I think that possibly the hospital discharge person could help you both find a nursing home for your mother to go to and direct you to the person that you need to ask about your mother becoming a ward of the state. Explain to the discharge people that neither you at home nor your dad at assisted living can take care of your mother anymore.
I believe that once she is a nursing home and her fiances run out that the nursing home can file to become their ward and do the application process for medicaid.
Do your parents have enough resources to split between your dad remaining in assisted living and your mother going to a nursing home? Do either of them have long term care insurance?
Do you have any siblings who might be wiling to file for guardianship of your mother and has she been deemed as incompetent by a doctor?
I wish you the best in this difficult time. Let us know how it all turns out.
My parents have enough resources for my dad to stay at assistant living and my mom to go to a nursing home. I had hoped that they could stay together but I don't think that will be possible. I have no siblings - my brother died years ago. So it has been on me for the last 5 years. They are releasing my mom in a couple of days - so I am working with the social worker at the hospital and have also been referred to Hospice by her doctor. I am trying to keep everything going but I don't think I can keep juggling all the balls anymore. Thanks for the comments - I will let you know how things work out.
Sorry burnedout13, for what you're dealing with, none of this is easy and you deserve so comfort and peace of your own. I'm an only child both parents are in memory care unit. Had to have state step in to become guardian as my father was out of control, and I was his favorite target. You are doing the right thing sounds like you have reasonable persons to work with, and that your parents will comply with their circumstances. Bless you on your journey! Zoolife
I have been dealing with Hospice, Assistant Living and the Hospital for the last 3 days. Still considering contacting a lawyer about asking the state to appoint a guardian. The Hospice people have been nice - the assisted living people nice but ineffectual. I took down her bed, moved the mattress and box springs made all the arrangements for the transfer from the hospital and handled most of her medical and food last night. I met with the Hospice people this morning and am trying to understand how Hospice will work with Assisted Living personnel. She is miserable and did not recognize anyone but her husband of seventy years and me. Would absolutely move them from this assisted living facility but don't want them to have to make any more changes. I am hoping that with Hospice, I can keep her more comfortable and safe but not sure this is the solution to her failing situation. I am a strong person - but a person can only be strong without help for so long. Thanks for the support and advice. This has been a great site to get a better perspective on things.
I just saw this and my heart goes out to you. I am disabled because of multiple neck surgeries and had to unexpectedly move my mother in last June. My youngest brother had her before then and couldn't take it any more. She suffers from an untreated mental condition osteo so bad her spine is twisted severely, she hasn't bathed in years (yes years) has an open wound on foot that won't heal, feces under nails because she won't allow anyone to clip them and a boat load of other huge in issues that are contaminating my entire home. I am at my wits end and so stressed out im on here at 2 a.m looking for answers ! How do I go about putting her in a nursing home, I don't want to hurt her feeling but I can't take this anymore.
Kimsy64- don't know what state you reside in but consult with an Elder Care Attorney for advise on POA, Medicaid (if needed). She needs to be in NH or at least have in-home aides for bathing and toileting assistance. Research Medicaid & related "spending down" to qualify (your mother)on this site.
Kirrisy, please post your situation as an entirely new Question and you will receive a lot more replies. Doesnt work too well to post your Q in the answers to someone else's Q. Hope you will soon find resolution that works for your mom and you too.
Kirrisy, please post this as a new question, but short answer to this. Wound that won't heal? How about taking her to the ER for that? If they admit her, you get the benefit of discharge planning. They have access to nh beds. Behavioral health beds. She sounds like this is a case of sepsis waiting to happen.
The fact that you "don't want to hurt her feelings" tells me that you're a kind and caring daughter. But there are times when we have to put on our big girl panties, be the grownup in the room and act for the good of your elder, compassionately but decisively.
Contact the Adult Protective Services Unit and the Public Guardian's office in the county in which she resides. Sadly, the care homes are usually not helpful in getting a conservatorship/guardianship process started. My mother was taken to a hospital and later to a rehab center, who did nothing about getting the process started even though they were aware that APS had conducted an investigation and just needed doctor's certification of her mental instability.
I believe that once she is a nursing home and her fiances run out that the nursing home can file to become their ward and do the application process for medicaid.
Do your parents have enough resources to split between your dad remaining in assisted living and your mother going to a nursing home? Do either of them have long term care insurance?
Do you have any siblings who might be wiling to file for guardianship of your mother and has she been deemed as incompetent by a doctor?
I wish you the best in this difficult time. Let us know how it all turns out.
So it has been on me for the last 5 years. They are releasing my mom in a couple of days - so I am working with the social worker at the hospital and have also been referred to Hospice by her doctor. I am trying to keep everything going but I don't think I can keep juggling all the balls anymore. Thanks for the comments - I will let you know how things work out.
but ineffectual. I took down her bed, moved the mattress and box springs made all the arrangements for the transfer from the hospital and handled most of her medical and food last night. I met with the Hospice people this morning and am trying to understand how Hospice will work with Assisted Living personnel. She is miserable and did not recognize anyone but her husband of seventy years and me. Would absolutely move them from this assisted living facility but don't want them to have to make any more changes. I am hoping that with Hospice, I can keep her more comfortable and safe but not sure this is the solution to her failing situation. I am a strong person - but a person can only be strong without help for so long. Thanks for the support and advice. This has been a great site to get a better perspective on things.
The fact that you "don't want to hurt her feelings" tells me that you're a kind and caring daughter. But there are times when we have to put on our big girl panties, be the grownup in the room and act for the good of your elder, compassionately but decisively.