5 years ago I bought a home with my mom. She only lived in it for 1 year then my sister put her in an assisted living facility. My sister has power of attorney and is on all her financial accounts. My sister has helped herself to some of my mom's money. Now my mom is out of money. First I offered to buy my mom out. Everyone agreed on the amount-then my sister changed her mind. Now I plan on getting married and offered to sell the home. My sister got mad because I shared some nasty emails she sent to me. Now she says I need to deal with mom and she is dropping her off next month to live with me -since it is her home. I work full time and I have a roommate. What rights do I have?
Her sister agreed on a price and then backed out!
Very strange that the OP’s sister doesn’t want the money from the sale to pay for their mom’s care in her assisted living. The OP offered a viable solution and her sister is standing in the way.
The OP should force the sale as NYDIL said could be done in her state.
She can force the sale, wash her hands of the whole thing.
Mom has her money. Her sister as POA can deal with the entire mess!
You need to talk to an attorney ASAP.
If your sister has power of attorney, she is NOT legally allowed to engage is self dealing behaviors.
Thus, if she has taken money for anything other than your mother's care, it is considered theft.
But would need filial responsibility laws to force her daughter to become responsible for her care (not in FL?) Even then, I don't believe anyone can be forced to provide the physical hands-on care.
It's all hot steam nonsense talk from the other sister.
She isn’t looking to being fair either.
She wants what is best for herself, which is to dump the heavy lifting onto you. Don’t fall for her intimidation.
Fight back by speaking to an attorney. She can’t force you to do the caregiving.
Where does she live? Does she live in the same city as you do?
Since she doesn’t want you to buy her out, counter by asking her to buy you out.
Then she and your mom own the house and she can move in and take care of dear old mom!
Offer to let her have full control!
You and your roommate can find a new place, hopefully far away.
If she isn’t open to this, and of course she won’t be, you will have made your point that YOU are NOT willing to do the caregiving either!
I wouldn’t discuss details with her, a simple, “I am not going to be mom’s caregiver.” is sufficient.
Don’t give her an opportunity to argue her points.
You do not owe her any explanation as to why you aren’t doing any caregiving.
Mom hasn’t needed either of you. She was surviving without your help while in a facility.
We don’t know about her finances. Maybe you don’t even know all of the details since your sister has POA. That’s between you, your sister and your mom.
If worse comes to worse and you can’t work this out, mom can go on Medicaid.
One of you can start speaking to a social worker to inquire about mom’s options for future care.
You need to focus on not having your mom dumped off and getting stuck with mom!
Move out before that happens! Make sure your roommate isn’t home either so she can’t accept mom.
All the best.
The two miners (who worked the gold mine) need to repay what they took - pay directly to facility until their debt is paid back. Keep good records to show they paid mom back. Then apply for Medicaid after the debts are paid.
I am inclined to think mom is out of money and all of this started because 'who's gonna pay the bill now'. Sis assumes she can just return to the house she half owns, and the other doesn't want her there. Could be wrong, but that's my gut feeling about it.
OP also said she worked full time. I took that to mean how is she going to care for mom while she works? I took that as since mom is out of money OP is going to be sole caregiver. Bc there is no money to pay someone.
The sister is allowed to pay herself a reasonable amount as poa. That is true. They are taking care of bills and things. But what is reasonable?
OP said she paid for half the house. Then offered to buy out her mom so she would own all of the house. She said everyone agreed. I'm assuming that is OP, her mom and sister. Then sister said no. I didnt read that as OP went to live with mom in moms house. I would think mom would need that money for her care. But that money can only last so long.
OP wanted to know what her rights are. Maybe the OP can explain more.
The point is that neither daughter wants to be the caregiver. One has agreed to be POA. Maybe the other one does not want any legal responsibility, not POA or being a guardianship.
Why would the OP want to? She is getting married, plus her mom picked her sister to be POA. Who would choose to be in that position?
Who knows what the mom is like? There has to be reasons why mom is in a facility? Does she have cognitive decline?
Mom may need lots of care. She may be a nice woman or she may not be pleasant to be around.
She may have caused friction between the sisters.
Where does the mom want to be? Did she choose to move away? Then the daughter took in a roommate.
Who is paying for the home? Could it be that the mom only supplied the down payment and the daughter has paid all of the notes?
Even if the OP’s sister feels that mom can live in the home, she does co own it, the sister as POA will have to hire someone to be a caregiver to her mom.
I doubt the roommate wants to do it!
We know that the OP doesn’t want to.
So, sissy better start interviewing for caregivers if she isn’t volunteering.
There is too much unknown information here.
You can't have your own way if she has the power, compromise is the only way that you will get this sorted out. And that means both of you.
Maybe you need to hire an uninterested, unbiased 3rd party realtor to sell the house?
If you really want this dealt with you need to do what it takes. Your mothers wellbeing is at stake and both of you have forgotten that from what I have read. Who is going to step up if she has a penalty period for Medicaid? That should be something that you speak to your mom about, because this could turn very sour for her and that is unacceptable.
You haven’t revealed much about your mom. She may be a lovely woman. I hope that she is.
