This forum has been both comforting (that I am not the only one dealing with a difficult mother) and scary (that one day all your stories could be mine!)
My mother spent her entire adult life married to my deadbeat father who dwindled any money we had on drugs and alcohol. My mother began to suffer from depression and secluded herself to playing on the computer and drinking her sorrows away. Eventually they got divorced, my father has since remarried and ended his addiction with drugs and alcohol. My mother...has not. She is a recluse, a chain smoker, and drinks quite heavily every night. I love my mother when she is sober. She is the most amazing person to me, but as soon as she starts drinking, she turns into a different person. Spacey, emotional, and really annoying. She relies on her children for everything, from constant companionship, to cooking for her, and general help with everything.
A few years ago I moved out of my home state to "start a new life." (I am only in my twenties) I suffered quite a childhood and instead of letting it consume me, I have vowed to never let my life (or my future children's lives) be affected by drugs, alcohol, or fear. I left my whole family behind to start fresh. It was quite an exciting yet painful journey, but has been worth every experience. My mother and I have always been really close and one night when she was intoxicated, I had a long talk with her about my concerns for her future because of her excessive drinking. This started a rollercoaster of emotions as she began to tell me how depressed she was and how for a while she even thought "what is the point of being alive anymore." This is such a scary thing to hear your mother say! So I convinced her that she needs to get out of her rut and her decision was to move down to my new state to be closer to me. I told her that she could live with my boyfriend and I for a couple of months until she got up on her feet, got a job, and a new house. My boyfriend (whose house it is) said it was fine if it was just for a couple of months but he didnt want her here with us for 5 or 6 months.....We are now in our 4th month and there is no hope that she will find a job-let alone a house- anytime soon. She has tried finding jobs, albeit not the most proactive job seeker in the world, but she is becoming very discouraged as no one is replying to her applications. She doesnt follow up with any of her inquiries to recruitment specialists and as much as I try to give her advice to do so, she gets defensive and doesnt want to talk about it. Well now my boyfriend doesnt want her here anymore. She barely helps cook dinner during the week despite the fact that we both work and she sits home all day, and I have to ask her to help with most chores. She doesnt take the incentive to do anything. I cant hate my boyfriend for not wanting her here, but I also can't kick my mother out! She has been there for me my entire life, and has helped me financially so many times! But we also cant help feeling like we are being taken advantage of with her lack of proactiveness with job hunting. she gets discouraged easily and when I try to give her advice or encourage her, she flips out on me. What do I do?! Talking doesnt help, finding potential jobs for her doesnt help, ignoring it doesnt help, I am at my wits end. I really feel like I am the most horrible person in the world even just writing about her like this, I know that if she found it, she would be crushed, but I can't keep feeling like this and letting it bottle up inside of me. I would feel like the world's worst daughter if we kicked her out without a job, or on her own accord. I feel so hopeless and alone in this, but I also can't help but feel so bad for my mother. I know she doesnt want to be a burden on us, and she has had a tough past few years after her mother passed away. She suffers from depression and alcoholism, and all I want to do is help her, and make her life perfect. She is lonely, and scared, and regretting her move. I just want her to be happy, but I cant change her to make herself happy.