Can the POA tell me, the primary live-in caregiver, what I can do with my own personal property?

I would tell sister, you are right. I should have complete control over MY car, but a car has to be available for transport. So..you should purchase another car for the exclusive use of Father for transport and all of Fathers needs (grocery shopping, pharmacy runs, etc).

Bet that shuts her up.

One simple rule: don't be a hands on caregiver without having POA.

Then if something happens you call an ambulance. If it is an urgent situation that would be the only way, anyway. Otherwise call a cab or wait until son brings the car back. No she cannot tell you what to do with your property or your life. Develop strong and firm boundaries.

And I hope you are being paid by the trust for your caregiving.

I don't think she has a say so in who or how your car is driven. That is beyond the duties of a POA. It might be a worry of hers but that's all. There are other modes of transportation as well as just getting a new car if the car is wrecked by you or whomever. People really are something aren't they?

If he's competent, ask your father to make you his POA.

I think KatieKate has the right idea; and actually I'm being serious, not mischievous. If your father's funds allow it, there could be all kinds of advantages in getting him his own car (which you drive, qua chauffeuse), such as choosing a model that will be easy and comfortable to load him into as he becomes less mobile, safety features perhaps, the pleasure for him of doing man stuff by talking to dealers and choosing a nice shiny new car (reserve the right of veto! - you can't easily get a wheelchair into a Ferrari); plus it would be easier to separate all expenses completely that way.

And yes it would remove the thorn of sister's feeling entitled to question what you're doing with your own private property, the cheeky madam.

if Trustee is paying the insurance out of the Trust then Trustee then she has some influence. I would suggest having her pay you the IRS government mileage rate and you pay the insurance from that. This way as long as you have the insurance coverage required by law and its non of her business who drives your car as long as it's in your name and you pay for it 100 percent and the Trust pays you mileage.

"what if something happens and you don't have your car?" I'm a tough love person. If something happens regardless of who is driving, tell your sister the POA can arrange for alternate transportation.

A POA can do a lot -- I suggest transfer POA to you or ship your father to your sister. If I were in your situation I would tell her and if she still wants her cake and eat it too, I would make her take care of him.

Sister sounds like trouble. Why does she have POA if she lives in another state and you are the hands on caretaker?