Mom may be a pot stirrer and pitted you and your sister against each other.
If mom has done that, it’s a shame and I am truly sorry.
My mom did that and it creates havoc for everyone and usually backfires on moms who set up their kids.
Your sister is utilizing her POA position to have everything in her favor. Too bad she isn’t interested in teamwork because both of you are mom’s daughters!
That’s her problem if she can’t get Medicaid due to the look back!
Sounds like she left a paper trail with her emails to you and she is furious with you for sharing them.
She shouldn’t have sent them if it she didn’t want to expose herself. Save those emails!
Just speculating here...reading between the lines.
Please correct me if I am wrong but it seems like she wouldn’t get mad over innocent emails, would she?
Why is it so important to her who sells the house? Of course, you want someone local to sell the home. They are most familiar with the area.
Does she object to your fiancé’s son getting the commission? What is her story? I would be more concerned over selling the house, rather than focusing on who sold it. A compromise may have to be reached.
She sounds like a major headache and mom’s favorite!
Wishing you much happiness in your married life!
Resolve this mess and enjoy your life with your new husband and stepson.
Things are not adding up here.
You stated, 5 years ago, you and your mom purchased a home together. After 1 year of your mom living there, she entered into an AL and you had to get a room mate.
NOW you are saying, "If your mother moves back into your home, your room mate will have to move out and that your mother's SS will not cover the expenses in the home.
How is this so?
This is what I see going on here. You and your sister have bailed out on your mother.
1) You do not want your mother moving in with you because you
do not want your room mate to leave.
2) Your sister has spent all of mom's money, now she wants to
dump mom back to the home.
The ending to this story is, "If your mom's name is on the deed, she has every right to the home as you do." No one can take this right from her by "selling it out from under her."
Now to your question; You asked what rights do you have? You can let your mom in with you, you can move out or you may can sell your part to your mom.
SN: As far as the care for your mom, that's another story.
I hope you all can work things out.
My mom doesn't have the money to buy me out or pay the entire amount of the HOA, mortgage, utilities, upkeep and a full time caregiver. I don't think she can find a roommate who will pay 1/2. The house will go into foreclosure and then neither my mom or I will get our investment back.
That's why selling it is the best idea at this time.
So are you saying you are co-mingling funds by depositing the rent monies into your personal account? I am positive the security deposit is in another account correct? So, are you or mom paying taxes on the rental income? What liability waiver and insurance policy do you have in place to protect mom? The rental agreement? Does your HOA even allow rentals? Did you do a background check?
Yeah, I think you are lucky I am not your sister because as POA, my job is to protect mom and this would not fly. As co-owner, your rental income could push someone over the threashold for Medicaid.
So, you also think your roomie is entitled to mom's room? No, it is technically her home. As for care, there are resources available for in-home aides.
You and your sister have both screwed this up. Time to make nice.
Legally with Covid19 I don't know if I can even evict my roommate. Yes the HOA did a background check-that is mandatory. I have done the best I can. I am under constant stress trying to figure everything out
Mom is not easy to live with at all. Sissy lives far away. You stepped up, did it all. Mom went into assisted living.
It was smart to get a roommate to help with bills. What’s the alternative? Go into foreclosure.
You stated to sissy that you couldn’t stay home and be mom’s babysitter all day.
You have to earn a living. You have paid your share. Mom is not wealthy for you to take advantage of.
Sissy wasn’t responsible as POA and mixed up her money with mom’s money.
You’re correct in calling the whole thing a mess!
Sissy had no clue as to what you were going through with mom.
She is trying to place the blame on you and wants to dump mom on you! Typical!
Sell the house! Force the sale like NY Daughter in law said was legal in your state.
Find an attorney and an agent! Live in peace with your future husband. Let sissy deal with mom. She’s the POA!
The OP is just as wrong as her sister and just because you post over and over nonsense that supports you got a raw deal does not mean it is so all the time.
OP opened mom up to tax evasion and liability. Getting a roomie was not smart, it was irresponsible.
The state should take mom and the house.
Speak to an attorney. You will receive all the information that is needed.
Wishing you the very best. So sorry that you have dealt with this stressful situation.
I wouldn’t discuss anything further with your sister or your mom. You can’t resolve something without the knowledge of knowing for sure what can be done legally.
Reaching out to this forum for moral support is completely understandable.
Please ignore any hurtful comments by certain posters. Listen to the supportive posters.
You say that you did your best and followed your SISTER’s advice to get a roommate.
Document everything and anything that your sister says or does so you can pass it onto the attorney.
Make sure that you tell the attorney that your mom is an alcoholic and has been to rehab three times. Looks like sissy and mom aren’t very credible. You’re going to pull through this.
You’re at a crossroads and need serious advice. Get a professional opinion to help guide you. Move forward and put it behind you. One day it will be a distant memory.
Start building happy memories with your new husband. Take care.
I will start by saying that I'm not an expert, however, as my Aunts POA I know that her money is to be kept entirely separate from mine!! Even though my name is on her accounts, I am only to use it for her expenses!!! It's a criminal offense for me to use any of her money for myself!!
Misappropriation of funds!
If Sis has truly been using Moms money, she could face jail time!
