Can a person with dementia become more gentle as the disease progresses?

My grandfather mellowed out a lot and did things he never would have done in his younger years...like opening up to his children about his feelings and letting himself cry when he was sad. Whether this was a factor of my grandmother passing away or his Alzheimer's progressing, I'm not sure, but it was a big change for him as he had been an uptight and quietly angry man before the disease.

My mom has always been an angel, but when she first showed signs of dementia, in 2014 or so, she would get frustrated. She would also get confused by the television, and walk up to it, and touch it. Sometimes she would talk to the people on tv. Now, having had dementia for three years now, she is almost always silent. It breaks my heart every day. My older sister is the primary caregiver, as my brother and I work. However, I have just lost my job, so, I have the double whammy stress of being unemployed, and watching my mother decline every day. She is extremely quiet, sweet, NEVER combative...just a little angel, as she has always been. I worry about her every day, am worried about my own financial future, and am simply overcome by stress, panic, fear and worry. I don't want to live in a world without my mother. She has always been my Earth Angel. She is the sweetest darling in the world, and I wish every day I could reverse this terrible disease. I want her back to her real self so badly. I love her more than life itself.



My fear is wondering when her time comes. A doctor from I believe Medicare stopped by to see my mother, since she doesn't leave the house anymore (she stopped coming down the steps about two or three months ago, which was heartbreaking). Anyway, the doctor took her off her memantene that day. My sister was at home with my mom when the doctor came, as I had been at work. I asked my sister if she happened to ask the doctor how much time my mom had, but she didn't. I'm glad she didn't, because I don't think I could live knowing how much time she had. It kills me every day.....I cherish every moment with her, but I never feel I am doing enough for her. She asks nothing of us, really. She is so quiet. We give her her meals, her few vitamins, etc. Her world has become so tiny, that the thought of it, let alone seeing it every day, just breaks my heart into a million pieces. She was an energetic, highly productive dynamo all her life. Now, she is a mere shell of who she was, and it is beyond heartbreaking. This should have never happened to her. I wish it happened to no one. I love her so deeply, I can't stand feeling so badly for her.

I read an article years ago in Newsweek magazine, I believe, written by the daughter of a woman who was considered very opinionated, strong-willed, and generally ill-tempered throughout most of her life... but became quite easy-going and gentle as her dementia progressed. It was a very interesting story. The term "pleasant dementia" was used. Try Googling that term.

Mom slept a lot near the end. She seemed a bit quiet but she still had her angry moods. She lost her ability to speak and eat about the same time. She died very quietly at 12:45 am in January. I would say it is about a 50/50 situation. It is also a very cruel disease and it makes me very sad. The doctor at the nursing home said in a lot of cases it is frustration because they want to be well and in her case she wanted to go home. RIP mom she endured everything for 96 years.

I had a friend who explained that he felt guilty for his response to his grandmother with Alzheimer's. She had always been negative angry and unpleasant to be around. Now that she had alzhiemers she was sweet and pleasant. He felt guilty because he liked his grandmother so much more now than before.

Mother was self centered and was more supportive of my brother growing up. She hardly even talked to me for at least 20 years when I left an abusive husband whom she arranged for me to marry and forced me to comply with her wishes when I didn't want to marry him. She and my brother and remained supportive of my ex after our divorce. He got the money after bankrupting the business we owned together and the money that my grandfather and father had left for me had gone into the business leaving me 0. I was left with nothing and a house I had just bought. My oldest son needed a home then. The loss of the family business and our divorce was a blow to him. I supported myself, went back to school, had a lucrative career and Mother slowly warmed up to me. I am retired. I am Mother's full time (24 x 7) caretaker now. Finally we have the close Mother daughter relationship as I and maybe she has always wanted. We are blessed to have this time together. She went from mean to sweet. Saying she has alzheimer's or dementia is going to far. She has some short term memory loss that is worse or better from day to day. Some days she remembers what she had for breakfast, etc. Other days she doesn't remember. She is totally loving and appreciates that I am her caregiver. She tells me daily that she doesn't know what she would do without me and that she loves me. I say and feel the same things to her. Better late than never.

I heard from the son of very mean mother that she became much nicer.

