Follow
Share

Even though it’s pretty much time for mom to go live in a group home, I just cannot even begin to think HOW this is really done. The thought hurts my heart and is on my mind everyday.... I just don’t know the steps to even begin. She will not want to leave her home and dog! They are super close.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Try to arrange for her to keep her dog. Does she currently get assistance at home? If not, maybe that’s a place to start. Pets are so good for the elderly!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

It really depends on how mentally aware your loved one is. Those who just have physical disabilities will have a much more difficult time than those with dementia especially if you do what one poster suggested, have Mom admitted then transferred.
Those still of sound mind will have to come to the decision in their own time and unfortunately it often involves a crisis before the decision can be made.
Setting up the new accommodation as close to the loved ones previous home is an excellent step. Unfortunately if you are relying on Medicaid the quality and size of accommodation will not be conducive to bringing personal furniture. The three NHs I have recently seen were all small double rooms with a small closet and a couple of drawers. Not very homely at all but there were common rooms and activities. Usually a small half bath shared with the adjoining room. All three places did have resident pets but on the whole very depressing.
Also did not see any other residents who I would find stimulating company. Most were parked in various areas asleep in their chairs or wheelchairs.
If you have the money and can find somewhere pleasant that will be a better option.
We have some friends who moved into independant living soon after retirement and have the ability to progress to more care as needed. They do have a good social life in their community because the other residents are younger and still very independent. But the cost of getting into such a community ran into several hundred thousands of $s plus a healthy monthly rent but their residence is guaranteed for the rest of their lives.
Whichever way you look at it is a very difficult decision.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

When it was time for my dad to move, my sister and I visited 3 decent places and got the scoop, ate lunch there and talked to the people who rent the apartments. Then we took dad to see available places. We let him select the one he liked with gentle steering. However this was IL not AL. once he went to AL we stayed in the same center and he chose his room. We selected a moving company that specializes in the downsizing of this type. They help select what will fit, and also make the new place resemble the former home. They packed and unpacked all in one day and he moved in that afternoon. The same company gave us names of realtors and estate sale people they had good results with. We had the estate sale, got the house professionally cleaned, placed on the market and sold it. Mind you none of us girls lived in dad's state. When he moved into AL, we used the same company to move his things and put a lot in storage until we were certain he could do without them. Then I called Salvation Army who met me at the storage unit and they hauled it all off. Baby steps and a plan. But a senior moving company was a huge help.
You are doing what is best for her. Try to get excited that she will have social activities and be safe. It’s a job, but doable with a plan.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You've already rec'd some good answers here. I needed to break it down step by step to not be overwhelmed. My mom's AL community does allow a pet. I visited dozens of places and took her to the ones I liked best. I did have to have FOUR doctors whom she respects tell her that she could not live alone anymore. She still remembers that.

A very interesting issue, I think -- I've had to move her from her own home to IL and now to AL. In each case I had to fight for months to get her to move, do all the work myself, and put up with her complaining. Then she never wanted to leave the new place! I'm going to retire early and move across four states to have her live with me, and now she's bemoaning leaving her cute AL apartment!

so, one step at a time.... Start by looking at communities. The area counsel on aging will be helpful, as noted above. It will all work out.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

When it became past time to move my two friends into a memory care apartment, I found one that had a one bedroom apartment available. The day of the move, another friend took them out to breakfast and then to have their nails done. While they were gone, we moved their bedroom, kitchen and den furniture to their new place and arranged things like they had in their townhouse. Same pictures on the walls, furniture arranged the same way. When they came to their new apartment, the husband, who had been adamant about not needing to move, saw his favorite recliner and sat down with a sigh of relief and has been happy there ever since. Finding a place that had the right sized apartment was key. On top of this, the care they provided and the advice for me has been top rate and most appreciated since I had not done this type of thing before. When they made me their power of attorney, the authority was complete from that point on, even if they did not agree with my decisions. Fortunately, I was able to convince them about the move without imposing my authority. They were no longer alone and were making new friends, eating together in company, enjoying some of the group activities. They were happier and less stressed. Nothing could stop the wife's decline with her frontal temporal dementia, but she was in the best place to live out her last days.  I could not have asked for more.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

As the previous poster said, when it's obvious that the person can no longer stay in their own home - it is usually well past time. Your mother's quality of life will surely improve immensely if she is in a place where she has supervision and other people around.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

When it’s obvious that it’s time for assisted living, it’s usually past time. So, try not to drag out the process. First, go on your own to find a good community. Many will accept a pet if the resident can either care for it properly themselves or arrange for its care. What your mom is leaving behind is a life of loneliness and isolation in a house that restricts or even lessens her quality of life. What she will be moving to is social engagement, an accessible environment, better nutrition and health monitoring, and greater purpose. With that in mind, this is a rescue - a positive, not a negative. The process is emotional and can have some roadblocks, but the goal is a better quality of life.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

She may adjust better if she can keep her dog - look for a place that allows that - you may have to pay for someone to walk the dog - I once saw a woman who kept a cat & they paid a lady to come & clean the litter 2 x a week which was in the bathroom

Remember you never get a 'yes' to a question that is not asked - ask around - there may be students who could do this for you

Just evaluation the dog before - so will she be good with others fussing over the dog & is the dog's temperment such that it will adjust to living with so many people
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

I’ve just had the same dilemma. Geriatric psychiatrist had agreed to assess her at hospital first, so I told Mum she had an appointment with the doctor, took her along and once there, explained that he wanted her to stay in for a while. After the assessment, which took about 4 weeks, and after which the doctor said she shouldn’t return home, I told her the doctor wanted her to move to a different building, which was more suitable for her. The hospital then transported her to the care home.
I decided, because of her dementia and the fact she is fairly compliant when it comes to doctors, that this was the easiest way to do it.
She does keep saying that she can’t stay where she is (I’m not 100% sure where she does think she is though) forever but I just reply that the doctor says she needs to stay there for now, which she then accepts.
I now have the dilemma about what to do about her home. I don’t need to sell it to cover care home fees, however, there is no point in it sitting empty and it needs too much in the way of modernisation to be able to rent it out as it is. I know the best plan is really to sell it but I feel guilty about it. I also keep thinking, what if she gets better and can go back home, even though I know realistically at 93, that is not going to happen. I am considering selling it and not telling her, then just saying everything is fine if she asks about it.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

Call your local Counsel on Ageing. They can be a huge help walking you through what you need to do.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

What level of care does Mom need? How is she getting that now?

Some assisted living facilities and group homes accept one pet. Start by calling the Area Agency on Aging and explain what you are looking for. They have all kinds of lists of resources.

Seeing our parents need more help than we can give them is indeed heartbreaking. Hugs.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

I just did that. Now, going to funeral tomorrow. What is your real situation? Money, location, additional help. Let’s us know, maybe we can offer different ways to do things.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I am sorry Sky for the situation you are in. Is there potential for in home care? What is your Moms illness or difficulties. Does she have to go to a home? Or are there other options?
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter