Can someone tell me some kind thoughts? Ideas for how to do this?

Sorry for your loss this morning, I read on a new thread.
We are here to support you through this. 🧸️🌱🍃🍂🌿

So sorry you are having to play the waiting game. We knew the end was near for my mother but my Aunt who had sat with many people at the end of life was sure it was not happening tonight. She told me to go home get some sleep and get my family. I got to mom’s house about an hour away a third of the way from the SNF mom was in to my house. Mom was still holding her own, no changes in her breathing so keep going. Another hour and I got the call, mom had taken one deep breath, held it & when she exhaled she was gone. She waited until I was far enough that I would keep going to get my husband and son.

Do not think about dealing with the house right now. You already have enough on your plate.

As far as her burial goes I would do what I could ahead of time to have things lined up. If there are parts of the process that you know now are going to be too much for you find out how they can be done without you. I’m sure there are ways to arrange it. What if someone with no family had chosen a green burial? Sending you strength to get through these next days.

Emily, I'm so glad you are going to get out for a bit tomorrow. Just....breathe. (((((hugs))))))).

(((((((hugs)))))))

Emily Renee
God Bless you for your caring soul. She is aware you are there but I guarantee does not want you to hurt. My father, at 89, broke a hip and fell. In the ER waiting for x-rays, I told him it was ok, he could go join mom. He did not have his hearing aids on and was literally deaf as a post. He turned around and looked up at me and I could see the it's really ok? in his eyes. Alzheimers was affecting him but that was really dad to the core.
The person who says the other side is so beautiful you cannot imagine it... They are right. I have been blessed twice to see it but was sent back as it wasn't my time. Your mom will be loved and cared for and will watch over you until it's time
for you to join her. Be at peace, please and know she loves you.
Ask for help from the people mentioned here. It will be hard without her physically there but please put the memories of the items in the house in your head and carry them with you always..I have learned things you can hold in your hands and they can be broken, stolen, burned and ruined but with the memories the people live in your head always. It's the people who count.
Call hospice and take advantage of the volunteers who will help you sit vigil.
I have a friend that calls every day and reminds me to eat. I frequently forget too. See if a work friend or neighbor could do that for you. They may be unaware of the burden you carry but would be happy to help. Just ask.
Your mom raised a beautiful soul. Love and Peace

EmilyRenee...
First, sorry you are in this vigil.
Hospice, if they are still doing it has volunteers that will sit vigil.
Go, take a shower, change your clothes and get something to eat.
I was told by the nurse when my Husband was on Hospice that death can be a private thing and someone will wait until their loved one leaves the room then they will die. While you have made sure she has not unfinished business...you have given her your blessing...maybe what you have not given her is some alone time.

As far as the green burial you do what you feel comfortable doing. There is someone else that can carry this burden.
Play some music so you don't hear that "thunk" that you fear. Even if it is by way of earbuds so only you can hear it. Make it music that she would have enjoyed as well.

And ((hugs)) for the difficult time you are having.

Emily Renee, I'm so sorry for your loss. It is wonderful that you have such strong love for your mother.

Not all green burials require a shroud. Our place offers a recycled content cardboard box from mourningdovestudio.com I hope to have folks paint and sign the box if ever I need to bury someone.

I hope you and your mom have peace.

As an only child, I am sending you a warm hug and gentle hands. You are not alone....prayers.

EmilyRenee,
With all that you are going through, it is encouraging that you were able to get back to us and respond.

Just checking back in with you today. Even a small break from your vigil will help you cope better. Venting is also a good thing to help yourself. Are you eating okay?

Were you able to get up off the floor?

Just wanted you to know that caregivers who are experiencing burnout may just need some support. Others, may totally lose it for awhile mentally. You seem to making good sense, that is a good sign.

First off, Emily, I am so sorry for your impending loss.

This is my feeling about this, and I may catch a little flack for it, but I'm going to say it anyway.

The rituals we practice after we lose a loved one (funeral, burial, etc.) are meant to help the living left behind. I firmly believe once we pass, we pass into such a wonderful place that the things we leave behind no longer hold sway over us...we are able to "see" so much further and more than we can with our earthly eyes that we no longer have the cares that we had here on Earth.

While I admire your mom's conscientious and caring choice of a green funeral - and honestly, until I read your post I had never even heard of such an option - if the execution of it is too much for you, then tell her you will comply with her wishes, but after she's gone change the plan to something you can handle.

You clearly love your mom, and I can't imagine she would want her final arrangements to cause you such grief and stress that it would haunt you for the rest of your life.

The love and care you give to your mom while she's alive is so much more important than how you handle her remains once her soul has gone onto eternal rest.

Peace to you in this journey.

My husband passed 2 years ago, we still have not emptied his house. He had an uncle move in with him the last two years of his life, so we have allowed "Uncle Jimmy" to continue renting the house in a sort of caretaker, maintenance role. There is no reason you must do the physical labor of wrapping, carrying, preparing her body for burial, alone. You are totally allowed to have help. Grieve, cry, reminisce if she is conscious, know that you are doing all that you can.

EmilyRenee,
So sorry that you are having to do this by yourself. And sorry that you are losing your Mom.
If you have some kind of health insurance, can you contact hospice?
The reason I am asking is, because they would know about other plans for end of life that you may be interested in. One is called a Doula, at time of death. A companion to do just what you are doing for your Mom, and more. Because she wants a 'green burial', I am thinking you don't want hospice to medicate her through this.

There was an article in AARP about "Death Dhoulas", or "Doula".
They also help new births, some have certificates. From what I understand, they are the ones to take the shroud to the burial site.
Here is a link:
https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/home-care/info-2018/end-of-life-doulas.html.
You should not be doing this alone, it is no wonder you are burnt out.
I have no experience with a doula.

However, I do want you to have the opportunity to recover from the grief and experience from your mother's choice of dying.
With that in mind, please get up off the floor now, and go shower.
Can you sleep tonight nearby, maybe on the living room couch?

Try today calling for help. Do you agree wholly with your Mom's choice, or are you accepting of her choice? Because if you disagree, if it is against your beliefs or strange to you, then you should not be the one doing this vigil. And no one should be doing a vigil 24/7 for as long as you have.
If you cannot go on, get up now and take a shower.

Lets others on here know if you are unsuccessful with the shower.
Keep in touch. Yeah, this is harder than hard.

🌹🌾🌿🍃🍂🌳🌱

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through and how overwhelming it all must feel. Your thoughts are racing, understandably so, but try as much as possible to keep in the moment and let other problems go. It took 3 weeks for my mother to pass once we knew it was actively happening, and though we were there so much of time, in the very end she was alone. And that’s okay, she was deeply asleep and simply drifted away. Know that it’s okay if this happens with your mother, she well knows your love and support. Get rest for yourself as you can. Please get help with the burial when the time comes. Your mother would understand that it’s too much for anyone to handle alone. A local minister may be able to point you Ina good direction on that. As for emptying a house, we all have different ways of going about that, post again when you’re ready for that and good advice will come. Meanwhile, I wish you peace, rest, and blessings on this road, I know it’s sooo hard