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This is probably a stupid question... I try to take care of me... my mom is 84, her mom and brother died at 82 of dementia/ Alzheimer/ diabetes. My mom will not for yes admit that was the cause. Use to many yrs back she told me which I already knew. I lived 350 miles away so I stayed in touch weekly with her for the mother daughter bond. She does things at her home, I'm sorry to say, my brother who has bummed off her all his life has always lived with bet! And my dad when he was alive. I don’t talk to him much but I figure since he’s bummed and he lives there least he’s there if she falls. Her Dr. Could only tell me 3 yrs back that yes, he had discussed many times if hemodynamics tests and she refused them. She tells me “ don’t think about it” even on serious things which I don’t see or I can’t do it NOT to think about stuff!
Bottom line.. I need help yes of drawing boundaries. It’s hurt seeing my mom never say I love you or hard to even hug me when I stop by her hoarded home. I think about this and it’s stressful. My “ friends” have left after I said moms hiding her dementia but I see it big time.
I used to have pretty thick long hair. A year ago I started shedding hair bad then it’s stopped some. I went to Dr yesterday and she ordered blood work. She said yes, your hair is thinning which I cried and she said it’s alopecia. She asked if I had been under stress... I said YES! I said my mom lied to me yrs back she didn’t have diabetes... she did. I said I find myself thinking of her situation over there and her all the time.. her changing and having mild dementia and why will she not admit things and why is she numb to most anything! Except she will always defend my brother and now yuch, acts like she’s married to him! It’s alwsys we.
Anyway, I’m scared because I miss my hair and fixing it pretty and I feel it’s over “worry” about her and sadness she can’t or won’t say for last 3 yrs I love u or anything. I know in ways I’ve lost my mom. I have not dated in a year, I find myself thinking of the dysfunction over there. So I gather my hair thinning which hurts is from the stress? I see and not having support. Please pray my hair starts thickening up! I’m a lady and it hurts I can’t look ok because my hair has thinned boom in a yr! It just fake in that fast!! I’m angry at myself but angry I think at her, for denying things and I need my boundaries, so I can have MY life. I’m worried now about my hair. Too my health.
Sorry so long... I’m new on here.

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Teaching--

I too have thinner hair than when I was younger...a part of aging, and possibly a side effect of diabetes or thyroid being out of whack. Check both those! If it's TRUE alopecia, I'm sorry, no matter what you do to your hair, it's going to fall out. I have several friends with alopecia--and after the first, initial shock of finding out, they all dealt with it--some wear lovely wigs, some go bareheaded. It's all about attitude and what you're comfortable with.

My hair turned gray after my son had brain surgery. I was only 44! What a shock to go through this with him and then a few weeks later notice that all the new growth was pure white!! Wasn't ready to go "there" so I have been coloring it for years, something I said I'd never do.

I also have a very difficult mother who lives with a difficult brother. We routinely get into spats and I find that all that does is make me sick to my stomach...so I do see a therapist and she is VERY helpful and wonderful. You just need to find the right one.

I wish you luck. Go ahead and try all the hair restoratives you want--maybe one will work for you.

And know you are not alone in this aging parent thing. My mom NEVER tells me she loves me or hugs me, never really has, so I am not holding out hope that she will suddenly change at age 88!

((Hugs))
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My hair has thinned dramatically over the years and I have developed other health problems over the past ten years. I have certainly been and still am under a lot of stress, but don't really know what came first the chicken or the egg.
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Teaching, I noticed that my hair was also thinning, I thought it is from stress, since stress had brought on a large number of medical issues which I am still dealing with even though my last parent had passed over a year ago.

I did noticed that the thinning pattern was very similar to my Mom's own hair. So it probably was a mix of stress plus heredity. And then there was menopause, oh fun, all the issues that can cause, plus hair thinning.

As for a talk therapist, I had lucked out finding one who was my age and who had taken care of her own elderly parents. Thus, when she said she "understood", she really did. It is just so hard to find a talk therapist who takes Medicare, which will pay for the sessions. And to then narrow it down to one that really clicks.
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Teaching - I totally understand the hair loss situation. At my prime my hair was so thick that my then stylist had it so I got booked extra time as it took him extra 30 min to “do”. Major hair, dark, thick strands. Thinning is part of aging process no matter what then stressors add into that to accelerate loss. I’ve seen dermatologist and a trichologist. There are things you can do, here’s what was suggested to me: biotin twice a day, vit D3 also twice a day; only non sulphate shampoos (if you color your hair you should be using these anyways); once a week moisturizer to scalp via a hair repair pack like the kind you leave on like Pantene’s 3 Minute line or Rene Furterer’s Karite line (I use both & karite is beyond awesome but more pricey). Daily use of minoxidil 2% twice a day any brand. I’ve used Rograine, Qilib, Target, etc. & found no difference except for price. If you tolerate 2% (all have alcohol so it can be an issue), you could switch to men’s 5% once a day. It’s off label to use this way but my derm suggest it. Costco has 5% foam, 6 canisters $45 and it’s just the bomb as the foam provides extra holdup power to my hair. Key is to whatever you buy is that you must absolutely must do all daily, but 3 mos or so you will see fill in growth. 

