Follow
Share

I live in CA/San Fran Bay Area & after visiting/contacting 13 SNFs, none had open beds or even a waitlist. They just said to keep checking back. Not very encouraging. I’ve cared for frail 91 yo mom w/dementia & fall risk in my home over 20 yrs, w/last 2 yrs requiring 24/7 attention. I’ve had to hire help some nites just to get sleep. Also have husband & 14 yo daughter to care for. I’m nearing the end of my reserves of compassion & caregiving ability. I’ve spoken to various social workers, local area agency on aging, the CA waiver program and several geriatric care managers. The only “helpful” suggestions I rcvd was “pay $10k for 1st mo upfront” or “hope she goes to hospital & then refuse to take her home”. Apparently it’s all about profit & Medicaid simply doesn’t pay enough. Really?? Is this the best we can do for decent people at the end of their life and for their families who have cared for them as long as humanly possible? My parents never thought they’d live long enough to need care, so even though they worked hard & comfortably, they had no savings/investments for the future. Mom only receives monthly SS pymt. Husband & I have resources & have already paid to help w/mom’s care, but we can't deplete our resources to care for her & simply pass the same problem on to our kids to care for us if/when the time comes. So, does anyone have other suggestions ... or maybe even simple validation that I’ve done what I can & this sucks?? Have been reading other posts here for a year now. Info has been a lifesaver!! Thank you all!!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Thank you all for the confirmation. At least I know I’m not missing anything and truly understand what we’re facing.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

yes, I've been there and there is something not quite right with our system that some of us happen to fall into. Please follow AlvaDeer's advice, and you'd be amazed how quickly they will find a bed for Mom where you couldn't.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I am so sorry. You may be down to the "ER dump" as it is called. There is, tragically, no other way to get placement on a senior in these circumstances. The Social Worker must be told on day one that you cannot receive your elder back into your home, that you cannot either physically or emotionally handle the care. They will be desperate to convince you that "We can help" and "We will work together to make this work". Do not argue. Simply say over and over again "Mother cannot return to our home; you will have to seek placement for her. You will have to trump up some reason to bring her to hospital. Once there you make it clear immediately that you cannot take her back home. I am so sorry. This all seems so dishonest, but Social Workers can get the placement. Will it be close to you or a facility you like? No, likely not. But it will give you time then to continue to explore placement on your own while Mom is cared for, something almost impossible to do now.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Unfortunately the social worker, area on aging and everyone else have told you all you can do. This is why it is so important for us to try to plan for our futures. The government as far as I know, has never said they will assume financial responsibility for our elders. We have to do everything possible so that we don’t “retire” with just a small social security check.

I’m not too far from the Bay Area and what are you experiencing is normal. Even if your mom is hospitalized, there will be a wait for a medi-cal bed. It took 3-4 weeks for the hospital to find my FIL a medi-cal bed when he went to rehab in a skilled nursing facility after a hospital stay. When he didn’t progress and we wouldn’t take him home, rehab got rid of him by sending him to the ER with “pneumonia”. He spent another month in the hospital while they tried to find a skilled nursing facility with an open medi-cal bed for long term care. A hospital stay is going to be the quickest way to get her placed, just don’t expect it to be overnight and they will also choose the facility, once they find her a bed, she’ll have to go. Even if you don’t like the facility. Just so you are aware. My BIL and SIL chose not to look for facilties and let the hospital deal with it, which isn’t wrong of them but when the hospital called and said they found him a bed, my SIL wanted to delay moving him until after we’d all looked at the facility and a few others to make sure it was the best one. The hospital said FIL had no choice but to be moved to the facility they found for him.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Isthisrealyreal Oct 16, 2019
Who ever coined the term "Beggars can't be choosers " hasn't met the families on Aging Care.

I smh everytime I read that story.
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter