How do begin to care about things again?

This was asked a few weeks ago, but I'm compelled to jump in. I've been taking care of my dad for four years in my home. I too was really picky about how my house looked, and I still am, I do still care, but I could run myself into the ground trying to keep everything nice like I use to and really right now that stuff just isn't as important, I keep telling myself I'll have time for it again some day. I just don't have time, time is my problem, I do the best I can to keep the house repaired, have to do that, but vacuuming, dusting, stuff like that is just not a priority right now, and I think it's pretty common for caregivers, housework always ends up at the bottom of the list day after day. Now I try to pick up as I rotate through the house room to room, do that real quick.

You need to see a doctor, I have been in therapy from caring for the lady I took in . And my house is not as clean as it used to be, I lay on couch alot , but therapy and antidepressants are helping, then u half to make yourself get in shower and go to appts. I don't want to get ready or anything, I'm really sorry you feel this way, but honestly you probly worry more about the house than anyone who comes to see you.

This is my first post here. I'm someone who struggled with depression, bulimia, hoarding most of my life, and now finally having it under control. Because of meds. The exactly right dose of meds; my requirements changed as I aged. My comment to you is that it might have been imprudent to go off meds entirely. Get yourself back to the Dr and explain what's going on. It's all biochemical. It's not your fault. But you might feel markedly different after about 6 weeks on meds. Keep us posted.

I'm someone who struggled with depression, bulimia, hoarding most of my life, and now finally having it under control. Because of meds. The exactly right dose of meds; my requirements changed as I aged. My comment to you is that it might have been a very bad idea to go off meds entirely. Get yourself back to the Dr and explain what's going on. It's all biochemical. It's not your fault. But you might feel markedly different after about 6 weeks on meds.

So far I don't think anyone has mentioned you might benefit from a complete physical. I was low in B-12 and after getting that back up I feel much better and have more of an interest in life. That said, I don't care about the house etc. as much as I did years ago. It just isn't important to me anymore. I have been cleaning house for almost 75 years and I am tired of doing it.

The fact that you are even asking this question tells me that you do still care. You are recognizing that there is a change in you and trying to find a way to figure it out.

As far as the mess, it just shows that you have something going on in your life that is taking up too much of your mental and emotional energy and so you no longer have the energy to be as concerned about things that are not immediately necessary. Once the situation that is taking your energy is over, you will be able to get back to what you want to be again. In the meantime, you might try lining your walls with tables and chairs. Give yourself flat surfaces to leave things on for the time being. Then you won't be tripping over stuff. Also, when you go from one room to another you could look for something that should be in the other room and take it with you. Then it doesn't take as much energy like if you did it all at once. You would be surprised how that can help keep clutter to a minimum. And that will take much less mental or emotional energy.

Hi Anonymous531220,
I wish I had some really good advice for you. I think that I understand how YOU feel because I know how I feel and I know that I am struggling to get the most simple things done. Understand that "the mess" in how house is finite. Try to put one thing away today....just one thing. Tomorrow try to deal with two things....and the next day three things......My mother passed away about 3 weeks ago after a long illness and residency in a nursing home. I am not feeling lost but I know that there are a lot of things that I just don't care about right now. So, I am trying to force myself to get something/anything done every day. I have a happy little dog who I have to walk about 4 times a day. It's good for him and for me. Every day I try to accomplish one task. Yesterday it was organizing a huge pile of papers/mail/documents....I am continuing with that today. I don't want to hire anyone to help me because I would be embarassed for ANYONE to see my messy house. My motivation at the moment is to clear the clutter so that I can hire someone to come in and "remodel or redecorate" by second bedroom which will serve as my study/TV room/guestroom". So, I do have a longer term goal in mind. My days as a caregiver are over now. My parents are both resting in peace and I feel that they will be in greater peace when they see me beginning to live my life again. So, that is my plan. I need to bring peace and comfort back into my home. I need to look after myself as well as I looked after them. And I feel that I need to decide to be happy again. As a good friend told me a few days ago, my parents are in God's care now......There's nothing more that I can do for them except to take good care of myself and my happy little dog. I hope my words have helped you in some way. Now I'm going to go get busy doing the things I desperately need to do.

So you are not on and have not been on Paxil or Paroxetine? This is a side effect. I am battling this same issue. Hoping getting off paroxetine will help. I am not depressed either. My dr gave it to me for panic attacks.

Gershun, I'm sending you a hug.

