I put him in day care for the first time today and I was miserable all day. I picked him up early. I feel like I am abandoning him. Like I am betraying his trust in me. Or betraying our marital vows of for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. I am scolding myself for not being strong enough to continue caring for him at home. But I also feel like I am at the very end of my endurance and I am terrified that I might go before he does. So I need to make sure he is well taken care of in that event.
Logically, I know that he needs more care than I can give. I am trying to think logically and factually and put him where he can be cared for well for the rest of his life.
So why do I feel so horrible? Why do I feel like I am being weak and not meeting with my responsibilities? I am I so guilt-ridden? I cannot accept that my life as I knew it is gone and that he is gone. How do others do it?