She's been living with us and has progessively worse to the point where we can no longer take care of her. She is a very stubborn 90 yo and everyone is at their wits ends and just basically sick of arguing with her. She won't bathe, sleeps most days for more than 15 hrs a day, will normally only eat lunch that we provide and may have a bottle or 2 of water a day. She gets an occasional bout with diarrhea and the last one was the last straw for everyone. We had an appointment for her with her Nurse Practitioner which was suppose to be last Wednesday come to find when they called to confirm she cancelled the appointment and the scheduled blood work. We have no idea if she even takes her meds when she is suppose to which may be part of the problem but when we try to talk to her about it she goes storming off to her bedroom and closes the door hence the 15+ hours of sleeping. She was ok but then when all this COVID hit and everyone was at home it was like she turned in to a totally different person. I am sure we cramp her style since she was used to being home by herself most days and DH went back to work last week and I will be going back within the next month. I just do not feel at all comfortable leaving her for an hour let alone 8+ hours every day. We tried bringing someone in to help out and that was a disaster too but there has to be other options out there just looking for some guidance. TIA

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Maine, covid was certainly a turning point for many a LO... To know where to start, we will need some details:
- did your mom assign a durable PoA? If so, is that you?
- has she ever had a cognitive exam given by a doctor and recorded in her medical records?
- has she ever been tested for a UTI? (This type of infection can cause demential-like symptoms or make dementia symptoms worse, and is treatable with antibiotics).
- does she have the financial means to go into AL?

It sounds exhausting to live with her, through no actual fault of her own (except her cognitive decline). If she has diagnosed dementia her DPoA can transition her into a care community. If her cognition is bad enough she may need Memory Care. If she doesn't have a lot of financial resources, you can help her apply for Medicaid (which takes about 3 months to know if she's approved). If no one is her PoA and she either is too mentally incapacitated to legally assign someone, or she flat-out refuses then someone will have to pursue guardianship of her so they can legally manage her care. If it's not someone from her family, then the county takes over.

For local facilities you can contact your area's Agency on Aging or this website:

IN the meantime you could contact your county's social services for a needs assessment and they may be able to provide a little relief through light housekeeping, meal prep and bathroom/hygiene help, but it won't be many hours. I wish you all the best! Let us know how it goes and come with questions as you have them.
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