Follow
Share

I took care of my 93 year old mother in her house for 13 years. My oldest brother, who is power of attorney , came from out of state sold her house and had my other brother take my mother you a retirement community 200 miles from me. I would visit every other week. After a year and a half my brother and sister in law moved my mother into their house against my mother's wishes. That was 8 months ago. When I went to visit my mother for a few days at Christmas time, while my brother was out of state working, my sister in law was extremely rude to me. Before Christmas came she called the police and had me removed from the house for no other reason than she didn't want me there. I didn't get to say bye to my mother and haven't seen her since. I have talked to her on the phone several times and she always says,'when are you going to come see me?' Over and over. A month ago I told my mother what my sister in law did in December and now my sister in law will not allow me to talk to or visit my mother. Can she do this? It makes my mother and myself very unhappy.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Nothing you weren't sharing. EXCEPT that you fought the family about selling mom's house. To pay for her care and get her out of a house she no doubt couldn't take care of anymore. And that you were living with her. They may well have felt you were serving your own interests by not wanting the house sold -- whether or not that was true. Family relationships have fallen apart on much less.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

An example of my sister in law's attitude. A year ago I called my Mother 3 days in a row and my 3rd brother, who is special ( mentally handicapped) answered the phone each day and said my Mom was sleeping. Later I found out my Mom was in the hospital those days and my sister in law had my special lie about it because 'He might start trouble'. What kind of person does that? What trouble would I start? Having someone lie for her....taking advantage of my brother who didn't know any better.....to hide the he fact my Mom was in the hospital.....?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My sister-in-law won't take advice from anybody. She has to be the boss. She doesn't get along with her own mother. Could she be trying to make up for that with my mother? The strain in our relationship started when I was taking care of my mother she fell and hit her head and I called an ambulance. My other brother, the power of attorney, came from Utah and put my Mom's house up for sale while my Mom was in the hospital. My Mom begged for me to stop him from selling the house, so I fought my brothers over it. Our family hasn't been the same since. They said they had to sell her house to pay for 24/7 registered nursing care for my Mom. So they moved her to INDEPENDENT living and she still hasn't had a register ed nurse. After a year and a half they moved her into my brothers to save money. When they sold the house they said it would pay for a registered nurse for 7 years. Yes my mother has first stage dementia. And NO...there is nothing about my own circumstance I'm not sharing.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Sounds as if SIL is overwhelmed with caring for your mother. Do you provide suggestions to her on what you think would work better for mom? Does Mom have dementia? You cared for her before she was moved to assisted living. Was there anything that prompted that move? And the move from assisted to brother's?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Yes, your sister-in-law can do this. Unless your brother and his wife are psychotic, there's something about your OWN circumstance you aren't sharing. Your mom is living in their home. They can completely limit your access to her.

Write a lovely card to your sister-in-law and tell her you'll be sending newsy cards to your mom and hope/pray they'll give them to her. Stay in touch that way. In a few months, call your BROTHER and ask if you can visit a few days staying at a motel. They are under no obligation to open their home to you. Your SIL probably feels she has quite enough on her plate without that.

I suspect your relationship with these people has been broken for some time. Now is probably not the time to fix it. Good luck to you...
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Txcamper, My brother knows what is going on, but his wife runs the house. He goes along with whatever she says. A month before I went my sister-in- law told me she was going to send me $100 for gas (which I didn't ask for) because my mother really wanted to see me. I told her then I might stay a week or two and she said that was fine. I did sleep there since they live far up in the mountains and it takes an hour to even get to the closest hotel. The 3 nights I was there I made my Mom's favorite meals each night as I had brought $90 worth of food with me. I offered my sister in law each night but she had an excuse not to eat every night. And yes, I cleaned up the kitchen spotless each night. She didn't ask me to leave until the police were called. However, she was rude to me and made me feel unwelcome when I was there. I had gone outside to smoke a cigarette and she locked me out so when the police came they went in and retrieved my stuff and I wasn't allowed to say bye to my Mom. Up to a month ago I could talk to my Mom and she always said, 'When are you going to come see me', since I used to visit once a month minimum when she was in a retirement center up until September of 2014. So a month ago I told my Mom what happened in December and my sister in law yanked the phone out of my Mom's hand and yelled at me. I haven't been able to talk to my Mom since.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Yes, txcamper, I had the feeling there was a lot more behind this story. Could you fill in those details, Freitas?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I just reread your post and saw that she had to call the police to have you removed from the house. Had she asked you to leave prior to that incident? Were you refusing to leave or something? What did the police do? Did they wait until you packed and then escort you out or did they just talk to you. Calling the police seems to be pretty extreme, even for a hateful sister in law.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

What does your brother say? Does he know what his wife is doing?

I'm not sure legally, that she can prevent you from seeing your mother unless she has guardianship. However, the fact that your mother is in their house changes that up a little, because she has the right to say who is in their house. When you visited in December, did you invite yourself or did they invite you. Did you stay at the house, or were you in a motel. Did you eat with them or offer to provide a meal? I don't know your sister in law and I don't know you, but I do know that after a couple of days of company, no matter how much I love them, I'm ready for them to leave. Especially around the Christmas holidays when things are so hectic anyway. You might give your sister in law some time to get over that, and then approach her with a calm attitude and ask her if you can come visit. That you miss your mother and would like to see all of them. Maybe enough time has passed that she will be in a different frame of mind. Good luck!

Can your mother leave the house at all? Perhaps you can arrange (somehow) to visit with her at a different location.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.