Do a little research on the subject. It may sound horrible, but you could use it against her if she insists on her emotional blackmail.
As others have suggested, you should see an Elder care attorney!
I'm so sorry for the grief and stress this is causing you during what should be the happiest time in your life!!
Sending you prayers and ((((hugs))))
One more word of advice!
Don't waste your time responding to people on this site that are flat out rude!!
You most certainly can take there advice into consideration, but some people just like to stir the pot and you won't get anywhere.
Never get into a pissing contest with a skunk!
You put in $x. Mother put in $y. The remainder of the purchase price came from a mortgage for $z *in mother's name only*; but you make the repayments. Now your sister wants you to take out a mortgage of your own? - would you even get one?
For one year - what happened with the running costs? Did she pay them? You? Both?
Then mother was placed in an ALF by sister. How were the fees paid?
But my head is already spinning.
You know, looking back, I could see that I'd been rash and groundlessly optimistic when I bought a house with my mother and my then partner as tenants-in-common, with our respective shares and liabilities and all the possibilities we could think of (which, ah fool that I was, did not include vascular dementia and 24/7 care) all put down in black and white by a trusted and reputable property lawyer. If I'd known then what I've learned since... well, there it is. Next time I'll make better mistakes.
But the buggers' muddle that you and your sister seem to have created makes mine look positively, owlishly wise. Don't you and your sister both think you had better find professional advice to help you find a way through this? It seems to me that you are pretty much in the same boat, with pretty much as much as the other to lose.
They need a professional to mediate and help them navigate through this difficult situation!
CM,
Glad you shared that purchasing a home with others is risky!
At least your endeavor worked out. I feel for those who run into problems.
I couldn’t do it. I would have rented if I had to rely on anyone else for money.
Geeeez, I had to work two jobs at times. It was worth the hard work and long hours for peace of mind.
The poa name should also be under the primary person's name on mom's banking accounts. If sis name is on top of the account with mom's name under it, that is not good. It is now her account. That means shenanigans. That was pointed out to me. I went over this with my lawyer. Dont know about other states, but that is true in my state.
In the simplest terms of answering your question "can my sister drop my mom off to liv with me because she also owns the house I live in?" I would think, yes, she can. Especially if there is no more money for mom to live in AL. I can't imagine any court telling someone they aren't allowed to live in a home they partially own.
Can you be forced to take care of mom? I would think not, but you will have to tread very carefully with that, because the automatic thought process will be elderly mother + child under the same roof = child is caregiver. It will, unfortunately, be on you to prove you are NOT her caregiver. And for that, you might need to contact an elder attorney.
However, you have another problem that I haven't seen addressed in the answers, and that is the additional problem of your "roommate". If you are collecting rent from this person, then regardless of how you term your relationship, you are a landlord and (s)he is a tenant. And with that, your "roommate" has rights to live there, too. For example, suppose there is a lease (and I hope for both your sakes there is a lease, because then at least there's an end date in site), and the lease runs through next June. If mom has no more money for her AL, and decides (or sister decides) that she is going to come to the home that she is co-owner on, if you go to your "roommate" and say "hey, (name), my mom is being thrown out of her AL and has to move in here, so she needs her bedroom back, You're going to have to move.", your roommate is well within her legal rights to say "nope, I'm not going anywhere, I have a lease and I've been paying rent. Sorry for your troubles, but they are YOUR troubles, not mine." And if there is no lease, that can become even trickier if your "roommate" refuses to move, because then you're looking at eviction proceedings. So you might end up having to not only share the house, but also your room, with mom.
You need to find an attorney that specializes in property law and property disputes. And ONLY after getting the advice you need, make an informed decision about the best way forward. The only thing I will tell you above any legal advice you get is don't allow this house to keep you prisoner in a situation that isn't really tenable going forward. Too many people stay in terrible situations because they don't want to "lose the house". Don't fall victim to that mentality.
Good luck.
1. Call a real estate attorney.
2. Call a real estate attorney.
3. Call a real estate attorney.
4. Do what the real estate attorney says.
5. End contact with your sister and let her deal with your mother's affairs.
6. Get on with your life.
In regards to your response to me, you changed your story. You previously replied to a poster here that if your mom moved back in the home with you that your room mate would have to move out.
That was really a part of the problem you were trying to avoid.
SMH
By the way, if you ever get an attorney who tells you that you can "sell the home from under your mom" I would love to see it in writing because he told you "wrong."
I am still on her accounts - she put me on them years ago because I did her banking and paid her bills. She specified in the trust years ago that I am to inherit the house. The trustee and I work together to manage her finances - he has power of attorney. So far, aside from a bit of grumbling from my siblings and steps, no one else has stepped forward to take care of Mom or manage her finances. They hardly ever visit. I'm wondering what will happen when she's gone.
Your mom wanted you to have it.
That’s all that matters.
what I am not clear on, she is in assisted living and sister wants to take her out and dump her? Why?
I feel exactly as you do. Sell the house and walk away from all of it!
Love your posting.
You can not use a partition action in this case.
This is mom's "home." This isn't "property" for luxury, rental, vacation, etc. There is a difference.