The responsibility of my mom's care is taking over my life.
A few hours away, she is 76 and has dementia. Cannot remember anything from a few minutes ago. Not bathing regularly, not driving, not taking memory meds as directed, etc. Difficult, personality on a good day, very defiant, trying to maintain her independence, and unaware of her memory loss and confusion.
For the past couple of years mom has gotten by in her own home with assistance through an agency, which is extremely expensive, and not great...basically baby sitters. Mom ends up with UTI infection needs to go to ER, or they quit when mom needs more care. Mom is in between stages right now, and it is killing me. I don't know if it's time to place mom in memory care facility now, near me and just let her hate me, and visit once she settles in. She will not be a good resident. Will not go willingly. Or do I move her into a private home nearby and manage with a new agency, the high cost would probably be about the same. Either way mom's quality of life is awful and she is miserable 100% of the time, thinking that no one calls, no one visits, nothing happened that day, because she can't remember...Mom knows who I am, I think, but I'm sure soon she will not very soon. Do I wait? Do it now?
Help please...The guilt and drives to visit mom and deal with her care are draining me, as this has been going on for a couple of years....My family is at the end of their rope with me too, as I struggle with these difficult decisions. All legal matters of DPOA and health care directive are in place, so not looking for legal advice.