Can a person with dementia become more gentle as the disease progresses?

Yes, my mother was very demanding outright abusive most of my childhood both physically and mentally very narcissistic but in the past two years as her dementia has progressed she has gotten sweet! Non combative willing to do as instructed as best she can without being nasty. It's amazing and I'm thankful . I just wish she was like this when she had all her faculties but better late than never.

Yes, for my mother. She suffers from progressive motor decline in vascular dementia. The motor decline is affecting her speech and behavior in addition to other matters. She's very, very quiet - until she wants something, like food or a diaper change - and will scream like a mad woman - until her needs have been completed and afterwards she immediately calms down and is very quiet until she needs something again, which is a few hours later. I'm so thankful she's not screaming all day and night long - yet - like some of gut-wrenching stories I read from other posters on this forum. My heart goes out to them...

Reading these responses; it truly is different for everyone. My mom was always kind and sweet. In the beginning stages; she was horrible -angry, combative, accusing - she hated me; it was awful - I lost my mom.

When she came to live with me, she was combative for awhile; but I went to many caregiving classes that taught how to deal with dementia behaviors. Mom lived with me for 2 years. I did my best not to agitate, I tried to keep her happy, my face calm and smiling. She went to daycare and she thought it was work, it gave her a sense of purpose. During those two years she thought she was only visiting me, and she did become herself again. I was told to live in her reality and that is what I do. That does avoid any conflict or agitation.

Now she is memory care and I feel like she is the same sweet person. On a good day, when I go to visit, she will point to the closet and say "are you hungry, there is the refrigerator go get something to eat". Just like when I used to visit her at home. Sad, but it's mom - the same kind sweet person she use to be and I am thankful for that.

Yes, my wife did before she died on Aug 18. Still got mad but not angry.

My wife was very happy after getting her hair done in the morning and was gone by 2pm that afternoon.

My mother never got mean with her dementia. She got frustrated a lot when she could not do certain things or couldn't find words. But in general she became nicer, more grateful and stopped worrying about what other people thought of her. She was more open, less uptight and laughed more than she ever did before the onset of the disease. She did have lots of hallucinations and some delusional thinking throughout, but generally I liked her more the last five years of her life than I ever did in the years before.

I have a friend whose Mother had dementia and died at the age of 97. The mother had always been a mean sarcastic woman. My friend took care of her as far as seeing to her safety; getting her into an institution; garnering a live in caretaker; paying her bills; visiting twice a week; and just always being there. In return, her mother would belittle her; talk up her younger sister to her as to just how wonderful she was; and just all in all nasty. However, a couple of years before she died, she seemed to take a complete turnaround by becoming more easy with her tirades; more loving; more complementary by telling my friend just how pretty she thought she was; more complacent! So much so that my friend couldn't believe it and said, "Where was this woman years ago?" So, yes, to answer your question, some, maybe not all, people with dementia can turn around and be the most loving of all people. So hang in there.

How interesting how everyone is so different... My Mom was not a nice person when I was growing up, she was nice to my brothers (both passed away) but not to me. Since Mom has dementia she has been the sweetest, kindest and most gentle person. Doesn't make sense though I'm happy and relieved that she is not nasty or aggressive.

She tells me all the time how much she appreciates me and doesn't know what she would do without me.

As I said I guess dementia affects everyone differently.

Found "Complaints of a Dutiful Daughter" online and guessing this is the one people refer to. Hadn't heard of it so I guess I will watch when I get a moment. http://www.fulltv.tv/movies/complaints-of-a-dutiful-daughter.html

I heard from the son of very mean mother that she became much nicer.

Mother was self centered and was more supportive of my brother growing up. She hardly even talked to me for at least 20 years when I left an abusive husband whom she arranged for me to marry and forced me to comply with her wishes when I didn't want to marry him. She and my brother and remained supportive of my ex after our divorce. He got the money after bankrupting the business we owned together and the money that my grandfather and father had left for me had gone into the business leaving me 0. I was left with nothing and a house I had just bought. My oldest son needed a home then. The loss of the family business and our divorce was a blow to him. I supported myself, went back to school, had a lucrative career and Mother slowly warmed up to me. I am retired. I am Mother's full time (24 x 7) caretaker now. Finally we have the close Mother daughter relationship as I and maybe she has always wanted. We are blessed to have this time together. She went from mean to sweet. Saying she has alzheimer's or dementia is going to far. She has some short term memory loss that is worse or better from day to day. Some days she remembers what she had for breakfast, etc. Other days she doesn't remember. She is totally loving and appreciates that I am her caregiver. She tells me daily that she doesn't know what she would do without me and that she loves me. I say and feel the same things to her. Better late than never.

I had a friend who explained that he felt guilty for his response to his grandmother with Alzheimer's. She had always been negative angry and unpleasant to be around. Now that she had alzhiemers she was sweet and pleasant. He felt guilty because he liked his grandmother so much more now than before.

Mom slept a lot near the end. She seemed a bit quiet but she still had her angry moods. She lost her ability to speak and eat about the same time. She died very quietly at 12:45 am in January. I would say it is about a 50/50 situation. It is also a very cruel disease and it makes me very sad. The doctor at the nursing home said in a lot of cases it is frustration because they want to be well and in her case she wanted to go home. RIP mom she endured everything for 96 years.

I read an article years ago in Newsweek magazine, I believe, written by the daughter of a woman who was considered very opinionated, strong-willed, and generally ill-tempered throughout most of her life... but became quite easy-going and gentle as her dementia progressed. It was a very interesting story. The term "pleasant dementia" was used. Try Googling that term.

My mom has always been an angel, but when she first showed signs of dementia, in 2014 or so, she would get frustrated. She would also get confused by the television, and walk up to it, and touch it. Sometimes she would talk to the people on tv. Now, having had dementia for three years now, she is almost always silent. It breaks my heart every day. My older sister is the primary caregiver, as my brother and I work. However, I have just lost my job, so, I have the double whammy stress of being unemployed, and watching my mother decline every day. She is extremely quiet, sweet, NEVER combative...just a little angel, as she has always been. I worry about her every day, am worried about my own financial future, and am simply overcome by stress, panic, fear and worry. I don't want to live in a world without my mother. She has always been my Earth Angel. She is the sweetest darling in the world, and I wish every day I could reverse this terrible disease. I want her back to her real self so badly. I love her more than life itself.



My fear is wondering when her time comes. A doctor from I believe Medicare stopped by to see my mother, since she doesn't leave the house anymore (she stopped coming down the steps about two or three months ago, which was heartbreaking). Anyway, the doctor took her off her memantene that day. My sister was at home with my mom when the doctor came, as I had been at work. I asked my sister if she happened to ask the doctor how much time my mom had, but she didn't. I'm glad she didn't, because I don't think I could live knowing how much time she had. It kills me every day.....I cherish every moment with her, but I never feel I am doing enough for her. She asks nothing of us, really. She is so quiet. We give her her meals, her few vitamins, etc. Her world has become so tiny, that the thought of it, let alone seeing it every day, just breaks my heart into a million pieces. She was an energetic, highly productive dynamo all her life. Now, she is a mere shell of who she was, and it is beyond heartbreaking. This should have never happened to her. I wish it happened to no one. I love her so deeply, I can't stand feeling so badly for her.

My grandfather mellowed out a lot and did things he never would have done in his younger years...like opening up to his children about his feelings and letting himself cry when he was sad. Whether this was a factor of my grandmother passing away or his Alzheimer's progressing, I'm not sure, but it was a big change for him as he had been an uptight and quietly angry man before the disease.