Found "Complaints of a Dutiful Daughter" online and guessing this is the one people refer to. Hadn't heard of it so I guess I will watch when I get a moment. http://www.fulltv.tv/movies/complaints-of-a-dutiful-daughter.html

How interesting how everyone is so different... My Mom was not a nice person when I was growing up, she was nice to my brothers (both passed away) but not to me. Since Mom has dementia she has been the sweetest, kindest and most gentle person. Doesn't make sense though I'm happy and relieved that she is not nasty or aggressive.

She tells me all the time how much she appreciates me and doesn't know what she would do without me.

As I said I guess dementia affects everyone differently.

I have a friend whose Mother had dementia and died at the age of 97. The mother had always been a mean sarcastic woman. My friend took care of her as far as seeing to her safety; getting her into an institution; garnering a live in caretaker; paying her bills; visiting twice a week; and just always being there. In return, her mother would belittle her; talk up her younger sister to her as to just how wonderful she was; and just all in all nasty. However, a couple of years before she died, she seemed to take a complete turnaround by becoming more easy with her tirades; more loving; more complementary by telling my friend just how pretty she thought she was; more complacent! So much so that my friend couldn't believe it and said, "Where was this woman years ago?" So, yes, to answer your question, some, maybe not all, people with dementia can turn around and be the most loving of all people. So hang in there.

My mother never got mean with her dementia. She got frustrated a lot when she could not do certain things or couldn't find words. But in general she became nicer, more grateful and stopped worrying about what other people thought of her. She was more open, less uptight and laughed more than she ever did before the onset of the disease. She did have lots of hallucinations and some delusional thinking throughout, but generally I liked her more the last five years of her life than I ever did in the years before.

My wife was very happy after getting her hair done in the morning and was gone by 2pm that afternoon.

Yes, my wife did before she died on Aug 18. Still got mad but not angry.

Reading these responses; it truly is different for everyone. My mom was always kind and sweet. In the beginning stages; she was horrible -angry, combative, accusing - she hated me; it was awful - I lost my mom.

When she came to live with me, she was combative for awhile; but I went to many caregiving classes that taught how to deal with dementia behaviors. Mom lived with me for 2 years. I did my best not to agitate, I tried to keep her happy, my face calm and smiling. She went to daycare and she thought it was work, it gave her a sense of purpose. During those two years she thought she was only visiting me, and she did become herself again. I was told to live in her reality and that is what I do. That does avoid any conflict or agitation.

Now she is memory care and I feel like she is the same sweet person. On a good day, when I go to visit, she will point to the closet and say "are you hungry, there is the refrigerator go get something to eat". Just like when I used to visit her at home. Sad, but it's mom - the same kind sweet person she use to be and I am thankful for that.

Yes, for my mother. She suffers from progressive motor decline in vascular dementia. The motor decline is affecting her speech and behavior in addition to other matters. She's very, very quiet - until she wants something, like food or a diaper change - and will scream like a mad woman - until her needs have been completed and afterwards she immediately calms down and is very quiet until she needs something again, which is a few hours later. I'm so thankful she's not screaming all day and night long - yet - like some of gut-wrenching stories I read from other posters on this forum. My heart goes out to them...

Yes, my mother was very demanding outright abusive most of my childhood both physically and mentally very narcissistic but in the past two years as her dementia has progressed she has gotten sweet! Non combative willing to do as instructed as best she can without being nasty. It's amazing and I'm thankful . I just wish she was like this when she had all her faculties but better late than never.

My Dad was always a gentle person, but became even more so as dementia progressed. I slowed it down considerably (his VA doctors concurred) with diet and supplements. I gave him sub-lingual methyl cobalamin (B-12) and antioxidants like Alpha-Lipoic Acid and L-Carnitine and also Niacinamide (not Niacin). He started out when he lived with me wanting only coffee, donuts and hot dogs, primarily, lol. I gave him lots of really good salads with lots of different veggies in them and he got to loving those and asking for them. I also fed him bean enchiladas (the fresher, stackable type) - homemade in the crock pot with fresh lettuce, tomato, onions and a little red chile and of course, chicken, fish, beef - but no pork. His sugar addiction dropped as we rarely had desserts and he rarely wanted anything sweet. Diet made a HUGE difference in the dementia. I watched everything I could find on the subject and researched some independent studies. I noticed that B-12 made a significant change in his moods. At first, he was moody, but I recognized it as primarily a dietary problem, as I used to have the same reactions when I was younger and saw the correlation early on in myself. My Mom had characterized him as a "weather vane" for years when it came to moodiness, but with diet, he greatly stabilized.  I would say he became quite constant in his general frame of mind.  At one point, he began to feel very gentle towards animals and asked that we "not eat dead animals" anymore, so we did that (but we still had salmon). Sadly, he passed away at 86. He was a very gentle man whom I will always remember fondly. He had been strong as an ox in his younger years, a WWII Marine - but became frail with time.  It's hard to see that transformation, but aging and death are inevitable despite all one does.

