Can you have a primary residence in MD and secondary in DE and receive Medicaid in the secondary residence?

First you need to get durable power of attorney if you don't already have it. Plan to sell the house in Maryland and talk to an elder law attorney about options. Perhaps there's an option to put the proceeds into a special trust for your mother's care in Delaware. Medicaid is for people who have no money or assets to sell to pay for their own care.

The caregiver exception allows you to stay in the house, assuming you have been living with her and can document that your care kept her out of the Nursing Home. It does not give you title to the house. MERP will continue to lien on the house. The bank will foreclose when she dies or stops paying them. Delaware will deny her completely based on the fact that she owns an asset, the house, in another state. Forget Delaware. If you intend to keep the house, forget Medicaid altogether.

My advice: Work and live where it best suits you, then Mom. Never design a life based upon what the government is going to give you as a benefit, or do to you as a punishment. Imo, the gov. gives with one hand, takes away with the other, often.

Sharing a home in DE with mom, her income could help tremendously.

NOPE. And when you sell the house, she will have a big chunk of money that has to be spent down. If she uses a Delaware address, Delaware Medicaid will insist the out of state property be sold and the funds used for her care first. Somehow they think if you have two residences you don't need Medicaid.

Regarding the Caregiver Child Exception, you would need to check the guidelines of the State.

This Exception is usually for a grown child who is taking care of an elder who would qualify for nursing home care, but would be taken care of at their home for two years. You would need doctor proof that your Mom should be in a nursing home or having nursing home care at home. The home would need to be set up like a nursing home.

Usually if a person is in a "nursing home" environment, they are unable to go outside to go to daycare. Also, the fact that you work outside of the home could disqualify you. Thus, there is a lot to check out.

"Problem is even if she leaves me the house I still would rather reside in DE and I do not really have a problem with the state taking the house to recover cost, but my brother wants us to keep the house so I need to know how to protect it. I guess my only option is to tough it out and continue to pay out of pocket and still try to move part time to DE so that I am not endangering our lives and anyone else with driver's fatigue."

So what is your brother doing to facilitate keeping the house? Does he help to take care of your mother? If not, why not? Is it all on you?

Walking a fine line, trying to comply with governmental requirements is hard.
You say all her doctors are in DE, her daycare is in DE, etc. You will be having a difficult time proving to the government she is actually residing in MD, since Medicaid pays her doctors.
However, if a person enters a nursing home and also plans to return to their home (within a specified period of time), they can keep their home. I could be wrong.

In my opinion only, you (and family) are not rich enough to support two homes for Mom for sentimental reasons. Mom's needs and care is more important, sentiments don't get covered by any government programs. Mom is too poor on Medicaid (don't know how she qualified with $2500/mo. income) to have two homes.
If you sell the house and use equity for a down payment on a senior home, (again within a specified time period), that may work.
Maybe you should act fast on your Mom's behalf.
Sounds like you are not only driving too far, this is driving you crazy.

V - although it sounds just fabulous that mom even though she has a home in MD can get DE Medicaid, to me it seems that financially the math doesn't work.

All the costs on the MD home including the mortgage still MUST be paid. If she moves to DE there will be a change of address. The MD homestead exemption for her more than likely is toast. Property tax reductions & payment plans for elderly & disabled are pretty generous. All that goes away & the city/state will find out. The old $600 tax bill could morph to $ 4,000. Homeowner insurance could need to change to vacant dwelling policy -these are somewhat expensive and very narrow on coverage. If she moves and does not notify the insurer and there is a big claim, they will not pay as policy was not in effect. The mortgage requires full insurance or shes in default for loan terms. Also Utilities, yard, repairs all still have to be paid for. Again more $. Her income is fixed at $ 2500. Can she afford 2 households? Yes you will find a job, but realistically how much can you take home after taxes? If you are on ACA low income the premium is being subsidized. Once you start working that and other income "at need" benefits will stop. What is a realistic rent & what up front costs to move in? You mentioned $ 500 a month is your budget. I just cannot imagine what kind of hovel $ 500 could rent for you and a disabled parent....

Really look at the probable increased costs to run 2 households. Please!. If you are going in every weekend to MD, you can't just shut off the power, cover furniture with sheets, pull closed the shutters and seal the house up. You are going to be running & paying for two fully in use households. Most folks in the US just cannot afford a second home.

Also clearly find out IF DE allows the waiver only because there is the agreement or understanding that the out of state property will be sold with the proceeds used to pay towards current or future care provided by DE. Usually this has a set time limit of 6 mos but can be renewed to a year with property listed by Realtor so there's a MLS agreement & # on the property.

To say nothing of all that equipment and paraphanalia that Mom requires. Double up on the clothing and disposibles. Remembering her meds at both homes. Will the apartment management allow you to install a ramp to get her wheelchair-bound self to the car that is parked--where? Not in the garage. Maybe they'll let you reserve one by the door, maybe not. I don't envy you at all. Working all those hours to pay rent, utilities, and somehow $20.00/day daycare has morphed into a $700.00 debt to be paid. Maybe I misread that. But still. You don't just throw a Hoyer lift in the backseat and carry it back and forth. Good luck!

You would need to check with the Delaware State Medicaid office to see what is allowed, since all States have their own rules and regulations. Waivers vary.

Please note, Medicaid does a 5 year look back on finances. If Medicaid finds that your Mother owns a house, they could possibly place a lien on the house.... thus, once your Mom passes, the house would need to be sold to help reimburse for your mother's care under Medicare. Remember, Medicaid is funded by the taxpayers and Federal funds.