious, and where to go from here. I'm tired of people defending her, and not believing me.

And I'm tired of people (including my husband) telling me to "just get another Guardian." He knows how hard I've worked to alert them to her addictions, and finally get her off narcotic pain meds. And she's doing better (meaning no pain). So her addiction was driving the "need" for them. She kept finding doctors to write scripts. That makes me angry. But I'm thankful I found enough to believe me, and discontinue them. And she "couldn't breath" while 200 miles away in her home, wearing herself out trying to maintain it. Since moving her, she's off oxygen, and no more headaches. She's also found a social niche in the apartment building, no longer isolated in a huge subdivision.

It was a harrowing day. I wish they could have done more.

Then the phone rang. It was the nursing home. They found my dad sitting on the floor. No fall, no problems, but he couldn't communicate so they understood him. We drove over. He was fine, but not fine. He's blank. No recognition on the screen. No smile, no talking, and definite decline. Nothing marked, but noticeable. Just what I need; more drama. He was fine, but who likes getting those calls at 10:00 at night?

Some of mom's rantings today concerned him. She bitterly complains that she moved up here to see him, and no one will let her. (She isn't nice, and has been abusive in the past) She's on restriction, and doesn't like that she can "only go with..." me, but that I can go anytime I want.

She doesn't like that I've been doing her meds, won't give her all the $$$ her heart desires, won't run every time she calls, buy off brand food, and that I make the decisions about how her money is spent, etc. She bitterly rants: "So many things have been taken away from me; my car, my driver's license, my dog, my meds," etc. It's true, and it's sad, but it's also necessary. She's incapacitated, due to cognitive decline, but she wants them to see me as having the problem. And it makes her angry that it's her instead of me. I truly believe she would be pleased to see me destroyed mentally. And she's working on it. I thank the Lord for his grace and mercy, and the power of prayer and loving friends. Otherwise, this nightmare would swallow me up. I hate Alzheimer's, and I hate mental illness. Where's the grace and mercy in that???

Yearight, I love that: mama trauma. That lightens things.

I was writing my post while you were posting your's, so am responding after the fact. I am amazed at what you've gone through. (Any of us, really.) How in the world did we survive all that stuff? As you write, my jaw dropped. Just reading about this brings so much emotion. What a sorry mess to deal with, for many here on this thread. Ever wonder how many more out there dealing with it?

Anyone else get told, "Children should be seen and not heard." Or the famous saying: "Dont talk. Don't trust. Don't feel." Those were the rules in my family. As a teen I added, "If it feels good, do it. If it feels bad, grit your teeth." What an awful creed to live by. Wonder where I learned that one? Mommy dearest.

Dear Sis, I thought you were the Guardian of your Mom. I think I have alzheimer's sometimes. You need to be bold and ask the doctor to write you a letter of capacity for your Mom. I had to do the same for Dad. No one will offer, you must demand. Go for it girl!
Wow! You have so much on your plate. I'm not sure who has the better situation here on this site. It's a tie. You get some rest girlfriends. :)

Secretsis, Sounds like you had a horrible day. I was hoping things would be better. I hate to sound like a broken record but I can relate to your mom complaining about you. My mom does that every time I try to get her any psychiatric help. She starts a rant about me.
I did go to see Mom today and she was doing better...still confused, but happy at least. She can be so sweet and loving when she is like that. I don't know if the new meds they have her on are working to improve her mood or this is just the up and down cycles she's been having (that I'm assuming are due to her bipolar). Like I said, she is still confused but I could manage her if she was this way all the time (I think). Of course, she could be putting on act, just to get to come home sooner. She does that sort of thing too. She doesn't yet know she'll be at least temporarily going to an assisted living center and I really dread telling her.

I know that dread lucy I had to do that for my mother in law and I think she was in shock at first than she played it to the hilt hitting people and taking there food just for attention I will soon have to go thru the same with my mother and she will lay a huge guilt trip on me but what can you do. you try to make things as easy as possible for them but I am going to do my brst not to plug into her energy at this point the roles have reversed aND WHEN SHE WAS IN CONTROL i USE THE TERM LOOSLEY SHE DIDN'T BAT AN EYE ABOUT DISAPPOINTING ME SO i WILL TAKE THAT LESSON AND USE IT WHEN THE TIME COMES ALTHOUGH i KNOW ME AN NO AMOUNT OF THERAPY WILL PRVENT ME FROM TEARING MY HEART TO SHREDS. GOOS LUCK i APOLOGIZE FOR MY TYPING STILL HAVE THE SPLINT ON AND WILL FOR ANOTHER 2 WEEKS

secret sister aha are you sure you aren't really my sister? yes yes and yes

yearright oh honey the list goes on and on I thought it was me for so ever long and I too like you realized about 6 this wasn't right I also realized at that age I was ever going to be like her and have made it a concerted effort to be that way. Now it is just indifference. I will take care of my mother I will kill her with kindness but I will not give in to her tantrums and her no it all capacity I'm 60 years old for crying out loud I've been cooking since I was 7 I ought to know something by now so any more when she waaNTS ME TO LISTEN TO HOW i SHOULD COOK SOMETHING i EITHER SAY AHUH AND DO IT MY WAY OR SAY WOULD YOU LIKE TO COOK TONIGHT? THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS NO SHE HAS LIVED WITH ME FOR 1 YEAR AND 4 MONTHS AND i CAN COUNT ON ONE HAND THE MEALS SHE HAS COOKED FOR US ON ONE HAND AND STILL HAVE 2 FINGERS LEFT OVER AND I'M THANKFUL YUCK YUCK YUCK, MY MOTHER IS THE ONLY PERSON I KNEW AS A CHILD WHO COULD MAKE A ROAST BEEF AND IT WOULD LOOK LIKE A GIANT PRUNE. I WAS DEVASTATED WHEN I READ THAT ARTICLE I POSTED AND NOW IT MAKES SWNSE IN A SICK WAY THE SAD PART IS TO KNOW THAT IS MY MOTHER BUT SHE WOULD NEVER ADMIT TO IT BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HER MIND. I SUGGESTED THERAPY TO HER ABOUT 23 YEARS GO AND FOR SOMEONE WITH A BAD BACK I NEVER SEEN ANYONE BLOW OUT OF A DOCTORS OFFICE WITH SO MUCH FORCE, PISSED DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DISCRIBE HER. IT WAS LIKE A HURRICANE AND YOU GUESED IT SHE DIDN'T SEE THAT DOCTOR ANY MORE HE JUST COULD NOT FIND ANYTHING PHYSICALLY WRONG WITH HER AFTER 15 VISITS.

I HAD TO HAVE A HYSTERECTOMY IN 86 I ASKED HER A MONTH IN ADVANCE IF SHE WOULD COME TO HELP ME WITH MY 5 YR OLD HER REPLY "I MIGHT BE SICK" SO THAT WAS THE ONLY TIME I EVER ASKED HER TO DO ANYTHING. THE NIGHT BEFORE MY SURGERY I WAS DOING LAUNDRY LAYING IN GROCERIES, CLEANING I GET A PHONE CALL FROM DAD YOUR MOTHER IS IN ER SHE'S HAD A HEART ATTACK, OH MY FIND A BABY SITTER RUN TO THE HOSPITAL, I WENT BACK TO TALK TO THE ER DOC. HE SAID THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR MOTHER AHA I WILL GET ATTENTION BECAUSE OF MY SURGERY DON'T LET ME OUT OF THE PICTURE, OH HOW I COULD WRITE A BOOK AND I THINK I WILL LIVING WITH A NARCICCISTIC MOTHER A NARCICCISTIC/ALCOHOLIC FATHER THAT SHOULD BE A BEST SELLER CUZ BOY DO I HAVE A MEMORY LOL

YES IF THEY ONLY KNEW WHAT A BATTLE OUR LIVES HAVE BEEN JUST TO STAY SANE

Hello Ladies. We have so much in common. I'm blown out of the water at the audacity these moms are capable of. And how we have been forced to survive. I was thinking Mitzipinki should be on these threads, because if you read some of her posts, her stories rival ours. Amazing stuff, this. I only saw it as "normal" for so many years, and basically kept my distance. But since being asked by dad's bank to step in, I have come to realize the far reaching implications and impact of mom's mental illness, that seems to be growing worse. I used to think, "this is just mom." We kind of shrugged it off. But in her deepening state of anger and symptoms, I cannot overlook the seriousness of it. Don't mean to wish ill on mother dearest, but I'm thankful that others are finally seeing it. That makes me want to uncover ALL the sordid details of the past! Like: finally, someone believes me. I thought I was just "too sensitive, or imagining things." I bargained, thinking, "she's not that bad," or "it's just mom." Never did I realize that it was actual mental illness. I'm still grappling with the text book description. Why did it take me 51 years to find these?

Now we can ignore it no longer. And I am getting the full brunt of her wrath. After establishing a separate life of my own, and discovering distinctly different values, my own separate identity, and developing my strengths, sensitivities, empathy and compassion, I am ready to tackle this last valley with mother. I have no idea what to expect, but it's not looking favorable. Lord, please give me strength to endure and persevere in caring for mom. The only reason I don't walk, is because this is mom. Mean, cantankerous, nasty, cussing, angry, belligerant, vindictive, self serving mommy dearest. And God made me a firstborn. So here I am, till he calls one of us home, or the court relieves me of my duties. What a mess! I'm also praying I stay sane, and mentally intact in the process. Or maybe I'm not...just as mom can't see her illness...hmmmmmmmmmm

Don't you hate that second guessing?

Hope you ladies have peaceful a day. God's mercies are new every morning. Praying your blessings are many. Take care of you, because you are worth it! And thanks for being on these threads, and sharing your hearts deepest desires and saddest emotions. You have been a blessing to me. Thank you.

Secretsister, I am learning to put it Gods hands thats what he tells us to do. I seems to be easier as long as I don't plug into her energy. That is a hard one for me as i am sensitive to and have a tendency to take it personally but it is not personal it is her disease and i have to remind myself that everyday. Like you I used to say well thats mom for ya and it is and its because she has this disease that she has had all her life or at least 60 years that I know of and it feels normal for her. She cannot see the forrest for the trees.

Funny thing is, though. Mom's trees are changing shape. She's thinking things that aren't true, and seeing things that aren't there. It's a fuzzy forest, with dark shadows. Don't go in alone after dark. 'Taint afraid, but don't want to tempt God, either. Stay sane! And pray for those who aren't.

Every journey begins with the first step. Just keep on walking and take comfort in knowing that we are with you in spirit and in the truth.

You Sweet things were up awfully late last night. vent or explode. I am glad some one was up with you.

After my last post I felt so much better. I laid in bed last night thinking how different my entire body felt. I felt strong. I have had health isuses my entire life. Bad enough to seek help, but not bad enough for there to be any help. IBS. migraine, allergies to everything, Fibromyalgia, chronic fatige...I got labels but no help.
I guess I should have gone to a therapist first.

My first thought after reading your posts was OH NO! I am getting better, and they are having awful days. I wish I could drag you with me.
I guess that is why I though about you so much yesterday, sis. epathetic trama waves.
The bright side: NOW others know. and your mom now knows others know.
That will eat on her. Any time either of my parents had to see anyone from a nurologist to a therapist they freaked out. ''It was her! It was HIM! They did it! You don't know how they have made this look!''
You can lead a horse to water, but you can make them listen to the shrink.
Stop spending money on mom and follow Neon's lead. Help yourself before you get really sick. Do it for you and the people you love. It doesn't mean we are crazy, it means we need coping skills, and fast.
As I laid in bed thinking how great it felt to have answers ,and to be starting to understand this, I thought it was like mental chocolate. I want you all to enjoy mental chocolate.