One of my family members was a person of whom almost no one spoke in positive terms. After he was diagnosed with dementia, he developed a pleasant personality. So it can happen, but behaviors in individuals with dementia can be quite unpredictable. I had a patient who was a very polite and "proper" gentleman who became focused on women's breasts. Bottom line: one never knows with certainty how dementia will manifest itself.

My mother had always been an accepting person, a get-along person though very anxious at many times. She went through mild dementia well for a few years with the assistance of 24/7 care from two caregivers. When she had more physical problems, I took care of her on my own 24/7/365 which meant that I was running non-stop over 18 hours a day which left me little time to supply the social side that Mom also needed, though her physical condition improved a great deal. Mom did become angry toward the end of that 3 years, but when she was moved to a high-level assisted living/dementia care facility (now about $7500/mo) she became their best sweetie and lived for another 4.5 years in their care which was worth the cost, though it drained her assets as well as a chunk of mine. I think that there was enough gentle caregivers, other people, and activity around her to be interesting though she didn't often join in herself. One thing of major note, was the role that UTI's played in Mom going off the rails in various ways -- becoming more demented and angry very quickly and then recovering to a better steady-state after successful treatment of the infections.

My husband was diagnosed with dementia last December, and Alzheimer's was confirmed in June. One of the things that alerted me that something was wrong was he was a lot easier to get along with. He is just in the beginning stages and we will see what the future brings.

I don't have a lot of experience yet with anyone with serious Alzheimer, but a friend of mine has a mom who has it for 10 years at age 85. What i saw in her face was intense fear. She would hear me speak and try to put together a response, but couldn't. This was heartbreaking. I can't imagine anyone with advanced Alzheimers being violent or nasty, but again, I lack the experience.

Not necessarily. In fact, my foster dad was fighting his 'handlers' in the nursing home. I'm not sure if it's just part of the disease or if it's just how he was with or without the dementia but I've never really seen him fight until he landed in the nursing home because they were manhandling him very roughly

ALZ tests every emotion we have. He does not remember any member of his family yet shows anger if we try to communicate with him. He does not give the caregivers a hard time (at least none have told us of any issues). I am glad he is in a good facility with good and caring personal. This disease is not only costly but heartbreaking.

I would give my soul to the devil if I could have my old mom back. I miss her very much including her occasional temper. As her disease progressed she became more and more passive and quiet; all she wants to do is sit and sleep.

Wow, this topic is very interesting!

Mom was very combative towards Dad and some with me, but she was sweet when she calmed down. However, Mom was very sweet at the nursing home and became friends with her staff and other patients. All of the staff loved her. Mom was a people person.

Now, Dad, in other hand… He is so unpredictable! 😂 He can be sweet, humble and goofy when he's in a good mood! When he's confused, aching, or frustrated, he gets angry and starts blaming with me or other person for no reason. I learned to leave him alone until he calms down. He usually apologized afterwards. However, I believe that he'll going to get worse with his anger as he progresses.

my mom became a very loving person... At the memorycare place this past year progressed she has become and even more caring and personable person... Looking after other residents . Before she got ill she was not nice and very judgmental.

My father's dementia is progressing but it seems that the angry episodes are beginning to fade away. I'm not sure if thats the medication or not though. The serequil is supposed to do that as well. He seems to get frustrated and get quiet a bit more now but we will see. He is still trying to be in control but its kind of a back and forth thing for him. Time will tell.. God bless you guys..

