My elderly father moved in with my husband and me three years ago. It was not our idea, he almost forced his way in. Despite having a 2 million dollar nursing home policy he doesn't want to go. He is ill and I have been forced to cut way back on work to take care of him. he also brought his dog which I have to take care of as well. I have no brothers or sisters. I will be 59 in Feb.
The stress is getting to me. There is "bad blood" between us; my mother passed in 1984 at the age of 57 from cancer and he did not take care of her- he shipped her off to her own mother to care for her dying child. He did not care for his own mother either; leaving his brother-in-law to do that and when he could no longer do it, she was shipped to a nursing home where my father very rarely saw her. Right after my mother died he began dating right away (even two of my friends) and then married again in 1986; she passed from cancer as well in 1990. They were living in Las Vegas at the time and my husband and I are in Florida (originally from NY) I went out for the funeral and then three days later my father flew in and wanted to live with us; he did not want to live alone (he was 63 at the time, in excellent health and financially stable) He came to live with us and dated a stream of women until he married again in 1995. They lived only a mile away from us. As they both got older they fell ill and it somehow became my job to take care of them both. Finally, in early 2012 they separated; she went to live with her family in Delaware; he came here.
It is all about him. His heart, his hip (he has fallen in the house twice and broken his hip) Then he gets better, drives his car (and was dating a 68 year old woman he met while in rehab for his hip- he'll be 88 in Jan.) and gets nasty. Then he gets sick again, expects me to go to the hospital several times a day to visit him and bring him food from home as he doesn't like the hospital food. When he was in rehab he did the same thing- wanting me to go every day and bring him food. The nurses were amazed to see me there everyday; they said most adult children sporadically visit their parents.
His goal is to live in my house until he dies. What a nice thought- finding him dead one day and having to wait for the coroner to carry him out in a body bag- I'll be real comfortable in my home after that. It is wearing on my husband as well; he works nights and the constant parade of nurses and physical therapists wake him up during the day so he can't sleep. He has to help my father in the shower.
My father told the nurse the other day that he is very little trouble. Sure, I only have to cook, clean, do your laundry, take care of your dog, take care of your legal affairs, make your doctor appointments and take you to them and keep track of your meds and sometimes help you in the bathroom...are you kidding me? All while trying to work.
Can anyone advise me before I lose my mind completely?