To make a very long story short, my great-grandfather is my step, having married my great-grandmother in the 60's. His bio daughter hated my great-grandmother and hasn’t visited since the 80's. My great-grandmother died in 2021, followed by him being diagnosed with dementia. Daughter comes back, gets POA, put him in a memory care unit, and will not allow any visitors or phone calls. Her argument is we are not blood, and therefore are not his family. I am 28, and my grandmother was a child when he was married into our family and became her step-father.
Do I have any rights to see him now that she’s POA? Can the nursing facility deny me access to him simply because POA said so? Would I have any legal standing in fighting for rights even though we are not biologically related?
We can't be privy to his condition.
You say that a call was snuck in to him and he remembers and wishes to see family members. You state you fear that his POA is attempting to wipe out 50 years of his life that the POA claims he has forgotten, but you believe he has NOT forgotten and would wish to see you.
Let me tell you what sometimes happens and what many POAs try to guard against. An elder has several families. Death or divorce leaves him widowed, he marries again. Perhaps several times. And as you can imagine "Family" gets bigger and bigger and bigger. The are step-this and cousin-twice removed.
Now let us say the elder gets dementia.
Sometimes (not speaking of your case at all) these "family members" swoop in and get elders to begin to sign this and that without their rational knowledge.
THAT is what the POA is there to protect the elder from. And that may be the fear here.
If you, as step great-grandson, wish to visit your great granddad then I would contact the POA directly and ask if you can visit WITH the POA. This will insure the POA that you are not there to speak to great grand about his finances, but to give him your love.
I think that's the best way to get your foot in the door.
Best Wishes to you.
You add to the general number and variety of responses.
On any forum you will find a great variety of opinion.
I think that Aging Care has some of the kindest, most polite, most informed folks I've seen in a like "community".
There's a large number of us; often we disagree with one another. But every OP leaves with a WIDE VARIETY of advice. One here now will leave with "you are best not to use this forum".
Again, I am glad to see you participating to help our OPs. That's what we ALL are trying to do. Even those of us (myself, admittedly) who do it with a dash of "tough love".
Do you just want a visit so you can lay eyes on him? Or do you want to take over management of his finances? Or take him to live with you?
Be aware that no one can just "put" someone in memory care. If they are there, they belong there. A doctor has to order that level of care. The facilities evaluate potential residents to make sure that they can serve their needs, which are many. Sometimes beds are scarce and there's a waiting list, and people can't get in. It costs a lot of money to live in memory care, usually. He's probably in a locked unit. You can't just walk in to visit, you have to be escorted or directed to a code pad, and if you don't know the code, you cannot enter unless there's a bell that you can ring and someone opens the door. If you aren't on the visitor list for a resident, you won't get far. This is all for the safety of the residents.
G'pa might remember you or say he does, but he has dementia or he wouldn't be where he is. You can't count on anything a dementia patient says. They lie (or confabulate, if you want to get fancy about it). They aren't the best of company sometimes. They fall asleep a lot. They might cry or yell or get very angry over nothing.
This is a pot that you might be way better off not stirring.
If the POA grants the daughter the authority to make decisions about visitation and healthcare for the great-grandfather, she may have the legal right to restrict access. However, powers of attorney can vary widely in terms of the rights they confer, so reviewing the specific POA document would be crucial.
Best Interests: If the great-grandfather's wellbeing is a concern, some jurisdictions may consider the best interests of the child (the stepchild) and the great-grandfather. Courts often favor maintaining family relationships unless there is a compelling reason not to.
State Laws: Different states have different laws regarding visitation rights, especially for stepchildren or extended family members. Some jurisdictions may have specific laws that protect the right of children to visit grandparents or great-grandparents.
Mediation and Legal Action: If there is a significant conflict, one option might be mediation to resolve the issue. In some cases, if a reasonable agreement cannot be reached, legal action may be necessary to seek visitation rights, especially if the stepchild has a meaningful relationship with the great-grandfather.
It may be advisable to consult with a family law attorney to explore the rights and options available in your specific situation.
Best wishes
They make the decisions that they feel are in the best interest of the person they are charged with caring for.
You can try to get visitation. But it may take a long time and cost you a lot of money. You would have to hire a lawyer. So it is up to you to decide if you want to enter this arena.
On the other hand you, as my Grandma would say, can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
Talk to the daughter.
Do not bring up past hatred
Do not argue
Ask if you can have at least a monitored visit. he is on Hospice you can try to contact the Hospice Chaplain or Social Worker and see if they can mediate a visit.
Please remember that whoever he is, he chose her as his PoA. She didn't "get PoA" -- that's not how that happens. Someone can "get" guardianship but not PoA. PoA is voluntarily assigned. He would have either gone to an elder law attorney to do it, or she downloaded the template for the document but then it has to be notarized and witnessed.
Have you ever seen the PoA documents yourself? Has anyone? If not, she can claim she is his PoA and isn't under legal obligation to show anyone the actual document just because they ask. But one thing you could do is hire an elder law attorney to question her PoA, and demand she produce the document to see if she even has one.
If it ever turned out she isn't his PoA, then he would be without a legal representative and if his dementia is progressed enough then someone would need to become his legal guardian.
How old is your great-grandfather? If he has dementia, would he now even know who you are? Your visit may even disturb him if he doesn't recognize you. Not sure what is the benefit of you visiting him? To check on whether he's getting good care?