What do you do when you cannot get a late-stage dementia patient to move?

Thanks captain for the laugh. Too late 195 Austin. Already caregiver. He is not eligible for medicaid anyway. Private pay is only option for facility. Sought big, burly live-in, but didn't work out. haha!

Thanks for your responses. It's been several months since I could get him interested in doing things. In June, he was walking around the neighborhood (extremely slowly of course) and doing some exercises with me or the physical therapist. Sometimes it seems like he just doesn't feel like he has anything to get up for. He doesn't even want to take car rides any more, which has always been a draw. I play music, read, and try to get him to "play Uno" or other games, but he just sits there. I feel bad for him (and for me because somehow I have to get his briefs changed!). I have an occasional home health aid but it looks to be time to get someone for rise and shine as well as tuck-in. And sometimes I think he's tired of just me being around, so perhaps a facility is better for him now anyway.

I think you have at least 3 choices to consider:

1) Get sufficient in-home help and in-home equipment to continue to care for your father there. Some of it will be covered by Medicare. Some of it will have to come out of Dad's assets.
2) Place Dad in a facility that can deal with his dementia and also his arthritis. Visit him often. Have breakfast with him before you go off on a job search (and hopefully soon a job) and/or tuck him in at night. Be a loving daughter to him but give up the day-to-day hands-on caring to professionals.
3) Continue trying to do it all alone. Damage your back and damage your mental health. Perhaps come to resent your father and then feel guilty for that feeling!

Late stage dementia usually leads to placement in long-term care centers or hospice houses. It is very difficult to handle effectively at home, and nearly impossible for one person to provide all services needed.

I send you warm wishes. This is a hard job!

We run into this often with my mother. Reasoning with her is fruitless and merely Creates arguments. How Could it do anything else when her reasoning ability is gone. Our guiding principle in MOm's care is using routine , habit , and triggers. The part of the brain where habits or stored is still working in Mom- although nearly everything else is not. So we use that. I Never instruct her. But I use activities or words that trigger an ingrained habit to get her To move.
For example, Getting up from the Love Seat js particularly difficult because she is warm and cozy. First I sit down next to her -cuddle a bit enter her warm cozy world to Come out of it together, ' Then I will slide a hand behind her just a bit to rub her Shoulders. oh-She Likes that! Soon I Can get her to move forward to the edge of the seat So I can rub her lower back. I have her Walker already sitting jn front of her Only once she is fully engaged with me do I initiate standing -but I still don't say it. I may notice something across the room that needs fixed. Or talk about my being hungry And Wanting lunch. Still rubbing her back- Now with my hand at the Small of her back giving a slight pressure out and up with my movements I say "Lets take care of this or that" Then a moment later "Let's do this Now and I Stand my hand Still on her, Generally She Comes right up with me.

fire ants. you need some of them little red fire ants. those s**** will make a hippo run for water.

it is time to get social services involved-it may be time for placement but he needs an assestment-trust me you do not want to spend years being his caregiver-he should be started to apply for medicaide and if it works out so he can stay in him home for now with aides but do not take on the job of caregiver and if you work do not quit your job unless it is something you want to do-now is the time to get him help or placement-if you have siblings who will help that is great but do not expect them to want to help or to help-keep us posted on how you are doing-we educate each other on this form.

fire ants are cheaper.

I use to look at older people and get a bit agitated about how slow they moved or hearing them moan when they stood up, or tried to reach down for something...it was annoying. Fast forward 50 years and whoa...it's me, with arthritis and all the moaning and groaning and hardly being able to stand up or get down on the floor and have to crawl to grab hold of something to get up. How lucky am I to get every ailment that BOTH sides of my family had!!!

I can tell you for sure it hurts, every stinkin joint hurts, you may want to stand and yet your body is not willing to do it. You find yourself sitting there on the edge of the chair counting, 1, 2, 3..pull....and hopefully up I go....then I have to groan because every step hurts!

I too would suggest that you see about getting some in home help. If Dad stays in the same position all the time he will get bed sores, which are horrible to try and heal. I can attest to the fact that it is painful, pills or not!

Good luck and God Bless!

Jeanne and StandingAlone, thanks for putting the three choices out there. They've been swimming in my head, yet for some reason it helps to have them delineated by someone else. #3 isn't an option. I don't need a bad back and I want to be in good shape to play with my grandkids (that's one reason among others . . .).

So, I've started getting more help but it's the short-term option.

Thanks all and keep in touch!

I should add that I began preparing for a method of triggers, patterns, and habits whilc Mom still did some self care, I very closely watched the movements she made when standing, taking her partial out, brushing her remaining teeth and bathing. I established words and phrases to act as triggers by what I Said at moments she initiated a movement. I say it EVERY SINGLE TIME exactly the same way. And I know how to move or hand her things that prompts her hand or body to respond in a way that initiates the action needed.