Ezcare, My husband is like you, accept, move on. But I am a scientist. I need answers. I need 'cause and affect.' I managed to survive by making everything a lab report. Everyone copes whatever way they can. I can write 'null hypothesis' under the title "I am to blame" and move on now. My mother likes the quote,"you can not escape your early beginnings." I am now ready to prove that wrong.

Sis, take a long walk quickly. It really will help.

eMpathetic, 'epathetic' sounds like a colon cleaner.

It was supposed to be that you can lead a horse to water, but you can NOT make them listen to the shrink.
Maybe coffee plays too important of a role in my life. Nothing works without it.
Have a better day today ladies and gentleman, I need to nurse this sinus infection. Sleep feels really good lately.

gvergrl, you are a rare treasure. I celebrate your freedom with you! Thank you for the mental chocolate. I am free, as well. Yesterday was close to hell, as every moment seems to be when around Mom lately. It weighs heavily on me, but I have hope.

I talked to the Home Health Agency Director this morning, who reported nothing negative from yesterday's transport encounter. The lady who took her was smiling when they arrived. Mom was not when she saw me sitting at the Specialty Clinic. Oh well. They needed me to be there to see her in action, or so I think. Others are seeing the things I've known all along, and are beginning to get the real picture. The little abused girl in me from long ago is finally feeling vindicated and starting to understand the lies she was told. Others are seeing and hearing the lies, too. I don't buy them anymore, but they still hurt. I'm human, and don't apologize for that. I'm sensitive, which is also my strength. I can root for the underdog, because I know how it feels. That is empowering.

Mom's Heavenly Helper will be taking her to see her husband tomorrow, monitoring and documenting the visit. She will redirect and will direct both mom and dad. This dear brave soul (who's not worried about Mom) will take her to the grocery store as well. Mom's feeling too restricted by my limitations, and I don't want to see her go off the deep end with things, so in my compassion, I'll allow her to exercise that "freedom" against my better judgment. Mom's a covetous hoarder, not understanding limits or restrictions, so I loosen the reigns a bit. How bad can that be? At least a mature, responsible adult will accompany her, and direct her activities, and I don't have to be the heavy.

I can relax with my wonderful nine year old. We're planning a birthday party for my husband. It's Saturday. We all need a break, and I'm praying for some respite, rest and refreshing.

gvergrl, I love to read your posts. You go girl. I think God is smiling on you. I love the mountain top experiences, when all seems well. But we don't get to stay on the mountain. We grow in the valley, as he walks beside us. Enjoy the heights! We rejoice with you. I am so glad your chains fell off. You are free to soar, and mount up as with wings of eagles. Enjoy the ride.

My mom is in that "won't listen to the shrink" category. Thanks for sharing that funny saying. I love it. I love coffee, too. Rest, blessed rest. Here's hoping you get plenty. Hope you're feeling better soon. Take care.

gvrgrl, thanks for the mental chocolate. Feeling better already, as well as understood, loved and appreciated. Thank you. You are a talented writer. Please keep at it! I love your: null hypothesis conclusion. I can't wait to purchase an autographed copy of your book. You have tons to share! Thanks for being a blessing, and for being on these boards.

That goes for the rest of you, too. Each and every poster has so many talents to share. What survivors and encouraging ladies, (and a gentleman) you all are. Thank you.

COFFEE RUNS THRU MY VEINS AS WELL IF THEY TOOK IT OFF THE MARKET i WOULD HAVE TO BUY ALL THEY HAD ON THE SHELF asap lol yOU ARE ALL ENCOURAGING TO ME i HOPE i AM TO YOU SORRY AGAIN ABOUT THIS GOOFY TYPING BUT THE SPLINT IS ALWAYS IN THE WAY AND i'M TOOO TARRED TO RETYPE IT.

