What do you do when you cannot get a late-stage dementia patient to move?

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My father is strong. He often holds on to side of bed or chair, gets a grip and will not stand up, tho he is still able to some degree. The gait belt doesn't always help and gets him really agitated anyway. I know he has severe arthritis in his hips but he does have pain meds. Otherwise he's in good health. Are there tricks to getting someone to move? Do I quit trying and leave him in bed? I'll need help even rolling him side to side for changing. Suggestions?

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Also. My Dad does make requests and she does pretty much whatever he says. But I learned early on that as her daughter -any request from me would NOT be reccived well.
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I should add that I began preparing for a method of triggers, patterns, and habits whilc Mom still did some self care, I very closely watched the movements she made when standing, taking her partial out, brushing her remaining teeth and bathing. I established words and phrases to act as triggers by what I Said at moments she initiated a movement. I say it EVERY SINGLE TIME exactly the same way. And I know how to move or hand her things that prompts her hand or body to respond in a way that initiates the action needed.
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How loving and patient you are lrhawkins! I know what you mean about cues and I've used some (like starting to put on the pants can start the standing pattern . . .) but often resort to the gait belt because I don't want to take hours. Your way is much more caring. I'm going to work on my approach. thank you.
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We run into this often with my mother. Reasoning with her is fruitless and merely Creates arguments. How Could it do anything else when her reasoning ability is gone. Our guiding principle in MOm's care is using routine , habit , and triggers. The part of the brain where habits or stored is still working in Mom- although nearly everything else is not. So we use that. I Never instruct her. But I use activities or words that trigger an ingrained habit to get her To move.
For example, Getting up from the Love Seat js particularly difficult because she is warm and cozy. First I sit down next to her -cuddle a bit enter her warm cozy world to Come out of it together, ' Then I will slide a hand behind her just a bit to rub her Shoulders. oh-She Likes that! Soon I Can get her to move forward to the edge of the seat So I can rub her lower back. I have her Walker already sitting jn front of her Only once she is fully engaged with me do I initiate standing -but I still don't say it. I may notice something across the room that needs fixed. Or talk about my being hungry And Wanting lunch. Still rubbing her back- Now with my hand at the Small of her back giving a slight pressure out and up with my movements I say "Lets take care of this or that" Then a moment later "Let's do this Now and I Stand my hand Still on her, Generally She Comes right up with me.
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If he's in that much pain, you might ask the doctor for "lidocaine" patches. They can be applied directly to the areas that hurt and alleviate the persistent pain. From others' reports, there is a product called Salonpas patches that work similarly, but available over the counter (without a prescription). If the doc wants to prescribe oral meds, a word of caution: almost *all* pain relievers have some major side-effects, not the least of which is constipation; many have more long term effects like liver and kidney complications. Whatever you get, it's worth researching the long-term side effects. There's nothing like providing a cure that's often worse than the original problem.
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P.S. for HolyCow. My dad was always very stoic. Your reply helps me see that perhaps he's been in a heck of a lot more pain than I've realized. I've been thinking that it's the dementia that has made him confused about moving, yet sometimes he's very clear about not wanting to move. Your 2nd paragraph describes they way he acts! If you have other ideas on how I can help ease the pain, please share. He has meds and I put Ben-Gay type ointments on his hips to soothe the ache. Sometimes I place a pillow under his knees but he usually moves it during the night. Thanks for the insights.
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Jeanne and StandingAlone, thanks for putting the three choices out there. They've been swimming in my head, yet for some reason it helps to have them delineated by someone else. #3 isn't an option. I don't need a bad back and I want to be in good shape to play with my grandkids (that's one reason among others . . .).

So, I've started getting more help but it's the short-term option.

Thanks all and keep in touch!
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What JG said.
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I think you have at least 3 choices to consider:

1) Get sufficient in-home help and in-home equipment to continue to care for your father there. Some of it will be covered by Medicare. Some of it will have to come out of Dad's assets.
2) Place Dad in a facility that can deal with his dementia and also his arthritis. Visit him often. Have breakfast with him before you go off on a job search (and hopefully soon a job) and/or tuck him in at night. Be a loving daughter to him but give up the day-to-day hands-on caring to professionals.
3) Continue trying to do it all alone. Damage your back and damage your mental health. Perhaps come to resent your father and then feel guilty for that feeling!

Late stage dementia usually leads to placement in long-term care centers or hospice houses. It is very difficult to handle effectively at home, and nearly impossible for one person to provide all services needed.

I send you warm wishes. This is a hard job!
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I use to look at older people and get a bit agitated about how slow they moved or hearing them moan when they stood up, or tried to reach down for something...it was annoying. Fast forward 50 years and whoa...it's me, with arthritis and all the moaning and groaning and hardly being able to stand up or get down on the floor and have to crawl to grab hold of something to get up. How lucky am I to get every ailment that BOTH sides of my family had!!!

I can tell you for sure it hurts, every stinkin joint hurts, you may want to stand and yet your body is not willing to do it. You find yourself sitting there on the edge of the chair counting, 1, 2, 3..pull....and hopefully up I go....then I have to groan because every step hurts!

I too would suggest that you see about getting some in home help. If Dad stays in the same position all the time he will get bed sores, which are horrible to try and heal. I can attest to the fact that it is painful, pills or not!

Good luck and God Bless!
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