If your hair pro-colored, Redken or Goldwell have sensitized scalp lines. Other lines are meh imo on truly being for sensitive skin.  If you DIY or DIY in between salon color trips Umberto U line semi color (Ulta carries it) is gentle color, beyond cheap & shouldn't be an issue for your colorist. But ask first. Also if you helmet color your hair (color entire scalp) and it more than 50% Grey, You might want to consider to let some gray grow out so that it becomes low lights and you color in dark; your scalp won’t have so much contrast as it grows, plus it buys you time on seeing colorist.

& final suggestion.... Color Wow. British product but Ulta carries it. A pigmented mica & zinc based powder you brush into scalp (brush provided) to lay color onto grey grow out OR on scalp to keep emptier areas from looking paler than your facial skin OR to tamper down scalp shine that shows through. Stays on till you shampoo. Awesome. 

There is a salon only procedure - Evolve Volumizer - that exists too. A tightly licensed line for select salons. I’ve known 1 person to use it, had pretty significant center part loss. Stunning results but requires regular $$ till forever upkeep. 
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Teaching, stress can cause terrible problems with your health. If you are addicted to anything, food, drugs, shopping, alcohol, gambling, etc. it can make that worse too. Do you have a fairly good relationship with your brother? Would he take mom to have her checked out if you asked? I think if you had some answers from a doctor about Mom’s health it would make things better for you, too. Sending you peace and hugs.
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She really does need to be assessed. Her behaviour and habits and personality have all changed in a comparatively short space of time. If you possibly can, do talk to your brother about getting her at least to her GP/PCP and reporting what you've noticed.

And yes, *everything* changes when it's your mother! Much easier to deal with other people's! :) - but that just makes it all the more important to get professional eyes on her. Best of luck, keep venting, hugs x
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Too I’m mad at me because I worked hospice yrs ago and was trained and almost finished my counselor degree but I can’t seen to use any tools or remember what I learned! I guess when ur in a box, sometimes it’s vety hard to see out. Also she’s very negative to me and I hate negativity. It pulls u down. 
Bless you CountryMouse.
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Hi Country Mouse. :-) My mom still drives to certain stores, she always gets her hair done and will send me emails on hair thinning. She when she retired 4 yrs ago, she would email me funny cards, she stopped that when she retired. I kept doing it and no response! I stopped it over 2 months ago. Her professor friends husband died a yr ago. I found out she told her that was the day she had to get her hair fixed and couldn’t go! It wasn’t that.. she could not go to his funeral. Her other friend now for 2 yrs is alert but is now in wheelchair. When that happened, she stopped visiting her! I think it’s bevause she doesn’t WANT to see this stuff. Her will doesn’t even say a funeral or anything. Her sister which I loved is 2 yrs younger than mom and my mom is saying she has memory problems. This may b true but my aunt lost her son a year ago, so I feel that’s the impact as well on her sister.she will not discuss that with her sister.
There is a support group but it meets when I can’t go! Once a month. I thank u countrymouse for being there because you have answered a few questions of mine lately . :-) I just feel the weakness in me or feeling sluggush / stress now my hair... I’m taking on her stuff not totally knowing it, I saw a counsler... all he said was u can’t change anything, draw boundaries, yes in ways ur grieving over your mom and get more into church. I’ve seen him 4 times and he says the exact same thing each time with no tools to teach me how, so I stopped paying money I didn’t have and found this site.
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Teaching, are you able to talk to your brother about arranging an assessment for your mother?

If your mother is entering on dementia, it is not realistic to expect her to "admit" or "acknowledge" things; or to be as aware as she used to be of her family history. This wants addressing.

I am sorry for the stress you must be under; and I can imagine that the symptoms you're noticing with your hair are very upsetting indeed. But just fretting definitely won't help! Is there anyone you can talk things through with, and see what your options are?
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