Well, this disease affects many families it's almost like a well kept secret. I wish the Nation WOULD KNOW MORE ABOUT IT. I cannot believe the mental and medical profession does not cry to roof tops about this. So much about Cancer and other diseases and nothing about this. Why is that, are we hiding mental illness and yes personalty disorders (SHOULD be lumped in there with mental illness) in the Nation's closet. Yes there is child abuse hotlines and child protective services, but do they think that kids can do anything, see the trick with NPD's is the train you right from the get go to make you afraid, so no one tells anyone. Families make excuses and hide it. Then there are the N's themselves who know how to put out the Nicey-Nicey fake front to everyone, and slap the shit out of you behind closed doors. So yeah there was no help for us during our formative years and the damage that they do goes over into adulthood. Amazing, simply amazing. There are hundreds of posts I have read about what people went through, some of it very horrible when it came to physical or worse sexual abuse. Be thankfull you did not get the sexual abuse. I see those folks in real real bad shape, it's almost scary. I was on for a short time on a Yahoo Group ACON'S - Adult Children of Narcissists, I could not stay very long, those people where really messed up in the head. One person would just type long crazy almost diary type of dialog with some psycho poetic license, really scary and really whack. That person really needed some physicians help, I hope they were getting it on the side. No one responded to those, they were really like if someone from a mental ward was writing it. So if there's one thing, be thankful you did not get a parent who did sexual abuse. One lady in one post wrote that her mom made her at 12 parade around the living room topless in front of her uncle..and mom was making fun of how flat she was.....how whack is that, and how sad (one example).

hI pIRATRESS, HERE I GO AGAIN WITH THIS STINKING HAND AND i'M JUST GOING TO LET IT RIP NO MATTER WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, yES THERE IS SO MUCH MENTAL ILLNESS AND IT IS SO HUSH HUSH. sCIENCE DOESN'T KNOW ALL THEY CLAIM TO KNOW ABOUT OUR BODIES AND MUCH MUCH LESS ABOUT THE HUMAN MIND, PERHPS WE NEED TO GET TOGETHER AND START SOMETHING, ME BEING A TEENAGER OF THE 60'S AND NOT BEING ALLOWED TO PARTICIPATE IN THOSE YEARS I HAVE A LOT OF LETS GET SOMETHING STARTED FOR THE BETTERMENT OF OUR PLANET IN ME lol i AM SO THnkful i wasn't sexually abused I would have killed someone and back in them days they would have never understood the mental anquish a child can suffer, there was a time I almost I say almost hit my father over the head with a cast iron skillet but he saw me coming out of the corner of his eye and grabbed the pan out of my hand he did however stop his meaness. right then and there must have been a kodak moment for him.

WoW...Neon....I am kinda glad he stopped you, that would have been worse if you would have killed him. I hope he did not punish you after that, but I am saying hope...I know how they can be. Yes the 60's they were the good days and the 70's. If we each write to Obama on his website ( I almost feel like sending him the link to countless posts - not just this one for this type of abuse to make him aware of it ) perhaps we can make a difference finally. I wonder if anyone has approached him. Secret Sis did you mention your husband was going to contact a local congressman?

You hit it right, Piratess. We were taught to play along with the false image. Never mind what went on behind the scenes. And woe to the child who blew the whistle, or rocked the family boat, or divulged the secret. There was an elephant in our living room, and I hated it. I was quiet for 28 years, and when I broke away for the cycle of abuse, after a series of abusive boyfriends continued the pattern, I started talking, and no one's been able to shut me up, yet. Mom is trying to shut me down, by telling the authorities I'm lying, but she can't keep up the pretenses she once could. Her professional, enabling circle is narrowing, and they have seen things without me saying a word. She thinks I'm telling doctors she's mental. Nope; they told me. How grateful I am they are seeing what I've been wondering about for years. Of coarse, she tells them it's "all my daughter's fault." Thank God for truth and light. At least I'm free. I doubt my mom will ever be.

But for anyone struggling, there is hope. And this is an incredibly healing place to share our stories, fears, experiences, struggles, and our victories. We don't have to crouch down in fear anymore, silently enduring torture and isolation. For that, I am grateful. Piratess, I know what you mean about the "Adult Children forums." Been there, done that, had to leave. Beyond, there is hope.