Cannot find a home for Dad since he insists on getting up and falling. Advice?

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Father (86) is in an expensive AL and has dementia, mostly alcohol induced.. The AL said he needs a sitter or must leave. Sitters are $25/hr. So sitter and AL is over $300K/year. I have tried other places, but they do not want him if he falls. He was warned he would become wheelchair bound if he would not exercise or do his PT. Hospice (care, not EOL) has told me homes are rated lower if they have a record of falls, that is probably why they will not take him now. At this rate my mother will have no money left for her life and eventual care in less than 2 years.
Does anyone have any ideas? I am at a loss, and mother (84) is a wreck. I hate to do it since he will feel bad, but I am going to speak to him today and let him know how he is ruining his wife's life with his insistence on getting up. Maybe if he has no falls for a month or two we will have a chance of placing him, but this is probably grasping at straws, especially if he does not comprehend totally.

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Ender, he has dementia unlearning behavior and learning new ones most likely will not be possible. We would all like to be able to change our behaviors to make life easier, I do not think this is realistic in those with dementia, probably will cause more frustration and stress especially for the caregivers whether they are family or those working in the facility. I am sorry you are going through this.
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Country - Just noticed your reply. He is in a memory care unit, and has been for a while. Their solution is for us to hire 24 hour sitters. Mom cannot afford it. We are trying other places, but have been turned down because of his fall record (although he has not fallen in a month and a half).
I wanted to keep him in a nicer place, but it looks like we may need to move him to more of an institutional hospital atmosphere (Skilled NH).
I was not going to talk with him, but I really feel he should at least have a chance to change his behaviour for a fighting chance at a nicer place (AL). It is possible he won't understand, but we really think he would want the chance. I know I would if I were him.
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glad - great idea. I had not suggested that one. freq - It is all very confusing to us too. He has always been a fall risk. When he was first admitted they put that on his room. The frequency went up when he had an infection. I still do not understand this. His other needs are really not a lot for a home resident. We always pay the bill and even launder his clothes. We called the state, but they were no help at all.
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Agreed FF. What are we supposed to do if nursing homes start to refuse residents because of falls?! I know, we will have them all held up by marionette strings, install a track type system? LOL!
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This is confusing, I never heard of a nursing home not taking a patient because they are a fall risk. If that was the case all nursing homes would be empty because the elderly do tend to fall. Is this something new?
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Countrymouse - I agree, he should be in a memory care unit. In fact, he is in one now. But they will not let him stay because of the falls. And other units do not want him because of the falls. They do not want to deal with it and risk losing their facility rating. The hospice folks who first told me this are trying to help us place him now.
We are starting to wonder what they will do if we just stop the sitters.
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Under Medicaid Law, your Father's the money is split evenly between both parents if the money is help in joint accounts. He has to spend his half before he is eligible for assistance from Medicaid. He does not have to spend her half to qualify. You must get your Mom to a Medicaid Planning Attorney to make sure that her half of the assets are protected for her own care as she ages.
They will also make sure that when he does go on Medicaid she will have adequate income to maintain her home and other expenses.
Perhaps your Dad should be in a Memory Care Facility rather than an Assisted Living. They will better know how to deal with his Dementia issues.
My Dad had Dementia and also fell frequently because he "forgot" that he couldn't get up and go to the bathroom by himself. They tried a variety of strategies to keep him seated.
Good Luck to you.
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Your father cannot be made to understand that he must not get up, so stop trying: it is frustrating for you and in the end becomes abusive to him because you are requiring him to grasp a concept that he is incapable of grasping. I hope I don't sound snotty - I know this from painful experience with my own mother, and I truly sympathise.

He needs to be in a memory care unit, where the staff will have experience and expertise in managing dementia patients at risk of falling.
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glad- Hard to believe they do not want to take him in the nursing homes either so far. There is a large focus on falls now, so a nursing home or AL has their rating affected by the number of falls. As cliche as it sounds, most of the homes are owned by larger companies which are very concerned with how the ratings affect profits. So the decision to not take him is business related. So yes, where else can he go?

Jeanne - thanks. We are concentrating on those two search options. There is a real shortage of beds, but we will keep trying. You are the second person to mention the lawyer, I will set that up this week. I did not know about that one.
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1. Consult a lawyer specializing in Elder Law to help avoid impoverishing your mother.

2. Restrict your search to Nursing Homes and Dementia Care places. Dad is no longer a suitable candidate for Assisted Living.

My mother's dementia keeps her from remembering she can't stand up, so she is a fall risk. Her nursing home has put a number of practices in place to help prevent that. No one has asked for "baby sitting" or talked about discharging her. You will find a place that will take Dad. Keep looking.
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