These family things are so messy, complicated, and frustrating. The short answer is NO your mother most certainly does not have to see your anyone if that is her wish. (Unless your sis have a legitimate reason for concern - ie: a preceived misuse of funds, endangerment, neglect, etc.) If not, I see no legal way that your sister can force herself on your mother. That being said, it is also difficult asking someone to respect your wishes when they are used to doing as they darn well please. First, make sure that your mother has no desire to see your sis. Next, politely inform sis of your mother's wishes...you do not need to go into lengthy reasons...that just fuels the fire. Better yet, you may want to put everything into a letter with a "signed receipt" and keep a copy. If she still continues to harass your Mom and you feel strongly that she should be kept away, file a restraining order and then enforce it...hopefully, she will get the hint. Sounds like your sis needs SOMETHING from your Mom or she would not be making a pest of herself. If your motives are truly in the best interests of your Mom and you are protecting her from harm (mentally, physically, emotionally, or financially) be consistent and firm with your sis. As if you do not have enough to do.....
Also, Italianbabs, it is no one's business why you do not interact with your sister or anyone else; this issue is about your mom and her wishes being respected.
It is not illegal for an adult to not want to see another adult, regardless of blood relations. The only way your sister could use the law, is if she is wrongfully denied inheritance later - for instance, if your mom deemed something to her, but you hold it back. Also, if your mom is currently of sound mind, and you want to avoid a lawsuit later from your sister contesting your mom's Will, then you should make sure that your mom's will, if it currently does not include your sister, is certified somehow as being legitimate because your mom is currently of sound mind and body. Other than a Will dispute, your sister cannot sue you or demand that any adult private citizen interact with her.
If mom doesn't want anything to do with her daughter she is under no legal or emotional obligation to do so. On the other hand you should not be in the middle. I don't know why you no longer talk with your sis but if it's because of loyalty to mom, then maybe it's time for you to sit down and rethink this over. Excluding the grandkids is unfair to them (unless they did something wrong or are verbally and physically abusive). The sins of the parents should not be passed on to the children- but they are. Is it possible to invite just one of your neices/nephews over at a time to see you or for you to go out with them? Miscommunication is the cause of so many family problems. Maybe mom would benefit from talking to someone out side of the family to find a way to handle this.
If you mom doesn't want to see your sister. Than there is nothing your sister can do. Its at your moms wishes she doesn't want her around. I have 2 siblings that washed their hands of my mother over a year ago. My mother has endured all kinds of trouble with them and its the best that they have chosen to stay away. and as well with there children, my siblings have allowed their children to disrespect their grandmother. I used to think that the grandkids should come around. However, the only way I could get them here was to pay them... and when they were here all they did was ask for money and gifts. Which really upset my mother. when the hand outs stopped coming so did they!!! Everything will be okay, just stick to your guns. Try to support your mother in what she wants.
Your last few sentences is right on!!!! Thats how I look at things. All the time when my siblings upset my mother. I had to clean up the mess so to say... My siblings are all about the money too. My brother scamed so much money from her. Actually, he was using a credit card in my fathers name(who has been deceased for 5 yrs. The last account I had was that the balance was over $17,000. I have tried to fight with Capital One that fraud is going on. They don't want to deal with it. Cause they are wrong for letting my brother do this fraud activity and not stopping it. I could go on for days about crap that has happened. I am here for my moms best interest. I might not be perfect but my husband and I are doing our best. When I had to stop working to look after mom 24/7 we took a sizeable income loss as well. So mom does help pay the bills and groceries etc... Why not.. we all live together. Don't worry about the incompentent thing. My mom is in later stages of dementia and ALL of her doctors say she is NOT incompentent. The whole incompentent thing is a big legal mess from what I understand. Once a person is found incompetent then it has to go to court for an court appointed Guardian. Which in my POA papers mom has stated that if she were deemed incompentent. She requested that I was appointed her legal guardian. So have your uncle check his POA papers and see if there is a mention of that in there.(if not, get it in there) I truly feel for your situation. I know for myself there were days that I just wanted to wave a white flag and say "I give up, you win". But then I would think what would happen to mom. My siblings I know for a fact would throw her in a home and forget about her. and have a hay-day with whats left of her assests. My hubby and I have stuck to our guns, and after a year of hell, my siblings just stopped harassing us. My siblings tried so hard to get me in trouble with protected services for the eldery, siblings even as much as would have people stop along the street outside of the house and take pictures and videos of us outside. My husband lost it when these people started to do this when the kids were playing outside. For a year, we felt like prisoners inside our home. I know that its not over. But for now we just enjoy the peace. I wish I had a magic wand to help fix our problems. Its helped so much being here and reading other caregivers who have similar situations. It has helped me realize that I am not alone.
Just because somebody is a "blood relative" does not mean they are obligated to see their family member or even "like them" for that matter. I would politely inform my sister that mom has made it clear that she wants nothing to do with her and leave it at that. Maybe your mother and sister have had "bad blood" going back decades of which you are unaware. We should not fall for the myth that adult children and their elderly parents should or can like each other. There are plenty of people I have met (including relatives) that I did not particularly "like." It's no big deal.
Well I tried to get the grandchildren to see grandma and it turned to all out war. They want me to let them see her on their terms and the hell with what grandma wants. So after laying awake all night fuming over how they treated me I have decided to contact aging care or elder care and see what my options are. I am sick and tired of being abuse verbally and emotionally and have had enough. I am going to ask the elder care people also about my sister taking her money. I just saw in our paper today that a man was being brought up on charges of taking money out of the account he was POA of and moving it and it is considered fraud. So it's time to check things out. Mom is considereing filing a restraining order against them now. They keep blaming me and saying I am making this about me and that is not the case at all. This is all grandma and all her wishes. She wants my sister to give her money back and that's why she is mainly angry. I don't blame her. That money is hers and both my dad and she worked long and hard to have what they have and no one should be taking that away without moms permission. Do you have to go to court to declare someone incompetent or can one letter from your physician boss say someone is incapacitated? I've just had enough of this whole situation. I try to be nice and bring them together with their grandmother and I am the one who turns out to be the bad guy. Now these two girls have no kids because they are too selfish and no nothing about taking care of anyone but themselves. How dare they judge someone who is responsible for another adult especially and elderly one when they are too damn selfish to care about anyone but themselves. Sorry I just need to vent as I'm pretty angry right now
Yes, you do have to go to court to declare someone incompetent which will included a notarized statement from a doctor(s) that the person in question is not able to conduct their business in a business like manner, why, and their qualifications for making such a judgement. I almost had to do this for my mother's protection, but I do have the two notarized letters from two doctors, one of which is her neurologist. Feel free to keep on venting. This is one of the great benefits of this site.
Start with your state's dept. of aging, or Agency on Aging, and then check with the Local District Attorney's office, They usually have an elder fraud office. But you're best bet is to see an Elderlaw Attorney as soon as possible.
That being said, it is also difficult asking someone to respect your wishes when they are used to doing as they darn well please.
First, make sure that your mother has no desire to see your sis. Next, politely inform sis of your mother's wishes...you do not need to go into lengthy reasons...that just fuels the fire. Better yet, you may want to put everything into a letter with a "signed receipt" and keep a copy.
If she still continues to harass your Mom and you feel strongly that she should be kept away, file a restraining order and then enforce it...hopefully, she will get the hint.
Sounds like your sis needs SOMETHING from your Mom or she would not be making a pest of herself.
If your motives are truly in the best interests of your Mom and you are protecting her from harm (mentally, physically, emotionally, or financially) be consistent and firm with your sis.
As if you do not have enough to do.....
Everything will be okay, just stick to your guns. Try to support your mother in what she wants.
I am here for my moms best interest. I might not be perfect but my husband and I are doing our best. When I had to stop working to look after mom 24/7 we took a sizeable income loss as well. So mom does help pay the bills and groceries etc... Why not.. we all live together.
Don't worry about the incompentent thing. My mom is in later stages of dementia and ALL of her doctors say she is NOT incompentent. The whole incompentent thing is a big legal mess from what I understand. Once a person is found incompetent then it has to go to court for an court appointed Guardian. Which in my POA papers mom has stated that if she were deemed incompentent. She requested that I was appointed her legal guardian. So have your uncle check his POA papers and see if there is a mention of that in there.(if not, get it in there)
I truly feel for your situation. I know for myself there were days that I just wanted to wave a white flag and say "I give up, you win". But then I would think what would happen to mom. My siblings I know for a fact would throw her in a home and forget about her. and have a hay-day with whats left of her assests.
My hubby and I have stuck to our guns, and after a year of hell, my siblings just stopped harassing us. My siblings tried so hard to get me in trouble with protected services for the eldery, siblings even as much as would have people stop along the street outside of the house and take pictures and videos of us outside. My husband lost it when these people started to do this when the kids were playing outside. For a year, we felt like prisoners inside our home. I know that its not over. But for now we just enjoy the peace.
I wish I had a magic wand to help fix our problems. Its helped so much being here and reading other caregivers who have similar situations. It has helped me realize that I am not alone.
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