Worriedspouse...You have a lot of good answers here on this post, and they are varied. That is the way of the human being, i.e., we are all the same and all different. I would say remember this. Your loved one is very afraid. This is true, especially at the beginning, as they know something is going wrong, but they don't know what it is.
I remember my mom saying is a very sad and worried voice..."I think I have a problem". She knew something was terribly wrong. Five years later, she was dead from Alzheimer's. Also, those with the disease are uncertain as to what is going to happen to them. I took care of my mom for many years and then, when I could no longer help her on my own, placed her in a wonderful nursing facility for the last three years of her life (she died June 2, 2017). But, I always made sure she understood that she was still loved, and I would see her most every day. I would give her plenty of hugs so she knew she was loved. Eventually, she became calmer and more used to her surroundings. Sometimes she would still become agitated and fearful, but those were more rare. What I found was that the more I could visit her on a more regular basis, she seemed to be better. If, due to work, I would miss a couple of days, I would find her more agitated. So, I pushed myself to see her most every day. I would take her outside of the facility and take her on rides in the car and movies and so forth so she could experience a more "normal" life outside of the nursing home, if only for a couple of hours. (Note: Near the end, she could not go to movies, as darkness is hard on a person with Alzheimer's and makes them afraid, and she could not follow the movie plot and would just sleep in the theater). If you have not placed your loved one in a nursing home yet, this is something you must consider, as it will become much harder as the disease progresses, and you will need a team to care for your spouse. When you do, take your time to find a good facility. If you walk in and it smells bad, then turn around and walk out, as they are not doing their job. Also, get with an attorney who can protect your assets, too. This is very important when it comes to pay-down for Medicaid. There is much to consider. Always remember that your spouse has a disease. It truly is a disease and is not who your spouse it. Try your best to be kind an loving. Be good to yourself as well. Hang in there.

I have both parents, both 92, both with dementia and alztimers, both with foot heal servere wounds. mom one foot dad both feet, they drag and drag their feet on the bed even with the booties over and over again at night until their skin was rubbed right off to almost the bones. had visiting nurses coming everyday for three months and they didn't clear the feet up so it was both into the hospital, both are incontinence, both bedridden, both don't really know where they are or even who I am, and I know people aren't going to believe it but I got their hospital bills and they both were exactly to the penny the same. mom is so sweet to the staff at the hospital it makes me sick. mom is the angry one. takes everything out on me . demands things, yells , screams, you name it .if its negative she screams it to me. mom wont help roll over to make it easier to change her diapers, or try to hold her cup for a drink etc. yet my dad is the kindest person you would want to meet. does every thing he can to help me and if he cant he tries his best and it always helps me enough to get done what I need to. hes sweet and loving and thanks me everyday for taking care of him with so much love. why the difference I don't know but I always do mom first as to get the negative over with and then I go to dads room and enjoy every minute of the time we have alone as I don't know how much time is left. why the difference I really don't know......
my husband has Parkingsons Disease and he is the one that has the mood swings. nice, mean, friendly, nasty, loving and many more. before I go into his room I pick around his door way and say hi honey and I wait for the reply before entering as so I know what I can say or do not to tick him off.
tis life and I must except the good with the bad. I can honestly say that there is not a dull moment in my house 24/7..................

My mother-in-law has FTD. She used to throw a tantrum once a day until 2 years ago. She had a stroke. While transporting her to the hospital via ambulance, her left arm was somehow broken. She was confined to bed for 4 months until she was totally recovered from the stroke. She was on the following medications: Memantine 15mg (Dementia), Mirtazapine 30mg (Mood), Ramipril 2.5mg (Blood Pressure), Diltiazem 60mg (heart rhythm disorders), Pradaxa 110mg (Blood Thinner), Bupropion Sr 150mg (Dementia), Atorvastatin 10mg (cholesterol), Pantoprazole 40mg (Stomach). Since then, she was confined to wheelchair. We decided to place her in a long-term care facility but visited her every day.
She became very quiet and mellow since her release from the hospital. She does not remember how to walk. She can only eat non-solid food. She does not know how to talk anymore. BUT HER MOOD IMPROVED. SHE NO LONGER YELL OR SCREAM AT US ANYMORE. The caretakers at the long-term care facility told us she is a model resident, never scream and never complaint about anything. Last year, we requested the Psychiatrist to delete the mood and memory lost medications from her daily medication list. The Psychiatrist agreed to try it for 2 months but told us to monitor her behavioural changes. We observed no change. She is still quiet and mellow even without the mood and memory lost medications. It has been a year now and hopefully she will continue with her good behavior until the end.
My advise is always observe, consult with the doctor if necessary. Adjust medications on a trial and error basis until we found what we and the doctor think is the best for the patient. In my own opinion, the less drug intake the better (if it is possible and agreed to by the doctor).