Update to my other posts in dealing with my estranged father suffering from dementia and mental issues.
The guardianship petition is still open (I petitioned for the State to be guardian in Oct). The court appointed attorney for him has not submitted her answer (she thinks he’s fine) so we can’t have a hearing until that happens. The court is doing nothing about it and my attorney has gotten nowhere with it. I’ve basically given up on it at this point.
He was evicted 2 weeks ago. I had cut all contact for 4 weeks prior and was actually on a flight when it was happening so I didn’t receive any calls or even know about it until the next day because his neighbor called my attorney.
I figured he would be at the hospital sooner or later, and he was. I was able to view his health portal with all of the notes as to what was going on in an attempt to prepare myself for him showing up or being dropped at my office or home.
From the records, I saw that Crisis got involved, took him to the ER for leg swelling. They had put him in a hotel. They were checking on him daily, providing him food, and working on placement.
He seemed to have major decline being in a new place. I received a couple calls from the police. He was having delusional episodes in which he thought someone was attacking him.
After a week of being at the hotel, he ended up back in the ER claiming someone hit him in the head with a hammer. FINALLY, after I had been trying for months they did a psych evaluation. They deemed him as lacking capacity for decision making in all aspects. Diagnosed him with dementia as well as paranoid and delusional. APS was called and seems that APS forced his admission to acute elderly care.
So he’s been admitted. But now the hospital is calling Crisis, calling me, calling APS to do something with him because they don’t want to.
I spoke with the gentlemen at APS and he has informed the hospital that they need to find placement as they have deemed him as lacking capacity and he threatened that if they let him go, they would be liable for anything that happens to him.
He advised me that if I do hear anything from any agencies or the hospital that I tell them I am not a resource and there is nothing I can do. He was very helpful and assuring.
The past 2 weeks (especially the past week since he’s been admitted) have been the least stressful of the past 6 months. I finally felt like this huge burden was lifted from my shoulders. As soon as I stepped away, he’s gotten more help in the past 2 weeks than I was able to do by staying involved in the last 6 months.
But now I’m worried that the hospital is going cut him loose. I don’t want all of this stress to start back up again. I don’t want to be involved. All I wanted was for him to be safe.
Can they do that? What happens when someone has nowhere to go? Will they actively look for placement for him? File for the state to take guardianship in their own case?
He has no health insurance. So the hospital wants him out of there ASAP.
He is eligible for Medicare and is eligible for 2500 a month and 17k back pay from SS. He never applied for it.
I had tried to take him to SS and one of the crisis workers tried to take him 2x in a week and he refused to go.
He also has 62k in a savings account.
Will they try to access this money at least to place him?
I am with Alva, drop the Guardian application. Its expensive. Talk to APS first making it clear u don't want it and would rather the State take over.
You are correct. He will get more help through the state than through you, because a document saying you are guardian does NOTHING but rope you in a corner in which you are totally helpless.
Can you get housing for him that is safe? NO, you cannot.
Will a facility take this man? NO, they will not. They cherry pick, and this is no cherry.
Can you take him into your home? Only if you choose to live in an asylum.
You are learning the hard way.
He will get more help with housing and medical being a ward of the state than your ward.
This state taking over frees you to be a daughter who chooses her visiting day.
Your father is helpless in his disorders and they cannot even be combed out anymore.
Is he mentally ill? Probably.
Does he have dementia? Probably.
This isn't his fault.
BUT YOU CANNOT FIX THIS. Continue to tell all that you are not responsible and in the name of all that's holy DROP GUARDIANSHIP ATTEMPT NOW. Because any day now, and I PROMISE you this, some social worker will get you emergency temporary guardianship with a 15 minute phone call to a judge. I HAVE SEEN THIS HAPPEN. And let me ask you? What will you do then with this poor gentleman? EXACTLY WHAT?
Please embrace your helplessness in this. This can't be fixed.
Many years ago I went to the hospital for outpatient surgery or as I sometimes like to refer to it, ‘drive through’ surgery 😝.
After my exploratory surgery, I was violently throwing up in the recovery room. The nurse walked over and said, “Get dressed, you’re out of here.” I looked at her like she was crazy and said, “Do you NOT see me throwing up? Do you want me to vomit as I walk down the hallway? She changed her tune and said, “Okay, you have one hour longer to stay.” I sarcastically said, “I will do my best to be finished with violently vomiting .”
I think your Father will cycle in and out for a while until the county gets guardianship of him. After that, if they can get the info from him, they will hunt down his financial resources and use them. After that, he'll be on Medicaid.
I'm hoping they'll keep him in the psych wing until they can get him on meds for his agitation/anxiety/delusions. By that time they should have guardianship, at which point they will have no problem transitioning him into an appropriate facility. My cousin with extreme agitation, paranoia and resistance (from ALZ and an untreated UTI) was in a hospital psych wing for more than a month as the aid tried every day to get her to take meds. Finally, she did. It changed everything.
Even though your Father will never know what a hero you have been for him, we here all know it.
I'm going to save the link to this post so that the next person who posts about trying to orbit around an out-of-control LO can read what's in store for them from someone who lived it...
"As soon as I stepped away, he’s gotten more help in the past 2 weeks than I was able to do by staying involved in the last 6 months."
Blessings to you. May you have nothing but peace going forward.
But this has taught me so much. I hope I can advise people that are going through similar situations and spare them some of the stress that I’ve dealt with
Stepping back is the BEST THING you did--for dad. He's safe, he's been deemed incompetent. They WILL find him placement.
The homeless folks under the bridge haven't been deemed incompetent. They are generally folks who are competent when on meds, and not when they stop taking them.
Since dad has dementia in addition to being mentally ill, there is little hope that he is ever going to regain capacity.
Yes, the hospital wants him out. That's THEIR problem, not yours
Here's the thing. Many hospitals these days have an electronic system that starts a patients discharge when the number of days the bot thinks thinks is appropriate are up. (!)
This "discharge" showed up in my husband's record while he was still in ICU, still with an active internal bleed. The chirpy SW called him and said "you can go home Sunday!"
I called his doctor who said "we're still in charge here. He's not going anywhere."
Step back.((((hugs)))))
I have not seen your previous posts
The APS guy seems helpful and with good advice.
You appear to have done the best you can and have petitioned with the court in a concerted manner.
As to your question in the title, no, they really should not discharge a patient as described. They should go through correct channels and get him placed. Yes, his savings likely will be a target to pay for care first and foremost. But, thats ok right?
what state is he in? to some degree, state polices might have some bearing.
They could file an emergency petition of property initially to get access to his money and then amend the petition that I filed so that they become the petitioner and the state would assign a guardian.
Yes, I hope since they’ve been informed that he indeed does have some money, they would have more options to get him placed quickly.
It sounds like you have been to hell and back with your father. I am sorry that you have experienced all of this.
I admire your courage in following your convictions in order for your father to receive the help that he needs.
I know someone who had no living family members other than a nephew who lived far away. He was part of my circle of friends and was terminally ill.
He did ask a few of us to become his PoA. No one wanted to take on this responsibility. We made this abundantly clear to the hospital staff when they questioned us during visiting our friend.
The state took over his care. My friend’s cancer was no longer treatable. He was dying. The hospital social worker found a nursing home for him to spend the remainder of his life in.
I hope this will be the case for your father, where the hospital will find suitable placement for him.