Maybe just a question of priorities at this point. I don't think you mentioned your age, but my 91 year old father doesn't care if he shaves or not until it starts to itch. I care because he looks like a homeless man, but I sure can't call the kettle black because I don't put much effort into my appearance (routinely) or cleaning the house. Would those things be what I wished to be remembered for? I ask myself what I would like to have written in my obit or on a tombstone if they still allowed it? And that is how I prioritize. If you are happy and you feel your house needs to be clean but you can't energize to it, hire someone. If you feel you are in a rut, do one small thing you have been putting off. Success if a motivator. If you are solar powered like me, here comes spring! I agree with the fellow that said his yard looks good but the house is a mess. Dog doesn't care, which makes them the perfect companion.

I feel the same way. I have a problem with depression and take medication for it. I feel that my depression is under control because I can still feel happy and laugh, however, my father passed away a few months ago, I'm sad, I thought just very sad, not depressed. But I still don't really care how I look right now, don't feel like going shopping, doing much. I know I'm grieving but also I know enough about depression that I know that that I'm suffering depression right now. Not as bad as in the past, but a normal feeling is wanting to do things, caring about things. Sadness and depression are two different things but the two can interlap. I upped my dose of antidepressants and it helped. I'm not completely Not depressed buy I'm better. I recognize depression in your question. I'm sorry you feel like this. I hope you find a way to feel like caring again, there's no easy answer, it's hard.

Your question is quite intriguing as I'm in the same boat. I have been my Mother's caregiver for 7 years and have managed to keep her home/surroundings in order but when I get to my own room, I just don't have any 'give-a-care' left in me to tidy up. I keep Mom on a regular schedule with meals, in-home activities, t.v. programs and our conversations are generally 'regular' and the don't vary much. As much as I sometimes desire my own guest, I'm embarrassed to invite anyone into my 'room' so my outside interactions have suffered.
Reading your question and the responses to it, I think we both need a little 'Spring Fever' adventure. Give ourselves permission to go visit a beautiful public space on the next sunny day and drink in what it feels like to be surrounded by tidiness and order then come home and make a little difference in our own environment.
An interesting thing occurs to me in reading your question (as I filter it through my own experience) and taking in the responses is that I suspect I'm in that weird emotional place of taking care of another person for a while that I value them above myself and it is being reflected in the environment I allow myself to live in. Does that resonate with you? Well, the responses from this community are a clear indicator that we certainly deserve better than what we are giving ourselves.
Heck, I'm motivated enough now that I may not wait 'til Spring sunshine ;)

Losing someone you love is like losing a piece of yourself, It drains your energy and makes you not care. And even you mind is slow. But I think we come around eventually. One day the sun will shine a little brighter and our energy will return. Hang in there, things will get better.

Call in a cleaning service and get your home in order. If you cannot afford to hire someone ask friends and or relatives to help assist you. Hoarding is a disease as well. Has a doctor confirmed you as "All better"? does not sound as if you are. Clean you home and make a list and keep things in order. Waking up to a home that is clean and organized helps with a sense of purpose and pride.

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling the way your are. You do not mention whether your were a caregiver or not. Do you know when you started feeling this way and what was happening at the time it started?
A lot of great advice above.
It's hard to offer words of advice without any background story. With that said, I have recently started studying the brain, neuroscience, and it's fascinating. What I have realized is we all have the ability to rewire our brains. If you don't like certain things about yourself or you don't like how you are feeling on a daily basis, you have the power to make the necessary changes. One of my favorite books is Change Your Brain, Change Your Life by Daniel G Amen. The power of daily intention and daily gratitude. Just those two things are so very powerful when done daily. It can be that easy, but it's not easy. You need to understand what triggered your current state of mind, decide where you want to your life to go, and then set your intentions to get there. It has taken quite a few months for me to make changes, but the changes have been powerful.
I often wonder how life will be after my mom passes. Then I decided to be the best me I can be now. I live in the moment. Perhaps dementia/ALZ has taught me that. It's a great way to live. Experience each and every moment of each and every day.
I heard a great quote the other day by Kay Lyons: "Yesterday is a cancelled check; tomorrow is a promissory note; today is the only cash you have - so spend it wisely."
Good luck, Take care of yourself.

I feel very similar to what you described. I am being treated for depression, and I recognize its role in how I feel. Grief from 3 deaths in my family is definitely a big factor. However, I'm also hypothyroid, and I believe I need a medication change. A recent blood test showed that I'm anemic. Odd at this age I thought. In researching the problem I discovered that anemia not only causes fatigue and fuzzy thinking, but it also causes APATHY. I'm taking a supplement and paying more attention to iron content in what I eat. I'm beginning to feel a bit more normal. Get a blood test to identify any underlying problems that are complicating your situation. Low-grade infections can sap your interest in your surroundings too. Good luck!

