If my mother moved in and is helping me out by paying some bills should I draw this up in a contract to protect both of us?

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Isn't it awful? That's when the tears really start and it's why I sometimes make light of things that are REALLY upsetting me. Someone is being nice, and we start crying on them - literally sometimes. I think sometimes they avoid me and I don't blame them. Church is where I really loose it sometimes.

At least here, most of us have some similar situations so in addition to sympathy we can get/give advice. Makes you feel a little better to help others.
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I can usually handle anything until people are nice to me. Then I fall apart. It is like they give me permission to just let go. I guess this group does that for me. It is a good place to get and give help, sympathy anger and understanding.
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Sounds good to me. Just take it one step at a time.
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Thanks. I have bad days and worse days but I am used to it. Even my divorce lawyer's secretary told me "Things have to get better for you soon, you've been through so much." But, then something else blind sides me. But, I do appreciate the sympathy.
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I am so sorry for what you are going through and wish I could do something to ease your burdens,
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Thank you for sharing your experience. That must have been such a stressful time for you. Paperwork is overwhelming - I can attest to that. And to think I used to like paperwork. ;-)

I cry everywhere, so crying at the lawyer's or social worker's would just be par for the course for me. It's been a horrible 5 years in my life.
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Really tired -I do not think you have to worry about the money you used after you took her in they are really making sure that the people who have a lot of money do not hide it so they qualify for medicaide and my husband was going to be on what the social worker called medicaide pending while the paperwork was done but an elder lawyer in your area would be able to advise you and the social workers at the nursing home would be able to assist you with the work also if she was on medicaide she would be able to get care in your home depending how the home care is staffed where I live there are no buses so the aides have to be able to drive but there are agencies that will provide transportation for them. Do not worry that is why I suggested an elder lawyer so you have someone on your side and as far as the paperwork they will know how to obtain what is needed. I almost cried in the lawyers office and did break down in the social workers office when she started on all that I had to do-he was in rehad yet again when I knew for my own health I could not take him home again-he made everything much harder for me then needed to be and was not at all nice to me. I did not have 3 years of bank statements on hand but my bank was glad to get them for me -it took about a week for them to get them lawyers and social workers know how to do this that is their job so try not to worry and to answer your question is it better not to plan ahead honestly it may be my mother in law go on medicaide so easily after a few months of self pay and my husband did not have to do any paperwork the nursing home did it all because they want to be paid-my lawyer had me pay him for 5 hrs. retainer so he could have done it all in probably half that time and I struggled for weeks doing what I could by myself why I do not know now and of course the husband just sat back and did nothing to help me-he went into the hospital the last day of insurance and died a little over three days later so I did not need medicaide at all but social service wanted me to do it anyway -they told me a tale that was not believable so I called my daughter who worked in social service in another county and she told me not to so I called them back and cancelled the appointment-and also you are not responsible for your parents expenses if is different for a spouse. I hope I have made things easier for you which is what I want to do.
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I agree with yoiu about logic not having much place in this world any more. Very confusing for me. I think I have a bit of "Mr. Spock" in me.

You are verbalizing just what my train of thought has been, so just maybe someone else can see it that way instead of telling me all about protecting myself and getting contracts and such for doing what families SHOULD be doing.

Thank you for confirming that I am not totally off the wall for handling things this way. I will get to that attorney though as soon as we get settled into a "school year" routine and I can think again.
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I am just trying to follow what I think your question is. I might be all wrong but here goes. If I understand you right you initially thought you might need a contract because she was giving you money. But she would have had to pay that money anyway to live so I dont think that would make a difference with medicaid if she has to go to a nursing home. They do look at large gifts I think. For example if she gave you money to build a swimming pool on your property and she never swims I think they might delay her medicaid by that amount. If she gave you money to add a room on your house for her then they might think that that is ok and not delay anything. I dont think that if you both owned a home that they would take the home away from you. I dont know if the joint ownership rule applies to husbands and wifes only but as far as I know if you both own it then you both own it equally. It is not 1/2 your or 1/2 hers it is 100% both of yours. As far as the mortgage is concerned I think that that situation is a win win for the bank. If she dies and you cannot pay off the mortgage then they get the house and they will already have gotten whatever you paid into it. I dont know if they would be able to easily sell the property in this market but their loss would be less because of the money that you put in so they could afford to sell the house for less. I would think that as far as the school goes that medicaid would not consider that a device to spend down her income since she has been doing it over 5 years. This is just my logical look at things and as we all know ---- logic does not count for much these days. Who knows what would happen. I am working with a elderlawyer for my mom's guadianship and she says that it depends on the judge or the person handling the medicaid or the climate at the time. Of course she is a lawyer and nothing is really hard and fast for them as far as I know.
I have a feeling the whole world is shades of gray.
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I am hoping they will consider her income and assets because my credit is bad because of the way the ex handled the divorce and filed bankruptcy including joint accounts I was negotiating to pay off. Long, nasty story. I am not very hopeful but pray someone will see the common sense of letting me keep paying a loan I HAVE been paying for over two years since the divorce and just put it in my name!

I am her only heir and she does have a will (albeit from the state where she used to livr) and it does name me as beneficiary. Not that she has all that much, but she gets really upset when she thinks about how they could force her to use everything and not be able to help my sons and I at all. We are a family, I just don't get it.

I guess a main concern (if the assumption of the mortgage goes through with her as a co-borrower) would be if they would make us sell the house to use any profit even though my sons and I live in it and I would be an owner too. So far she is in great health so who knows how long a window we are looking at. Also, she has been paying their parochial school tuition as a gift to them since they were in preschool and they are now in high school. How would that be looked at?

Thanks for any advice. I will get to an attorney but, as I said, time is at a premium and we are in survival mode here.
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