Summary: Mom (82) in TX, me, 58 yr old daughter in CA. Mom, a long time, non compliant diabetic, was recently diagnosed with hemolytic anemia. This week she was just diagnosed with middle range (not sure the stage) lymphoma. Trying to stay in direct contact with doctors and getting much info through CGiver as Mom is also in and out with dementia.
Many years of financial conflicts with Mom (see past info) and the time is now here where there is no more savings. She must now live within a monthly pension allowance which she COULD live within if she wouldn't give her money away AND if she wouldn't write out checks to herself for cash (she's 99% home bound) or to misc.
She has removed me from accessing her credit card account over the phone, however, I'm still able (for now) to monitor it online - same with bank account.
She's never had debt, but has, as of last week, while in the hospital under pain meds, called CCCompany, and reduced monthly payments. Her interest will be money that isn't within her budget.
I'm terrified that she will try to try to go into her line of credit, as well, to keep funds available so that she give it to her "friend" as she desires.
1. Her lifespan is unknown at this point as I don't know how strong and capable she is of going through chemo, radiation or other possible treatments suggested. So this is an unknown.
Please understand that this email is NOT an emotionally based one. That's a different one. Because all of this has happened within the same week - I'm dealing with both things at once. The money hits the bank on certain dates. Her health we take one day at a time.
2. Her Joint POAs are her CGiver and her "friend", to whom she rewards with money she hasn't had for many many years. They are both now aware of the situation, except for the reduced CCard payments.
I've asked that the CGiver (who HAS been with our family for 15+ yrs) to take over writing the checks and keep a register. AND to work within the budget I've sent to her. But the "friend" IS her son. She caught between that rock and that hard place…..
While in the hospital my mom also, the same time she called the CCCompany, called and left me a message to put 10K into her bank account. She called me again, I said I was addressing it - the subject has never been brought up since. Does she remember? I don't know. Did she think of it on her own in the hospital or did the "friend" have some influence? I don't know. Nor does his mother.
My husband and I won't give money to the "friend". We won't give money to Misc. We legally CAN'T take over her finances. We CAN'T destroy her CCard or limit her spending. And now she's in a fight for her life.
The Q is: what CAN I do? I will support her catastrophic expenses. I love her and will make sure that she is cared for (would move her here - even at her refusal) because she would no longer be able to pay her CGiver. She WILL be taken care of.
But in the meantime? Thoughts?