Can you charge an elderly disabled parent to live in your home?

Luvmydad, of course your dad can pay you for care, just as he would have to pay if professionals came in. Do some research and find out how much it would cost to place him in a care center at the level of care he needs, and also how much it would cost to have professionals come in to your house (or his) to provide care. I'm not suggesting that you use this to set your own fee, but it would be background information for your sister. I don't understand how family members think a loved one's need to pay for basics cease when they move in with a son or daughter. It costs everyone something to live. Why should you alone provide this for Dad out of your pocket?

Because there may be family conflict, and because it may be necessary to apply for Medicaid in the future, I advise you to keep very careful records of your expenses on his behalf -- trips to doctors, incontence supplies, whatever. And also to put the care and payment arrangement in writing. Realize that you also sometimes need to pay a professional caregiver, unless your sister is willing to provide respite care so that you can get away regularly. No one can do this 24/7/365.

My 90 year old Mom has lived in my home for 10 years.We have created an apartment type of area for her. She has been in bad health the whole time. Two back surgeries, a broken hip, and a mild stroke brings us up to date. I am retired and can care for her needs, but for the past 5 years I have been charging her about 1,000 a month for food , shelter, and total caregiving Will I be in trouble if at some point she goes into a home and I have to apply for medicaid.

Oh, Suzie, I am so sorry for your situation! Can your daughter, who now has the increased value of the house, pay you at least some of that money back? It is not like you can sell it!

I suggest that you consult an attorney who specializes in Elder Law for advice on what to do now.

Your Medicaid application would be considered again after a penalty period based on how much you "gave away." Would your daughter help you out for that period? Between your SS and her help, if you can self-pay for that penalty period then you could be on Medicaid.

But I think the first step is to see a lawyer -- and not who handles divorces or tax problems or intellectual property. One who specializes in Elder Law.

Thank you for sharing one of the pitfalls of using your money to enhance the value of someone else's home. Maybe it will keep someone else from learning the hard way.

can I rent out my parents home once they have moved into assisted living? I want to sell it so they will have the funds for their needs, but the market is so down now. The home is paid for

Whew! Someone else gets it! Thanks for the good advice. This all just happened 2 weeks ago and has been so stressful. My sister lives thousands of miles away of course. Thanks to us my dad has been able to live on his own the past 2 years.

my mom does not want to go into a nursing home so she takes turns living at 3 of our homes She is in agreement with the situation and knows from caring for her own mom how difficult it can be. Her resources are such that the caregiver gets $70. a day . She pays for medicine and depends. We switch homes every 21-28 days. There are 8 children and only 3 of us can take her in their home. This is a lot cheaper for her and it gives us the incentive to give her what she wants. Other siblings know how challenging the project and have not disputed because they are not able or do mot want the responsibility. One of us has to hire some outside help because of work schedule for which mom pays $10. an hour. We have now cared for Mom for 5 years.

Please make sure you know what your getting into when you invite a parent to move in with you. Even if they are well now it won't be long before they will need care and lots of it. Do not expect other family member to jump in and give you a break--that just won't happen. However if there is any money they will be first in line. I have been doing this for years, my father doesn't want to go to a nursing home. My sibling who lives next door in a house my father paid for just about makes it over to feed him lunch if he doesn't forget. I am in the process now after five long years hiring some outside help. It can be very draining.

my mom does not want to go into a nursing home so she takes turns living at 3 of our homes She is in agreement with the situation and knows from caring for her own mom how difficult it can be. Her resources are such that the caregiver gets $70. a day . She pays for medicine and depends. We switch homes every 21-28 days. There are 8 children and only 3 of us can take her in their home. This is a lot cheaper for her and it gives us the incentive to give her what she wants. Other siblings know how challenging the project and have not disputed because they are not able or do not want the responsibility. One of us has to hire some outside help because of work schedule for which mom pays $10. an hour. We have now cared for Mom for 5 years. She is 90 years old.

Win-Win! My Mom lives with us and the way I have explained the fact to sister and family members is that Mom is paying us to live here but.... She is saving about $1000 a month from what she would have to spend in assisted living, and we are increasing our retirement budget by "working" for Mom. She wins and it's good for us too. Some days when I have dealt with the frustrations of smiling through dementia crabbiness or repeating myself 4 times, I remind myself that this is my job and I AM getting some compensation. ...it helps somehow. If we require respite care, we pay for it out of Mom's monthly contribution. She is aware of what she would be paying in a nursing home and what she was paying in independent living and we call our arrangement "Win-Win" I have told everyone in the family they can step in at any time and take my place but no one has offered . It's surprising how a little extra income can make you feel better about dealing with some of the challenges of elder care AND how much better my Mom is being taken care of surrounded by people that love her.....win-win!

My daughter wanted me to come and live with her and family after her dad died. I had some life insurance money and we decided to take the money and covert her downstairs basement into a walk out apartment. I paid for all the work done on the apartment plus the landscaping. After about a year she decided she did not want me there any longer. I moved into an independent living but after a while I knew I needed more help. I applied for Medicaid. The social service assured me that I would qualify for it. So needless to say I had to spend down the rest of my money to do this after than submitted my papers. They told me that I was not eligible for Medicaid because of the insurance money I had used to pay for the building of my apartment. That was regarded as a gift. Now what do I do? I am totally broke and do not know what is out there for me.