My Dad has been in a nursing home since his last fall in December. He is Medicaid pending. He has dementia and is really mean to the staff if he doesn't get his way. He has been told he is "long-term" but keeps asking what is the plan to get him home. We tell him there is no plan right now. They have no money. He is in a REALLY good nursing home, top of the line. The care is excellent. I have no problem with the care he is getting. He's just an SOB. They have him on meds to chill him out but I think he's so frustrated being there, he takes it out on everyone. He complains about the heat, the food, the nurses. I think they are trying to kick him out because now the nurses are saying he made advances towards him. I don't believe them. He has NEVER behaved that way. This is getting ugly. I cannot care for him, nor can my 84 yr old mother. My two siblings have disappeared and will take no responsibility for any of this. Can they k ick him out because he is a trouble maker?

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First of all - making sexual advances is very common when a person has AD - especially with men. Normal inhibitions are not in place. I don't believe they will use this as an excuse to "kick him out." They are just reporting to you. Most staff members will have handled this behavior many times before. I know its awful to think of your dad acting this way when he never would have before, but please rest assured that its the disease, not your dad.
If there is a move to get him out of the home you can contact your ombudsman at (type in the nursing home Zip code) or go on your state website to find your ombudsman. This person is there to help you.
I'm not sure you are "there" yet. The home is excellent and you are happy. They are professionals used to working with people like your dad. It's worrisome for you, especially since your siblings won't even back you up. Just remember your ombudsman is there to help you figure things out if you need help.
Take care,
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It is important to contact the ombudsman as Carol advised. I've had similar problems with my mother and worked closely with the facility. I had been told that if my mother continued her abusive behavior toward the staff, other residents; the facility would give a 30 day notice for her to leave.

Fortunately, we never reached that point. Her room has been changed several times and the facility has gone above and beyond dealing with her. My mother requires "strong" medication. This medication in no way makes her a zombie or "out of it" as some would think. She is so much better and calmed down; it has truly been a blessing - for her and others.

I try to leave it in God's hands that she won't act up again causing her to have to leave the facility. My faith is the only thing that gives me any form of peace. She continues to be a "handful", but controlled. My aunt was a nun and always said "let go, let God" - this is difficult; but has truly helped me.

I just keep on the path of thinking - she is doing well - she will continue to do well and it will all work out at the facility. Blessings and take care.
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