I admit I struggle with sadness. When my brother died in 2003 I had this feeling of familiarity, could not place where it was coming from, then suddenly realized "oh right, this is why I've been this way all my life" You see, my Dad died when I was four. I was as close to him as a four -year- old can be. So when my brother died, everything started to make sense. I finally understood the reason why I was always so sad for as long as I could remember. I guess my four- year- old mind couldn't have processed this. So, now fast forward to today. My Mom died almost two years ago and the dark cloud is still there to this day. It just keeps getting darker and darker with every one I lose. I wouldn't call it depression per se. Just a bleak feeling that nothing really is that important.

I used to wake up with a start after having a dream that my mom had died. Then that massive relief when I knew it was just a dream. Now I still have that dream. I just don't get to experience that relief anymore.

Actually, depression does not always mean that you feel sad, although that is a common misconception among people who are not therapists and the like. One common version of depression, which I struggle with from time to time, is when everything or at least some essential parts of life seem like too much trouble. The things that seem like too much trouble often vary from person to person or even in the same person from year to year. Some years eating has been among the things that seemed like too much trouble to me most days, and I had to work hard to find food that was easy enough, tasty enough, and varied enough to get me to eat and stay healthy. I was several pounds overweight, so at first I thought this was a great way to diet and loose weight. But as this feeling went on, I realized that I needed to recover some interest in food or it was going to start damaging my health. I had seen a therapist before that had been helpful in overcoming a previous bout of major depression, so I went to see her again to find out what was going on. Like you, I did not feel sad. When I had been depressed previously, I had felt very sad, and I thought all depression involved being sad. It turns out that I was depressed again, but with different symptoms, Just like there are different strains of the flu. My therapist helped me deal with my depression again, and after a while I regained my interest in eating an appropriate amount of food. I did loose some weight this way, but it is a very risky way to loose weight and I do not recommend it. Sometimes insomnia is primarily a result of depression, or loosing interest in friends, family, work, school, housework, not caring about how you dress, any sort of not caring is potentially a sign of depression. And any form of depression that is not successfully treated can become fatal, not just through the obvious mechanism of suicide, but also through neglecting to take good enough care about health or safety. Try hard to find a therapist who can help you or if you do not want to see a therapist talk to your primary care doctor about short term taking anti-depression medicine to see if you are able to start taking good enough care of your house that firefighters could get from room to room in your house if a mouse chewed on an electrical cord and started a fire. Neither you nor area police and fire people need to be put at risk by clutter in your house. And if it is physically too demanding, find out if there are people who can and will help you. Good luck. I am glad you are not also burdened by feeling sad. Now lets figure out how you can work it out so that you live in a safe comfortable home.

I have been a caregiver since 2005 when my wife had a massive stroke. She is now in the rest home, paralyzed and can't speak...I visit more than once a day. I live with a young female (Elsie the dog) who neither cooks nor cleans house....

Recently our grown daughter came and asked, "Was anybody hurt in the explosion?" referring to the disarray of the house...Like you, I don't care.
I am very cheerful but just don't care. (I do keep a nice yard.)

My goal is to outlive my spouse so she does not get lonely.

I tend to give myself a wake up call now when the clutter gets bad enough and tackle a room a day for a few days and make it somewhat presentable at twilight if the lights are off and I squint.

At 80, I know I am on the last lap of the run of life...It is no longer a race.

By the time the trumpet of doom blares on Judgment day, I'll be close to deaf and complain that the Boy Scouts are practicing again, rather than realize is the Angel of Doom.

Conceivably I'll look into n Clutterers Anonymous (an actual 12 step program.)

Grace + Peace,
Bob

I agree that it is very difficult to remember why the things that used to seem important - high heels, laying the table properly, shiny bath taps, the democratic deficit - ever were important. And I agree that this makes it extremely difficult to find a fulfilling new purpose in life: so much of the workplace seems to be dedicated to trivial, time-wasting nonsense.

But I'm a little puzzled by the apparent contradiction that you say you're happy and content, but you also say you need to care that walking through the house is becoming an obstacle course. Well, when it comes to cosmetic issues I'm with Quentin Crisp - "after three years the dust doesn't get any worse" - but the point at which your environment is impacting on your actual ability to function is the time to get help.

You know depression. Do you know about sublimation, displacement and denial? Are you sure you're not barricading yourself against a return of the OCD? If your earlier success was supported by a therapist you liked, I should look that person up and pop in for a review.

I know we all have moments when we find life overwhelming. And we stop caring. Its hard to find the joy again. Try to take it day by day. Moment by moment if you have to. And if you feel like it consider seeing a therapist or counselor or additional help.

It sounds like you are just exhausted and maybe the things that need to be done are so overwhelming you don't know where to start. Maybe start by picking one room and picking one simple thing and just make your self do it. This has helped me in the past - I hope you can recover your energy! Take care

Sounds familiar. Were you a caregiver? Is this not caring something that started as a result of caregiving? What exactly are you asking?