How do I care for her and still have an appetite?

candy, one thing you can consider doing is hiring a home care worker to come in to bathe your mother as often as you can afford. Where I live, you can find someone to come in for about $30. These people often work for home care agencies who allow their workers to make a little money on the side. The idea of bathing my parents is distasteful to me, but the smell would even be worse. Having someone else to bathe them is a little present we can give ourselves. My father had someone bathe him twice a week in his last months on earth. It was so nice.

Candy101, I can understand your distress. These factors and many others of caregiving are difficult to tolerate. I don't know how long you have been doing this; for most of us we do somewhat adjust over time.

I suggest a two-part approach to this situation. First, eat your meals alone, in a serene place. Maybe set up a tea table in your bedroom. Use nice dishes and pretty napkins and make meals a little respite for you during the day. You may have to be creative about the timing, but you deserve a calm meal. You may still need to be with Mom when she eats her meals, but you don't have to eat then.

Secondly, to the extent that you can, try to reduce the things that disgust you. You may not be able to get her to hold her head up, but perhaps you can reduce the odors by keeping her scrupulously clean throughout the day. Yes, that will be more work for you, and you will still be exposed to the odors while you are cleaning her, but confining it to specific times may be better than having it pervasive throughout the day.

Don't be hard on yourself that you find these details unpleasant. Don't let anyone shame you about it. Your reaction is quite normal. The fact that you are continuing to care for Mom in spite of your distaste shows you are a loving person.

Best wishes to you.

Well yes . She is depressing to look at as with me she sits with her head down and doesn't respond to my questions. Also the odors from her body are making me sick as they just stay with me all day

What aspects of care take away your appetite? Does she live with you? Do you eat meals with her? A little more information, please.